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I am a Cancer (34M) met a Taurus(39F) at work back on 2019. For some reason, we go to lunch together (me and her only) everyday for 6months+ we talk, share story and laugh together. We would also exchange gifts and be playful at work sometime, I FEEL there is a connection there!! On first day of 2020, I had a chance to ask her out for cup of coffee after work (my first time asking her) I confess to her I LIKE HER, at first I think she mumble and said "I like you little bit too", but then she told me she does not do relationship, and she follow up asking me to watch a new series of show with her next time!!
After that night, we still go lunch together, but when I try to be myself like a Cancer (nurturing her) or just saying nice thing to her, she will repulse.** After few weeks, she will sometime say she does not want to go lunch or she introduce another person with us.
**When I said repulse, I mean she really got angry at me for little thing I said/do, she feel like I am pushing the thing between us. (There was 1 time she was being very negative, and I just told her "you are still a nice girl") Then she got very angry at me.......
So every time I see this cooldown or repulse reaction from her, I usually keep quiet and hide under my shell, I don't want to upset her in anyway more. After few days, she will come back and we will be normal again.
Hot and Cold, Hot and Cold, Hot and Cold, few times for 5 months. May, 2020 I recklessly told her again that I still like her. She immediately got very angry and slap on her desk - "NO". then I got scared and just said "I am sorry.....then can we just be happy like before again", she reply "time will tell". but a weekend after. she went to our supervisor and complain me for harass her when she already told me many time that she doesn't have the same feeling for me. I was so afraid that I will lost my career over this, but luck my supervisor understand the situation and just tell me to cooldown.
So after the complain, we are in extreme cold, we do not even say "hello"/"bye" when we see each other in the office for many months. At the end of 2020, we got little better and would go to lunch together and talk. At this point, I am shamelessly still have feeling for her BUT I am acting VERY passive.
2021, thing are back to normal? we would talk (she told me about the secrets of her parent relationship), we go out lunch as group or alone, she had ask me to watch a new shows with her again. but then again when I try to be nice to her, she will STOP and being cold.
April 2021, I bought her a little cute gift, and she rejected it and told me to stop buying her little thing. then she being cold to me until recent, I found a chance to apology to her for buying her gift. then she slowly open up and will talk to me again.
June 2021, I asked to talk to her for a closure or whatever, she said I LOST HER TRUST, she feel like when I act nice to her, she feel pushed. She told me she does not do relationship and she is Aromantic, it took years for her to trust her best friend, she had tried to have relationship before but it just make her unhappy and she does not want to be unhappy. I told her I have 2 thing in my mind now, I respect her as her. but I also want to get closer to her. I do not want to lost her. I told her I am scared when she want to keep distance with me. When I asked how can I earn her trust again, she shake her head but only time will tell. but we are only "co-worker" for now. then she said she need some space, so I told her that I will give you space but whenever you want to talk, I will always be here, she said "I heard you".
Sorry for the long post, I really need some help here because everyday all i can think of is her. I need advise, I tried to back down before and it does not help, should I show her my determination? but I do not want to scare her away AGAIN. what can I do now??? any input would help.
