The heart of a Virgo man

  • I have been involved with a Virgo man for 5 months now. Met him online, we got along perfectly, in time I figured out he was married (long story) with four children. While that should have ended things, we can't seem to part. We have been intimate, although it is rare due to the obvious (I also have 3 children also with partial custody, and distance is an issue). He claims that he wandered from his marriage to fill the "emptiness" in his heart. He also insists that whether I had come along or not, he planned to divorce his wife in 4 years (timing this with his children being older and more self-sufficient). He married at 20, his wife was 18, got pregnant,, he did the "right thing". Over 13 years they "have nothing in common except for children together". "Fight all the time. Feels no love or attraction for his wife." I have made the move to end things a couple of times, but he wanders back...missing me, asking me to stay with this, that his heart is in "us", we are "perfect" together, and his plan is that we will be together...down the road. I understand that Virgo's are perfectionists and don't leap into commitments until they're really ready. My heart feels the same peace and security with him (whether we are together or not) that he professes. I think he lives in pain with the lies within his own family but will not make a move to divorce and disrupt his children unless this is the real deal (my sense, not anything he said). I remain open to finding someone whose life is free and uncomplicated, but what we have between us, does, indeed feel spiritually perfect. My friends say I'm crazy, that he's a man and he's using me (but we go for three weeks or longer without physically seeing each other - hard to believe he's using me for intimacy as we have so little, lol.) Anyone else have experience with Virgo men? I'd like to think that if I "have his heart" that he will stick to his plan to make the changes in his life to bring us together. Is their any truth in the Virgo characteristic that once they've found "perfection" there will be no deviating from keeping it? Any Virgo men out there with thoughts on this? Women who are/have been involved with Virgo's? Thanks for reading my post.

  • See....these situations always make me nervous. I mean, star signs aside, if a man is unhappy where he is and wants some kind of change of scenery, there's no telling what he'll say to change things. And, he might not be viciously lying to you, he might actually believe what he says at the time. But, whether or not he actually feels as strongly as he says he does for you is hard to tell. Because, he could be putting the wrong name to his feelings. Maybe he does really care about you, or maybe he just cares about what you represent -something other then his current situation.

    Now, my brother and mom are virgos, and they are very loyal and i could never imagine them cheating on anyone, so I dont even know what to tell you about how to read a virgos heart. This already seems very, very different from all virgos I know. But, what I do know is that when they are unhappy, they are UNHAPPY, and it usually encompasses their entire lives.

  • Virgo!! Always have been my best friends (Im a cappy), but I have to say three virgo's I know including my very recent ex (who I have been with for 9 years) have all played away. They have all been charmers, always liked by other people, and will help anybody out. I thought I had met my soulmate (he had three previous marriages and I know the last two he played away). This didnt come out until I had already lost my heart to him. As far as I can see as far as he was concerned I was the true love out of all of his loves, so he intimated, not to me, others. So on the last sentence he still chose to have an affair four years ago, I took him back and now have recently found him on an internet dating site, hence Ive ended it, and he has not chosen to fight for me. (I daresay that maybe because he considers me a strongish cappy, but I am so sensitive really, and he would find it difficult to open up to me as to the where's and why fors - he would rather brush it all under the carpet until the next time). I really thought we had it in the bag. Anyone else feel this way. I wonder you know if you are part of his life that is missing but he still needs the other side. At the moment Im a sceptic about these Virgo's and I know one cannot classify them all as being the same, but my ex, my friends husband and a work colleague all seem to be in a similar pattern when it comes to the opposite sex. Maybe what I thought we had, we didnt and he didnt have the guts to tell me. I cannot read a virgo's heart anymore thought I had finally got there ahem!!! I wish you luck!!

  • VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)

    You are the logical type and hate disorder.

    This sh*t-picking is sickening to your friends.

    You are cold and unemotional.

    Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

  • Thank you Maria and moq for your thoughtful replies, and for not immediately taking a negative position on the situation. Maria, I have had similar thoughts as you - that he is sincere, in as much as he finds in me the love, security, acceptance, and dare I say "excitement" that may be lacking in his current relationship. I was married 13 years as well and appreciate the rut that a loveless marriage can well as the yearning for filling that "empty place". However, I did what I consider the right thing - I got divorced in order to free both, myself and my spouse, to go on and hopefully find a new and more fulfilling love (always, and still, believing that this was also in the best interest of my children). Although my Virgo says that he has a four-year "plan" in place, something was driving him hard enough to put his marriage at risk anyway when I met him months ago. "Yes", I believe physical need may have been the start of it, I don't kid myself about that, but I think the unexpected came when he realized that I meant more to him. Mind you I have not accepted him blindly.

