Um... okay... Is it even possible for a Cancer and Libra who are 15 years apart and 600 miles apart to have a relationship? I am not talking marriage and children. I am talking about fun times, emotional connections and good s.e.x.? Or is it just doomed from the beginning?
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RE: Anyone Need Relationship Advice
RE: The Scale and The Crab
I am a Libra and my husband is a Cancer. We met when we were 15, dated intensely for a few months (which is like FOREVER when you are 15), then broke up, dated, broke up, dated, etc until we were 21. We dated steadily until we got engaged at 24 and married five months later. Now at 42 we are getting divorced. I still love him with all my heart but I CAN NOT live with him anymore. He has sucked the life out of me. I got to the point where I no longer knew who I was as a person. I have spent so many years trying to "balance" our relationship and "keep peace" at all costs that I truly don't know if I am capable of formulating my own thoughts. His mood swings are so intense that I spent the last 18 years trying to predict what kind of mood he would be in at any given time and preparing my children and myself for every possible scenario. Gawd forbid I predicted or prepared incorrectly there would be heck to pay.
He has the sharpest tongue and the quickest mind of anyone I have ever met. He could bring me to my knees with just two or three sentences where I would feel as if someone was stabbing me in my heart and twisting the knife.
Yet he could be so sweet and loving and giving that it was so easy to see past the "bad" and live for the "good". I always knew that if I could just "fix" whatever was wrong things could be even that much better.
Eventually it got to the point that it was always "bad". My children were affected in the sense that all they worried about was "what is Dad going to say?" or "is Dad going to be mad?" or "how should we tell Dad?" I realized I was setting a terrible example for them (both girls). I didn't want them to grow up thinking the only way to make a man/husband/father happy is to constantly grovel, apologize and succumb to his every wish/demand. I decided to get out while I could still (somewhat) think for myself.
Filing for divorce is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
RE: Cancer man and libran woman help!
I am a Libra who has been married to a Cancer for 18 years this coming February. In addition to that we dated off and on for nine years before we got married. I love him dearly but can no longer live with him. He has sucked the life out of me. The uncertainty of "which" husband was going grace me with his presence at any given time has finally caused me to start proceedings to end the marriage. I no longer know who I am or what I think or what my beliefs or opinions are. Being a Libra I want harmony at all costs. I have worked so hard to make him happy, conforming to his every demand and NEED, that I have totally lost myself. Because, as we all know, when HE is happy EVERYONE is happy. It's so hard to keep a Cancer happy. I sacrificed myself for him and I have finally matured enough to realize it. Initiating divorce proceedings is the hardest thing I have ever done because I still LOVE him so much but I CANNOT allow myself to be sucked into his black hole anymore. It took me about ten years to finaly make up my mind to do this. (Libra indecision, I guess.)
I don't know if this pertains to your situation or not. I actually don't even know what you are asking for in your post. I am just telling you my experience- for what it's worth.
RE: Cancer...the underdog?
My husband (soon to be ex) is a far cry from an underdog! He is about the most selfish person I have ever met. If it is not about HIM or doesn't benefit HIM he won't give it another thought. As for children... he provides for his financially but that's about it. He won't give up any of his "needs" for them. For example, he watches Monday night football with friends on Monday, goes sailing on Wednesday nights, art lessons on Thursdays, happy hour that turns into all nighters Fridays, college football gatherings on Saturdays and hunting or sailing on Sundays. If one of our children has something that falls on any day but Tuesday he can't make it. Yep, that's right. He devotes ONE night a week to his kids.
As for me... won't even change a light bulb or bring in the trash cans. He feels like he works hard and provides the money and the rest is up to me.
Underdog my ***!
