He is very into staying fit. His military background and his playing sports when he was younger is the foundation of this conditioning. I have always wanted to build my body up as well, as I am tall and slim. I have long legs, but very small calves. I've always wanted more shape to them, but didn't know if a person could shape their legs or if they had to be born that way.
At any rate, we basically do everything together. Before we got engaged and we got our house together, he was very possessive of my time. Literally, he wanted me with him every free minute I had. No joke. Ok, fast forward. He has been talking about us working out together, either joining a gym or getting equipment for home. Ok, that's fine with me. We can do this together. He knows all the machines and what they do for the body, so I figure he could be my coach. I mean, he wants to take over my whole life as it is, so helping me to get fit would be right up his alley. Well, it's not. I get the feeling he doesn't want me to go to the gym with him.
I say this because everytime we have spent time at a hotel on a mini vacation, he goes to the gym alone. I literally have to "invite" myself to go with him and I don't get the feeling he really wants me to go with him. I can not explain it. Maybe it's my Piscean/Cancer sensitivity, but I really feel like he'd rather go without me. Yet, ANYTHING or ANYWHERE else, he wants me to go. I know when he wants me to go somewhere with him or wants me to do something with him because he will either not go or do something UNLESS I am with him. Yet, the gym is totally different. I don't know what to think. He gets emotional when I bring up this point -- like it's "touchy". This concerns me because I don't get it.
It leaves me to go down a downward spiral. I know there are women who go to the gym. Some are a bit overweight, but many are not and wear "tight" gym clothing and they look really well built, fit and proportionate. Now, since he does like looking at other women, I guess all men do, this bothers me a bit. But there is nothing I can do about it. I'm a bit insecure because again, I'm slim. I don't know how his past women were built, but I have a feeling they weren't tall and slim like I am. Plus, he wants me to get a boob job (bigger). He says my body would be better proportioned to my height and hips if I had this done. Whatever. Maybe I should be flattered that he wants me to get breast augmentation, but it really doesn't make me feel so great about how I look to him as I am pre-boob job. I feel like he is not completely happy or satisfied with what I have to offer him -- naturally. And this thing about him going to the gym alone -- at night -- without me, when we do EVERYTHING together and he ALWAYS included me in the "GET FIT" lifestyle, I'm thinking I will "cramp his style" at the gym. If there are other women there who look great in their gym gear, he may feel like I am "controlling" his "eyes" to look/gaze/admire the fit bodies all around him.
I guess I am letting my imagination run wild here. He tells me I think whatever I want to think and make more out of it than necessary. But if you man alwasy includes you in EVERYTHING and you pretty much have altered your life to be what he wants, and then he decides to not include you in something that BOTH of you will benefit by and doing something that is fun and that he truly enjoys and is "into", it makes me wonder why he doesn't want to do this as a team/couple.
He's not jealous, I mean, again, who would want me? Plus, I don't give him any reason to be, there's no one else I want and I've been single (and celibate) for eight years prior to meeting him by my own choice.
He's got a really great body (just a little bit of a tummy that is really getting tighter due to fat-burning vitamins and workouts) and he knows it.
I could be making a big deal about this. I just don't get why he appears uncomfortable about my going to the gym WITH him. He tells me I can go with him if I want to, but honestly, based on how I know he is about us doing everything and going everywhere together, it causes me to wonder why the same level of "fervor" is not there when it comes to going to the gym. I told him I've never gone to a gym. I told him this something I thought (by all intents and purposes from our conversations about it) WE would do TOGETHER. But since that is not the case, it makes me wonder whether he wants to go to the gym alone to show off his skills and look at other women admiring him or him admiring them.
Ok, I'm getting tears in my eyes. See what I mean? I'm a mess and probably so friggin' wrong about all of this. I don't know how else to explain it. Gotta go. I wish I wasn't so insecure with him when it comes to my body.......