    Emotional, fatalistic little Cancer that I am, I have grilled him on his real intentions with me secretly hoping that my "third-degree" would find him in a big lie, the ugly truth would come out, I'd say, "well my friends were right all along", we'd part ways, I'd deal with my hurt and life would go on. To my surprise though, he counters my negativity with loving, rational answers and steadfastly holds his position. Easy enough to do, I suppose, when his marriage prevents him from any real tangible demonstrations of his commitment to me, haha. Although, I must say, if all he wants to do is play, there certainly would be less complicated, and more frequent opportunities than I offer him.

    Ultimately I have resigned myself to the fact that "love conquers all". No matter where I fit into it, there are many lives affected by whatever Virgo decides to do with this situation and I have resolved that events will have to unfold at their own pace. All I can do is put my ego aside and offer the same love and support that I would any friend at this time. Let's face it, me forcing any issues will only bring defensiveness and pain, and probably destroy what could actually turn out to be a wonderful relationship in my life...if only I had had the patience to let Virgo sort things out without pressures. I mean 5 months is not a long time to go from "I hate my relationship", "I want to find what's missing", "holy cow, maybe I did find what's missing", now what....? Lol.

    Thanks again for the input. This is the strangest and most unexpected situation to find myself involved with and I value getting different perspectives on the matter. Anyone else with insights to offer, I'd love to hear them!

  • Godflesh, you left out "excessive worrying and hypochondria", lol. But somewhere beneath all their frostyness beats a frail little heart just like everyone else's. I hope.....hahah, thank you for the chuckle!

  • What you're talking about is called "projection" and Virgos are the master of projection. He sees in you things his wife isn't . He's projected these traits upon you at an intensified level because these are the characteristics he needs in a woman at this time. Not that you do not exhibit the traits to some extent. However, he magnifies their intensity and relevance to suit his needs. For Virgos a mental affair can be as gratifying as a physical one. But is's still an affair.

    Astrological signs aside. The question is, should you trust your heart to a man who cheats on his wife with whom he has three kids? If he's lying to them, what makes you think he's not lying to you! Whether he knows it or not.

  • True, true and true lawdawg, I don't know that he is not lying...the very reason I continue to withold judgement, but still question. Like I always say, the biggest lies we tell start with those we tell ourselves. And trust me, I know all about "projection", it was a word that came up often during counseling in the process of my divorce. My scorpio husband was also a master of projection and I know that he will never, ever see this in himself. The whole point of projection is an aversion to dealing with one's personal issues.

    Interesting that you would bring this up though, as I have wondered if Virgo's wife is really as bad as he says, or if he were simply projecting his inadequacies and insecurities onto her. Although I have to say, that while he accuses her of being disorganized, unmotivated, sloppy, lazy, negative, unsociable, etc. - he truly has demonstrated none of these characteristics (runs his own business, coaches 2 kids softball teams, claims he and the kids even clean the house on Saturdays) so that leaves me with the notion that he may actually be telling the truth.

    Anyway, as a fellow Cancer you can appreciate full well that deep down my general defenses will remain in tact until I am dead certain of his sincerity. And that certainty will only come with his ultimate divorce. He can talk all he wants about what's in his heart and where things go "down the road" but we both know that anything less than "living the love" at all levels is not enough for a Cancer, lol. Thanks for you input, lawdawg, I appreciate your interest and honesty.

  • Think with your head on this one and not your heart. Do you really have 4 yrs to spare especially to gamble with on any man? Anyone who asks that you wait that long before they can be committed to you is too selfish to even deserve your love. You say you believe that love conquers all, I agree that true love does conquer all therefore why dont you test the notion of true love. I suggest that you sit him down and reveal the extent of your feelings for him but tell him: first and foremost you come first, if you dont look out for yourself who else will. Tell him you believe thats unfair that you should wait on him for any length of time, that is a clear sign that he's not ready, therefore you're gonna let it go and in 4 yrs if this was meant to be then we both would want to pick up from where we left off, free conscience and all. Time waits for no one, use it wisely sweetheart, good luck!!! ps. Speaking from the heart and own life experience.

