Cancer man, and he is confusing



  • So, I really like this guy, he's a cancer, and from his attitude he couldn't be more of one if he tried. But, even though i've read up on their personalities and done all the tarot compatibility (which says we're a good match) I still don't know how to read him.

    We've been working together for 6 months, and i've been over to his house like 4 times, and he's told me so many different things I don't know what to think. When he's drunk he told me he really liked me but was afraid to hurt me, and sober he acts proud and says he doesnt want to give up his lifestyle and settle down. And then on valentines day he tells me he's rethinking what he said...we've been together a few times, so he's attracted to me. We get along great. I don't know if he's holding back because he's scared i'll dig my claws into him and take away all of his freedom or if he just likes my attention. He did mention once that someone told him to enjoy his life as much as possible and not get tied down, and i think he took that advice really seriously.

    also, he was cheated on a couple of years ago and i think it really affected his view of women. I read somewhere that cancers are hurt easily and it stays with them. What should I do??



  • I totally agree with you, know from experience. I am in an relationship with a cancer man, which started rather fast. I wasn't looking for a relationship because I had just came out of an hurtfull 6 year relationship (gemini) the first of Oct 2008. Seen this cancer before when i was in that relationship with gemini, saw cancer again on the last day of Oct 2008, already single i agreed to have breakfast with cancer the following morning. I should have knew from that breakfast date not to see him again.

    I could tell he had been hurt "a lot" and really wasn't trying to do the settleing down thing, me either, expecially since i am about to move back home, another state. In the middle of dec 2008 I met up with him and some friends and as soon as I got in the door the friends was calling me "Ms. Official" I laughed it off, not knowing what in the world they were talking about by calling me that, so what I thought was a wisper to cancer asking him what they were talking about was heard by someone else to, the prson stated to me that you don't know you are his woman! Of course i laughed it off I couldn't dare answer that because cancer nor I had an discussion about placeing labels on eachother. And of course my insides were bursting with happyness because it wasn't til that moment was when I knew how much I really like this man.

    Well we are in March 2009, cancer and I are still together , how I don't know, lol, he's telling me that he loves me and he wants for us to make it last, all that mushy stuff . But my concern now is with him knowing that I will beleaving soon he has'nt mentioned what going to happen once I leave. This man is a true cancer, he wears his heart on his sleeve but is so hard to understand, I have also did a lot of reading up on us, him, me and just like yours it says we are a good match but heck I am confused about a lot of stuff with him, so it seems like we both need help with these cancers.



  • Dear Loveislove,

    Cancerian men are very dedicated homemakers and providers once they feel sure enough about their feelings - This man has had a nasty experience before and is naturally cautious as he does not want to expose his feelings before he is sure about you as well as his feelings. I suggest you allow him to find this place in his mind by allowing him the space and time he needs to discover how much you mean to him..... offer him your sincere friendship in the meantime and keep your conversations easy and fun. He will soon begin to enjoy your company very much when he begins to see your genuine caring nature and unpressured friendship you are offering him. He tends to be a bit shy but with some encouragement from you - he will begin to realx in your company soon. -This is a strong man who knows what he wants - but will do so in his only when he feels ready Best wishes - Gipsy 321



  • i have some experiences with that sign, and I really dont get them. Cancer, in my opinion, fall in love very easily, and this can scare other signs sometimes. Cancer loves all the drama of love, they really enjoy their sadness, love for him is always a mexican novel, and if their heart was one time broken, they dont forget, or best, they never forget! so when all this suffer ends, he wont trust in anybody, all that girls will do the same in his head.

    I think you should approach him as a friend, a person he can trust to tell all this problems. once in love he will be very romantic, but try to not disappoint him.



  • Thank you very much for all your advice, it's helpful!



  • I, a Virgo, dated a lovely Cancer man in college and the affair lasted near 8 years. We shared many interests and values. The relationship was intense and very passionate but imperfect. I know a few other Cancer men and they share similarities. In my experience Cancer men fall in love easily and deeply and yes, they love the drama of falling in love and the newness of it all. They dislike to be cornered in by anything, mentally or spiritually and will run if pushed beyond their changing boundaries. They can be touchy and moody and can take offense at the slightest comment or action that they perceive as a criticism although they can be quite outspoken themselves. They can swing from loving, warm, affectionate men to being cold and withdrawn in a matter of minutes and God help you if you should make a comment about their Mother's. It has been twenty plus years since that relationship and although we live on different coasts, we talk to each other every couple of months for hours at a time as if time has stood still. We talk with the same intensity and honesty that we shared many moons ago (pun intended). We appreciate each others honesty, directness, vulerability and more importantly, our love of freedom. We are intimately connected but we are both such freedom lovers that we cannot be together. My cousin, another Cancer is very much the same way, five years in Texas, 4 year in China and counting. He loves, but he loves his freedom more. If you can be sensitive, if you can respect this need and if you have a fervent life of your own, then a good relationship with a Cancer man is possible and certainly worth the effort.