RE: Cancer man, and he is confusing
I have been lurking for many months and am ready to tell my story:
I am a Libra. My husband of 17 years is a Cancer. We met when we were 15. Dated off and on until we were 21, then became exclusive. Married at 24, child #1 at 26 and child #2 at 27. In March (six months ago) I finally got up the courage to ask him to leave. Why? I believe he is certifiably crazy. I believe he may be bi-polar. He is controlling, domineering, verbally abusive, selfish, demeaning, hurtful, hateful, charming, giving, caring, self-less, compassionate and loving ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Throughout our dating years (age 15-21) he pushed me away/pulled me in so many times I can't even begin to count. Every time he would push me away I would go through normal break-up emotions. As I would finally start to heal and get into a relationship with someone else he would appear (literally) on my door step and beg, plead, woo, CHARM me into going out with him again. I always caved. We would start dating again and the cycle would repeat. I could never say "no" to him.
After college we became exclusive. He quit pushing me away, but over time he forced me to remove everything from my life that he felt was threatening to him. By the time we got married I had no friends (why did I need anyone but but him?), no independence (why go alone when we can go TOGETHER?), no outside interests (if HE wasn't interested then I shouldn't be either), and pretty much no thought process I could call my own.
I worshipped him BECAUSE he worshipped me. He made me fell as if nothing was good enough for me but him because I was the only thing good enough for him. Does that make sense?
Of course I didn't see any of this at the time. After our kids were born I quit my job to be a "better mother" at his insistence. Of course I agreed. We had plenty of money with his job and I felt so special knowing that he was taking care of me and the kids. All I had to do in return was EVERYTHING HE WANTED. Small price to pay to know that I am raising my children in the "best environment a child could ask for."
About four years ago I began realizing that most of my adult life I had allowed myself to fall into this trap. I could not, however, find a way out. Nor did I really want to... I had a beautiful, big house, nice cars, house-keeper, no limit to the money I could spend, well-mannered, intelligent, beautiful children, etc. I knew I would have to give ALL that up if I wanted things to be different. When you look at it that way - my life was pretty perfect. So I resisted the negative thoughts.
Last September he became absolutely, unbearably possessive. I literally could not use the bathroom without him following me. He pretty much quit going into work (except for about ten hours a week) and literally followed me around EVERYWHERE. If I went to the grocery he went along for the ride. If I went to work out he went too. PTA meeting at school? He joined. I spent probably less than three hours a day apart from him.
Needless to say, I became more and more miserable every day. The more he wanted to be with me the more I came to despise him.
The final straw was in March. Quite by accident I discovered that since November he had been tracking my every movement with a GPS system installed on my car. He put spy-ware on my computer and knew every email I sent or received, every web-site I looked at, every song on i-tunes I listened to AND read everything I wrote in my "journal". (A lot of it was very negative stuff about him.) He also had my cell phone tapped and got a print out of every text I sent or received. I had not one iota of privacy. I felt like I had been violated!!!!
He was keeping track of all this info at his office. His SECRETARY documented and made a report for him daily. I went in to get some insurance papers while he was at a funeral and stumbled across her in his office typing the reports.
Long, long story shortened (if you can believe it) I mustered up the courage THAT day to tell him to leave. Did I EVER give him just cause to spy? NO! Did he "find" any "evidence" of any wrong-doings on my part? NO! Why did he do it? To "get closer" to me. He felt like I was becoming distant and he wanted to get into my mind so we could be closer. DUH! When was he going to stop? NEVER!!!
For six months I have stood strong. Now I can feel myself weakening. He is back to his charming ways. I am starting to wonder... was it really that bad? Can we start over with some new ground rules? I don't think things will be any different. I don't think he CAN be different.
Actually, now that I have written this VERY condensed version of my life I am experiencing some of the pain all over again and wondering WHY I would even consider giving in to him. Funny how that works. I've just given myself the strength I need to stay strong.
I am going to post this anyway so I can "see" it and you can all hopefully learn from my mistakes. But rest assured my friends, I have just re-realized how miserable I was and how much better-off I am now.
Thanks for reading.