  • Virgo man....this one avoid like the plague unless you want your life mapped out for you....4 years and he'll divorce his wife...that's nice of him. How arrogant. I had a Virgo husband like that for 15 years...he had an affair and yet he wanted to part when he was ready way! I divorced him for adultery and got on with my own life and the weight lifted off my shoulders.

  • Virgos are very interesting people especially from the point of view of a Sag. (me). Saggies are open and easy to read, but Virgo is deep and rather unemotional in their outward expressions.. My two best friends are Virgos (one a male and the other a female).

    I agree with all the posts so far regarding Jenever's situation with a virgo man.

    I think it is very selfish of your Virgo friend to expect you to wait around for 4 years. I would go on with my life and if it's meant for you two to be together, it will happen eventually.

    Virgo is always looking for perfection which gurantees they will never be really happy because perfection is an ideal not a reality. They also tend to be very hard on themselves....very critical of themselves and others. Alot also depends on their ascendant or rising sign. I find that if they have a fire sign as a rising sign it helps to moderate these tendencies.alot.

    Jenever sounds like a very level headed gal who has given all this alot of careful thought and seems very wise about her situation with her Virgo man. You could well be the love of his life.......time will tell. Good luck and many blessings to you.

  • continuing on from what boatgirl may be the love of his life...funnily enough my ex was having an affair with a cancer girl, and he did marry her once our divorce went through. Going by what my children say, he is still very domineering and controlling but she seems to cope with it...!!! So, it may be that Cancers are more tolerant to virgos fussiness??

    I have many virgo friends of both male & female who I think are lovely people but when it comes to love...and I had an ex boyfriend of 2 years who was a virgo too before my ex hubby ...for me its a no no!

    Go with your gut feeling and do what you feel is right....good luck.

  • I am having a hard time understanding all this virgo bashing, My current hubby(my only partner) in three marriages is a virgo and he is wonderful.......not picky, messy actually, he would not stray, hates infedelity! I just don't see how you can rely on sun signs only and a man is a man is a man but we all know that sex is not of extreme importance to a virgo. My uncle, a great man, was a virgo and my brother is a virgo. My exes were Aries and Taurus........they both strayed. Cancers have always attracted me but have always backstabbed me to get what they want. I would say follow your heart but that has gotten me in major trouble. Just use your common sense..........hopefully, you have pure motives. Just a cappy.

  • Not really virgo bashing moondreams!! I have a very dear virgo male friend who isn't a bit like my ex....don't forget different personalities gel. I was married to my virgo ex husband for 15 years and he only strayed that once ....but he was very verbal abusive and very controlling... I am married now to a Leo and he and I are so well suited and I am deeply content. All star signs are capable of isn't an exclusive club!

  • Thanks everyone for the added input and so many good insights to consider. The mention of "mapping out my life" gave me a chuckle. You know, I didn't mention this because it sounds so shallow perhaps, but one of my Virgo's biggest blocks to already being divorced is, as he claims, that his wife assures him that she will take him for all he's got if he tries to leave her (a Taurus woman, I suppose they can be a little bull-headed when they want to, lol.). All he's "got" is a small business that he built on his own because he never had the opportunity to follow any other education or career path, because of making ends meet to take care of her and the children as they came one after another. (He says this was her doing - that she kept having "accidental" pregnancies. True? Who knows, doesn't even matter, situation is what it is.)

    In any case, as callous as it sounds, part of his theory in waiting is trying to find some way to keep her from destroying his business. I suppose it is the Cancer in me that appreciates holding on to your financial security, lol, and I don't actually see him as being driven by greed. He put his heart in that business (maybe why his marriage is on the rocks now, lol). His wife, btw, never had to work a day in her life, went from the arms of mama at 18 to his arms and seems to think that having someone take care of her is how life is supposed to work. Again, is there anything worse to a Cancer or Virgo than someone who's afraid to tow the line, or at least appreciate the value of hard work, lol.

