Hello everyone! I am new to this site and consulted a tarot for a question i've had that's been bothering me for some time now. I've used tarot cards numerous times before but have never came across a reading that has spoken to me so profoundly as this one. I'm in a very sensitive, confused, yet hopeful time in my life and was just looking for more insight to this reading. I will list my reading and also what I think it means to me. Any help is greatly appreciated!
How you feel about yourself now: The Devil
What you most want at this moment: Strength
Your fears: The Fool
What is going for you: The Sun
What is going against you: The Tower
Outcome: The Hermit
I have recently made some decisions that i'm not too proud about. I constantly get down on myself wondering if what I chose was the right options. I remain hopeful and am at least 75% of my day positive and happy, but negativity comes creeping on at the most unsuspecting times. And when it hits, it hits hard. I lose sight of all that's good and right in my life and can't stop wondering why things are going so bad. It's as if my life is a roller coaster of up and down extremes. Mainly, when I get the feeling that i'm alone and there is no one out there who can understand or help me. I consider myself a loner, and realizethat no one can bring out happiness to myself except me, but it still gets lonely at times and it really sucks when you, yourself, can't cheer you up. I've been having some really big doubts about my direction in life and which paths are real and imaginary. I have somewhat gave up the "innocence" in my life to pursue a more purposeful and meaningful life by striving towards something impactful with my lifetime here on Earth. I've also met a friend recently who is a psychic and although he has opened me up spiritually to things that were once dormant in my life, the things he tells me I should do for myself go against my own nature and is the complete opposite of what I really want. Yet, we still agree on the more visionary and humanitary ideals of our lives. We don't really connect socially, but I don't connect with anyone else more spiritually. I have my doubts about him and trust issues, however. It might be a past life things, but it still causes me to wonder. Since meeting this new friend, I have somewhat "abandoned" and left my high school friends to go on a more individual journey of self-exploration. My high school friends and lots of the other people associated with them, I feel as if know me as somebody i'm not. I used to act in a way that people would be able to accept and like me, even if it meant suppressing who I really was or wanted to say. Their appraisals and compliments were only confirmations and strokes towards my ego. I still feel a pull towards them and really miss hanging out with them, though everytime I attempt to meet up with them, I am back to my old self. All the old ways of thinking and all this progress i've made spiritually goes out the window. Either that, or i'll try too hard to force my opinions and what i've learned upon them. Only with the best of intentions though. To teach them all that i've realized from my own self-journey. I can see that they are all still doing the same things that they always do and haven't really opened themselves up spiritually yet. They just don't get it. Either that, or they wouldn't don't want to. Everyone is too involved with the materialistic realm and social disturbances to really look inward to discover their potentials. So because of all this confusion, i've debated whether or not to move away and experience something new. I believe that The Tower card goes against this. So now, I am just basically a hermit as the outcome implies, in deep introspection, learning more about myself and the world that surrounds me, convincing myself that I am doing the right thing. This was a lot to read and I thank anyone who takes the time to read it and reply. Any more insight on the cards would be great help as well.