I'd like to start by asking those reading to please, please not judge me. I am trying to fix things, it's just been difficult. I feel as though I am constantly being pulled in two different directions (maybe because I'm a Gemini)...
Here's the deal. I have been involved in a very emotional and sometimes physical affair with a Libra man. Libra man was first a friend, then work colleague, landlord, and friend again of my husband (Cancer) and I. My husband used to joke that Libra was my work spouse before the affair. Libra's significant other passed away suddenly last April. Libra expressed feelings for me in mid-May. While I was always drawn to Libra, I never thought of him as more than a friend until after his significant other died. I discussed Libra's feelings and how I had similar feelings with my husband. He was supportive and understanding.
In June Libra and I ran away for a weekend and started an affair - mostly emotional but sometimes physical... This went on until August when I was asked to choose between Libra and Cancer. I made a decision but did not tell Libra before he ended our relationship. Things between Libra and I were rocky but still our affair did not end. The past two month or so Libra has decided that it is time to move on with his life and that I need to also move on with mine and for reasons ranging from society norms to our ages cannot move on together (he's in his late forties and I'm 24).
I am still married to Cancer. Cancer knows every detail of anything and everything that has ever transpired between me and Libra and he still wants us to try to fix our marriage. What I need is advice on how to get over Libra and fall back in love with Cancer.
The practical side of me says that I need to just cut Cancer free but he wants to be with me and I do love him... I just feel like he deserves so much better than me. I have offered to sign the papers if he wants a divorce and am willing to take full fault. My husband does not want this he insists that we can work it out.
Do any of you have advice on how I can be what he (husband) needs me to be... How I can make him my world again? I need to stop thinking about and caring about Libra and need to fall back in love with my Cancer husband. I've thought about us packing up and moving some place new - a new home - new jobs - so on and just starting over but I fear that it would be the wrong move for us.
Thank you all - I feel better just typing it out.