I have recently joined tarot.com and just today signed up for forums. I hope some of you may help me with my current situation =/
Sun sign: Aries
Lately I have been going through a lot and I feel so alone, isolated, depressed, and as though no one around me can truly and fully understand me. My parents are currently going through a divorce. They fought on Saturday and at the same hour I felt almost pressured by my father to decide who i would like to stay with. i feel as though everyone in my house hold turns to me for advice and issues and addresses me as an adult. never once have i felt as though i was the needy child crying for attention. Recently i felt as though I was receiving many signs of myself abruptly coming to a time where i have to make a very vital decision in my life that will be crucial to my future. i ask for guidance and advice as to how would be the best way to deal with my current situation? how may i overcome it?
i also have a friend that i recently became close to and i have helped him the very best way i could in every way possible without ever once asking/expecting/feeling as though i need something in return from him. he even admitted to me one day that out of everybody i was the least he would expect any/this much help from. but.. i feel when we stop seeing each other and stop talking for a few days (2-4 days) everything in his life is going well but as soon as i step back into his life something terrible happens. is this bad coincidence?
i feel like i carry so much mixed emotions within me. although i know it is not good to keep my feelings bottled up within me but when i try to express my feelings they never come out. all my life i grew up as though i had no one to turn to. i was the independent middle child who was expected to fail and struggle in life (but now i am seen to have the higher possibility to success), hardly sick, i cried alone, hid my feelings, and throughout my life i have learned to hide my pain from everybody..literally.. i think that i have learned to hide my emotions so well that even i am now numb. On a side note, i had a broken heart not too long ago which i take blame for partial cause. and sometimes i wonder if due to this reason of heartache.. i have then thrown away my feelings towards love, affection, relationships, commitment, etc to the side and deep down consider it as a waste of my time and energy that will only result in pain, loss, and ache. I will admit that i made this person my first priority... and did everything i could just to please this person. That ONE time i give my everything to someone and for ONCE, i felt so right being with someone.. it ended up being absolutely nothing. what is the best way to deal with all my emotions?
i was actually always a strong believer in spirits ever since i had a real experience when i was a child. but please, i ask for guidance and seek advice for i have never felt so lost, alone, confused, helpless, and broken before.
i thank you all very deeply,