Sorry I mentioned on my previous post the words Husband, Wife and Married". But I still consider that the relation you have is so much equivalent to marraige.

It does not matter if you are in a romantic love realtion with your husband. What matters is that you have a stable life. Always look for the person that loves you and respects you even if you dont love him. that makes the relation works better. Mr. S is just a phantom of the past that aroused your hidden feelings and he might disappear at any time. try to break the routine of your married life, be creative, you might fail with your husband the first couple of times, but later it will work out well. change things in yourself and in your routine day life. Break the ice. For your husband you can be his wife, his mistress, his friend, his sister, his mother.....you can be everything for him. husband always search for the motherly passion and feelings in their wives. Work hard on your relation with your partner. and if you use all the ways and did not work out, then you can ask " Who you choose". Life is not always Rosy, stability, security and family are very important in life.

1. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

2. You cant make someone a priority in your life, if you are just an option in his.

Thanks Nina, you just said what I wanted to say. I passed through the same experience and really what Nina mentioned worked out well with me. When the man is satisfied that he knows you well and knows everything about your moves, he is so much comfort and feel safe, but if you give him so mistery, that will make his mind and senses work.

Out of my experience which is nearly like yours, I advise you to give him up. I’m sure that he does not have problems with his wife, he is only using this DVD to make you feel sorry and pity for him. To give himself an excuse in front of you for not getting engaged. Even if he has problems with his wife they might not be so serious to search for another alternative. WHO DOES NOT HAVE PROBLEMS WITH HIS/HER WIFE/HUSBAND???. He wants to love and be loved. Even if he will marry you, you will be always the fourth priority in his life. Would you accept that, especially after your 12 years of suffering (as mentioned by you). You deserve better, you need settlement and security and you will never find them with this man. By the way do you have kids from your separated husband?

I suggest too that you talk directly to him. One thing you have to understand, if he chose to leave you in such a way, so he is not a responsible person, he escapes from his responsibilites. He said he will be visiting you and clarifying things, if there is no unexpected reason to prevent him from doing this, so let go. Believe me if he does not deserve your love and attention, cut it short or else you will suffer later as you will be the one to run after him and sacrifice for nothing. If he really loves you and wants you he will come back to you no matter what has happened.