Hi pilotguy - did you actually tell her that you were MARRIED? OR did you just say that you were "with someone". OR did you say you were "seeing someone" or that you had a :girlfrined".
Did you actually tell her that you were "living with someone". The reason I ask is because many years ago I had someone I knew pay a lot of attention to me. We talked a lot on the phone and we became very good friends. I was pretty sure he had a girlfriend of some sort but he never mentioned her - or when he did it was like "my - uh - girlfriend" - never by name or anything. After about 6 months of talking and emailing - I find out that his girlfriend that has lived with him for several years reads his email, spies on his phone bill, has people she questions about his whereabouts, etc. (ie a real strange - insecure person). Had I known he had a girlfriend that lived with him, I never would have emailed him and probably would not have placed as much trust in him as I did. Maybe he really did want to be my friend and that's why he didn't tell me until an issue surfaced, or maybe he was embarrassed about her behaviour - either way - it wasn't made clear from the start.
So what I am saying is - make it very clear what your situation is and that it IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE ANYTIME IN THIS CENTURY and that you hope she is able to find someone that she is a happy being with as you are wife your wife.