Ok I know I am not pathetic but I feel so. This scorpo really takes his feelings to heart and it sucks. I am 31 and tired of living alone. Recently I took some advise "open your heart to love and say that she is accepted in your heart." and "endure your thoughts the outcome will be great". It has been 6 months and alot of great things have happened. I guess when you open up to beautiful things beautiful people are atracted. But I can tell you this that I am not picky at relations but I don't like going out to concerts alone nor beeing with my friends without a girl thats cool with my friends. None of the women I've gone out with are on the same page as me.
They like me but I can't like them because there is one girl I really like.
Her name I can't give out but ever since I met her I feel like I am living in her beauty.
I can't tell if she is flirting with me or messing around with me. I think she hates me but why raise false signals? We like the same music we play instruments and like doing crazy things. I have lately been facing alot of negative energy against her. Like thoughts that are against her and things I would never say to her.
I have invited her out and asked her number but thats only when I got liquid courage cause when I'm sober my voice trembles and is squeaky when I face her. I act stupid in front of her. Very embarrassing. I think she likes me when I'm drunk but I'm not going become an alcoholic. What really suck is that my intuition with her is very tuned in to the things she likes. I think I gave her one of the best presents for her birthday. She loved it.
Am I naive by not recognizing when she flirts?
Am I stepping out of my path to her and facing negative consequences?
I said to myself let her go and If it is true you will like her again. I did that but its hard to ignore when she is right there in front of you and can't deny that you like her.
I feel like in junior high all over. My heart drops when I see her and sometimes I think heaven is going to fall. What sucks is that I fell pathetically in love with her and I only have short conversations with her, so I really don't know her.
How can I face her sober without a squeaky voice and racking nerves?