It sounds like you really care for this man and find it hard to stay away for very long. First of all I want to share with you that being involved with a married man is immoral regardless of if you love him or he loves you. Secondly, how could you ever trust each other if you build a future on deciept together knowing that he cheated on his wife with you? That makes you a cheater too! Most people get caught up in the relationship and think that the "end will justify the means", but most will end up in nothing but misery for all involved. I have grown children in their 20s and 30s now, and have seen and experianced it all. My children are still reeling from their fathers indescression and cheating. Even though he married the woman and has been married for over ten years, my children still haven't forgiven him from cheating on me and leaving me after a 19 year marriage. I have moved on, but the residual negative effects continue in my three kids lives. My 26 year old daughter doesn't trust men and has trouble picking good men. My 30 year old daughter has had a few abussive relationships, and now is in a great loving relationship but is affraid of marriage. She thinks all men cheat and will leave the woman after years of marriage and when she is old, for a younger woman. My 35 year old son has a 13 year old son and picked disfunctional women in the past and is having trouble in his current relationship. If you think your actions will only affect you and the man, you are sadly mistaken! Think about the consequences of your actions for yourself and any children who will base their relationship perceptions and futures on watching your choices. I feel bad like I am lecturing you, but this is only out of true concern that I am sharing this with you. I wish someone had shared all of this with me when I needed it. I feel that women don't value themselves when they make these types of decisions to stay involved with these kind of men. I don't care how bad a man has it at home, that doesn't make it ok to destroy other people's lives. That is just plain selfish on his part. You are being used! If you don't respect yourself, at least show respect to your children and get out of that toxic relationship. Find someone who values you, so you can live a life of truth and integrity! Don't settle! I have settled for men who were not worthy of me in the past. I won't do that anymore. I am taking care of myself now. I have a heart to share with women and to help them learn to love themselves first and foremost. Because if you don't love yourself, you can't really love someone else with a pure love. You are just needy and desperate. Women deserve a real love, a love that does not have reservations (like a wife on the side), a love that is unselfish and committed. I hope you consider these words and find strength to end this relationship. You and your kids are worth it!!!!!!!!!