  • Take the time to be his friend first; everything else will fall in place.

    This Aries has been married to her Cancer for 20 yrs.

    Believe me, the friendship factor trumps all else!

    Remeber, everything for a reason, in its own time!



  • Bueno, I was married to a Cancer. Cancer, I have read, is considered the teenager of the Zodiac. Couldn't agree more. They're also prone to addictions, so be careful. Like to hang-out with the friends. To be honest, doesn't sound like he wants anything serious. I would listen to what he says. Keep your options. Might want to set a definite time frame on this one. I mean, I wouldn't be trying to figure him out 2 months from now.



  • Maria - Is his name Patrick?????LOL!!! He sounds EXACTLY what my guy is like. I hope we aren't dating the same man..........tee hee....



  • Thank you everyone for the advice. And Paula, LOL, no, thankfully he's not Patrick. That would be pretty awkward. Glad to know you managed to start a relationship with him, though!



  • Maria - When I read your post I could have sworn we were dating the same guy. I was with him for about 9 months now. To be honest, right now he's going through this really tough time and he has completely wiped me out of his life - for now. But that's ok - everything works out the way it's supposed to, I have faith that it will all be ok - I'm pretty intuitive, and I know he'll be back. My understanding of the Cancer male has been changed ever since dating him. He is a Cancer through and through and the down times used to bug the heck out of me. My advice to you is, if you want to be with him, just like what was stated above, you would need to take it slowly, and I do mean slowly. Don't play mind games with him though - all you will see is the back of his head from 1200 yards away and he will never come back. Be friends and gain his trust. Trust is a hard thing for Cancer men, but once you have it, don't ever do anything to compromise it.



  • This cancer will be the cancer of me buh dum, chiiiiing!

    Seriously, though. Thanks for the insight. Don't worry.....things are going slowly. I'm an Aries, so it is literally killing me. But i'm trying to keep my crazy impulsiveness under control and let things kind of happen, which is not usually my style. He's even being weird about hanging out together. Trying to make a date with him is frustrating to say the least. Is that normal cancer behavior...?



  • Ugh! I tell ya - YES it is. they take a while to get to know you OR they start something extremely fast and then get freaked out by it and run for the hills. if I were you - go about your own life and do what you need to do. Don't compromise your boundaries or chase him. Let him do the work. If he doesn't do the work, then find someone else. There are so many men out there thagt may be more suited for you. BUT - if you want to stick it out it will be worth it once he falls in love with you.



  • It's normal for a cancerian to go slow. You have to think of a crab. It travels sideways to get what it wants. All the while, observing it's target (maybe you an Aries). It never goes straight for it's target. If your Cancerian is saying many differant things....he's testing you or the waters to see how you react and to see how his feelings through his emotions feel to him about your reactions and how they affect him.

    He'll keep on rewording it till he gets something that sounds good to him. Basically, just let his words go in one ear and out the other and keep telling him he can't get away now, he's yours! just keep reinforcing how much you love him and your not leaving without him. Besides, Aries claims their the best and cancer wants the best. I feel Cancerians know they have to keep Aries guessing, Aries likes a challenge!



  • I'm curious...what is it that intrigues you or attracts you to this cancer male?



  • I love talking to him. He's interested in tonnes of random stuff like me -physics, cartoons, politcs....anything, really. And his interests are so different from mine, he lives in another world and I want to learn more about it. He's in business and I'm in Animation....two totally different careers, but both of them can be combined. He's really funny, generally light hearted.....except when he gets into his cancer mood swings. But they arent really that bad, and one you learn not to take them personally I actually think they're kinda cute.

    But most of all, I can see his big, warm heart when I look into his eyes, and I want in there. Because it looks like a great place to be.



  • Your probably in his heart already! Sounds like he's in your heart!



  • Paula...these words are right on the money!

    Be friends and gain his trust. Trust is a hard thing for Cancer men, but once you have it, don't ever do anything to compromise it.



  • Done and done. Thanks everyone!



  • Your right! It is a good place to be!


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