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Hi ! Found this forum and felt like talking to people who would understand such iffy situations.
Had a thing with a Virgo man from work. He was divorced before, probably due to having cheated with his current long term girlfriend (10 yrs). I'm attached as well. He came on strong and wanted me to let him into my life (actually thought of him as sincere/ a ride or die friend for 2 years). Suddenly started calling me his girlfriend, invited me to meet his best friend, being affectionate etc., however subsequently kept switching up 'labels' since he was indecisive on where this was going. I lashed out at him eventually and he ghosted me.
2+ years later (he never left my mind), we reconnected over work and he said he was sorry for the mental anguish he caused and acknowledged he was a jerk . Mentioned he had financial issues then + didn't know how to 'handle' me + was guilty that he hurt me really bad hence didn't dare to reach out. Said whenever he misses me he would browse through my photos. He also tried to go on tinder but couldn't find anyone he could emotionally connect with better than me so he stopped looking. Said he has changed and matured (after going though some issues), and started to 'care' (putting in effort to text consistently, being all kinds of affectionate, pausing his work to respond to me whenever I need a listening ear etc.). He doesn't want me hanging out with other men and makes casual statements about me having to take care of him when he's old. I told him my partner has brought up marriage, and he replied saying that in his heart he does not wish for me to do so, though he can't decide for me. He's still attached and living with his girlfriend though.
Yesterday, I randomly asked if he still loves his girlfriend since he mentioned prior that they barely interact with each other unless necessary + if she cheated or left him he couldn't care less. He said "yes, just not as strong as before". However, he had the gall to get annoyed because I 'asked too many questions', said that we can never be together officially because he of his memories with her they and she would suffer if he leaves (both in their mid 40-50s), accused me of being immature for not being able to understand such 'simple things', for always overthinking stuff and that my family would not be able to accept him due to his age. Accused me of blaming him for the 'problems' we were having. When asked if I was just an object to him, he then says no and that he does feel something for me + I am his 'baby girl'. Proceeds to stonewall me thereafter, since he is emotionally stunted and is unable to deal with such conversations (some things never change).
Feeling all kinds of wtf now and I'm just numb entirely. Probably time to move on with my life since nothing changed (yet he expects me to be more emotionally stable -- ironic considering the situation) I'm still in my early 30s and at a crossroad here. Finding it difficult to let go though and I'm considering going to a therapist (which he has constantly suggested I should, wtf!!) for all the unnecessary pain.
