Do you have a particular spread that interests you most?
I'm willing to do a reading if you're still in need.
This might end up being a semi long read so a heartfelt "thank you" to anyone who makes it through this and offers an interpretation.
Normally I'm comfortable doing my own readings/interpretations, but this time I'm having difficult seeing past my own biased involvement within the situation.
Today I received my brand new tarot cards in the mail, it's a classic Rider Waite deck. My old deck was lost awhile ago and it's been some time since I've last done a reading, also recent life circumstances lead me back into seeking advice.
I'll need to explain a little bit about my current situation to give you an idea of the background involved.
I recently ran into an old lover of mine. My first love actually. It has been 20 years since we were boyfriend/girlfriend. I remember the first time I saw this woman, the visual image of her has remained in my mind since then. I remember her white sweater, her pants, her warm smile, everything. I was 17, she was 16. It was the first time in my life I've experienced love at first sight.
We dated for some time. She was the first person I ever had sex with and I was the first person she had ever slept with. Due to the awkwardness associated with sex at that age, we did not discover this fact until 20 years later when she happened to move back into the same state and we began talking.
We've recently began dating again and we have moved from "dating" into an "exclusive" relationship stage very quickly. The love between is is very passionate. I've always wondered what exactly happened between us all those years ago. I've thought about her my entire life. She expressed that she had tried to find me numerous times on social media, but I had not created an account until recently.
After some heartfelt discussions she told me..
One afternoon while swinging on the swing sets at a park near my house, we got into a silly argument. Neither of us remember what exactly it was over but I told her "I can't do this anymore" she asked if that meant I was breaking up with her and I replied with "Yes" and walked back home.
I left her crying on the swing set that day.
It broke my heart to hear this story of what actually happened between us. I can't help but wonder what could have happened between us sound I have handled the situation differently. She had abandonment issues prior to this and has told me that my actions back then really reinforced the belief.
Since we split up 20 years ago she has been involved in relationships with manipulating/controling men. Shes dealt with physical and mental abuse. Part of me feels really guilty about my actions back then. I see how it has affected her "growing up" and into her adult life. She has developed some very unhealthy coping skills, and I want to love her through these issues she is dealing with.
She recently got a divorce and has tried distancing her from his life. However he is still controlling her in numerous ways even from many states away. He will scare her with talk of moving to her same town and getting a job in the area. I can see how years of mental/physical abuse has taken a toll on her. She believes that she has no control over the situation. She is scared that he is showing up tomorrow. He will send her a text saying "I'm coming to see you on" such and such" date, and then block her number so she can't reply to him.
After opening my new cards I did a quick smudging with some white sage and began to shuffle the deck. I hadn't decided on what spread to use, I only knew I wanted it to be about us" and to gain insight into our relationship.
After some time of shuffling I felt the cards had been mixed quite well, I wanted to make sure since they were a new deck. I decided on one more shuffle and as I cut the cards my subconscious glanced down at the card that was visible on my cut.
I couldn't deny that part of me focused down on the card, it didn't happen by conscious choice however. I took notice.
I decided against going for any certain spread per say. I shuffled the cards again from where I'd previously cut them on The Tower. My cut this time was on
I decided I'd do this method once more. I shuffled and cut the deck.
King of Wands.
Given the background information I've supplied, I'm curious if someone could give an interpretation of these cards.
King of Wands
The only thing I can think I may have left out is she does have a young son from a previous relationship but not her marriage.
If anyone has the time any help would be appreciated.
Feel free to ask any questions if you feel a better explanation would assist you in interpretating this reading for me.