    (Rnrchick, I think you are right that Cancer and Virgo do find good common ground in many areas, lol. Even when my Virgo seems like a controlled and an "unemotional" planner, there is something I find very comforting in that, knowing that he's not just flitting around on emotional whims. I always think of him as being "solid" and when I'm with him my heart is in total peace and trust like I've never known with any other man. I'm no fool either, I've had plenty of relationship experience, a 13-year marriage, and I recognize that there are over 4 billion people on this earth - leaving no sensible reason to hang on to any man who leaves me unfullfilled. This Virgo....he's just different, lol, and I can't quite shake him off.... just yet.)

  • Then don't shake him off Jenever! Spare a thought though for his ex wife - she may not have been as bad as he has portrayed - and would take the pregnancy theories with a pinch of salt - it does take two to tango! My ex told me he would only be interested in the kids once they reached 16 & could hold an adult conversation - he kept to his word and as soon as my eldest reached 16 he was over him like a rash!!! My 15 year old daughter isn't as gullible though...

    There is something homely about cancers that virgos appreciate....and it may be that you and this virgo have gelled and in that case celebrate your love...

  • Thank you rncchick. I agree about his wife, and do generally take most of what he says concerning her with a grain of salt. He clearly adores his children, and at least concedes that he will always feel some love for his wife for "being the mother of the most important things in his life". I think that's a healthy attitude and I would actually be concerned if he were bitter and hateful towards her. I wish only happiness for my ex, because my children deserve a happy and loving father. So while Virgo may "vent" about his wife at times, I also appreciate the struggle of living with a person whom you no longer love, and many days probably don't even like, lol.

    So nice that you have found love and happiness again with your Leo. (I dated a Leo before I met Virgo man. What a disaster! I think the Cancer trait of "mothering" may be overrated because that Leo stretched my tolerance for catering to his neediness to it's limits. Then he just wouldn't let go, and we only dated a few times over the course of two weeks. If I didn't know he were a Leo, I would have sworn he was a Cancer, lol. Never again!)

  • rnchick, Oh, I understand the different signs and all their aspects. Even if you know where their moon, rising and venus can still go wrong. men are men, I just have a problem with dishonesty and having an ulterior motive.........I no longer trust, after being married for 25 yrs to a Taurus and having him marry my ex-best friend (cancer). She was my ex-best friend because I finially realized she could not be trusted, she was the best imitation of a nice person that I have ever known.........she also slept with my first husband, took me awhile to realize that.

  • Moondreams....I would have lynched the woman!!!! I agree with you that after what you've been through I don't blame you for having trust issues. I also agree that the sun/moon/ascendent etc are also irrelevant in a relationship ....differing personalities cope /put up with certain characteristics better than others....(to be honest with you if I fancied someone their star sign etc would be the last thing on my mind !)

  • I begin dating a Virgo man in March. We swept each other off our feet. IWe spent all of our time together. Went dancing, met each other family and friends. Made plans for the future. The emotional attachment we created was awesome. Something I had never experienced before. At night when would lay beside each other just his touch would make me cry.

    However, we were unable to create that physical intimacy attachment.

    He is 60 years and I am 53. He is overweight particularly in the stomach. It really was not that important to me because I was enjoying the emotional affection and the openly affection.

    Over the weeks he became stressed about pleasing me. He told me he did show it on his face but internally he was stressing and at the same time started shutting down on me. He told me he was going to the doctor the next month(June) and would find out what the problem was and get it fixed it. He went out of town on travel for a few days and the day he came home he did not call me. The next day he told me he was depressed and needed some time alone. There was nothing I did but he had alot going on. I saw him once after that conversation and by the end of May he completely shut me out of is life. Would not accept any of my calls and would not see me. He has hurt me so badly. No explanation just pure avoidance. I am a Capricorn and the total opposite of avoidance. I have been able to see by going to his house and knocking on the door. He says I am assertive. Once I saw him I could see he was clearly depressed. He says he still loves me and things are getting better with him. Yesterday he had his doctor's appt. He did call me after wards but I missed his call. He works 14 hours days and at night. He has not called me back to let me know anything. I am ready to move on but I am a fighter and hate to give up. But I am tired. I love him even though there has been minimal physical intimacy. I believe if he would open up and talk to me I could help. We have not had a candid conversation about his problem. Just kinda talk around it. He is a man of great pride and has a problem with talking to me about it. Should I be more patient and wait for him to get well?

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