Hi, there. I am amazed at your post, because I was going to post almost the exact same question 2 days ago. I struggle with the guilt of ending a relationship with a man to whom I said "Til death do us part". In my heart, I am no longer in a marriage relationship with him, but I am trying to build on the friendship part. After 8 years of gradual eroding of respect and self-esteem, I think I'm done. I'm giving it a few more months to see how the friendship thing goes, and to build up my self-esteem again. I see the relationship now as a significant part of my life, and I can see my husband as a good person, but not someone with whom I am compatible. We would both have to change our personalities tremendously to avoid the hurt that I'm sure we have both endured (I've been more vocal about mine, his seem to be more frustrations at my responses to his hurtful behaviour). I have tried changing myself for years, and it has not been possible. I try not caring about the hurtful behaviours and attitudes, but that doesn't work. It is not a difference in communication styles but in fundamental personality traits that don't provide the essentials of each other's needs.
This is my experience. I would be very interested to hear yours. After so many years, you've obviously found ways to endure pain and strengthen yourself.