I'll try and keep this as brief as possible .. it's been a long 4 years and I love this man dearly. Condensed version - I met him 4 years ago, neighbor of a relative. Charming, gregarious, very funny, smart, hard working. The chemistry was out of this world and like nothing I've ever felt but we both acted like we didn't like each other for some time, always debating and a lot of wit. Two months later, we got together one night. Please let me explain about this guy. I was 38, he was 31. While a very healthy sexual male, he had only been with maybe 4 women before me, and none in about 5 years prior ... due to what I later learned as a true phobia to relationships. I literally am the first true girlfriend he's ever had .. I moved 2 hours away a year later and he began calling every night. Our bond grew stronger. We went through a miscarriage (I have 2 kids, him none, he's terrified of fatherhood and wants none due to his icy cold father) ...
It's SO hard to explain this guy. Only I know the real him. He has a one best friend and another family he's close to. Other than that I'm it and I'm the only person he trusts, have a key to his house, etc. He works, comes home, works, comes home, does not socialize hardly ever unless it's a rare neighbor get together. He's charming but also eccentric and somewhat isolated, always talking about what a sad life he has, as if accepting it as such. Even still, he has been devoted in his nightly calls for almost 3 years, and when we have spent time together at his house he has gone through depression when I'd leave .. I cannot emphasize enough what an odd duck and yet in other ways a rare gem this guy is. On the other side of the coin he jokes about literally everything and sometimes he's more than one guy. Very serious, or not serious at all. But either way I've been the ONLY person to ever truly get close to him.
5 weeks ago I got sick, with a female problem he's seen me through, please again keep in mind we are 2 hours away so this recently is all by phone. I kept my phone off a few nights and the third night, I missed his call. I sent him an email letting him know I was sick. Somehow in that, I never heard from him again (up until a few days ago). He sometimes goes into a depression and I've given him his space, so I left it for a while. We've gone a week at most at times like that and the one thing he could never EVER stand is if he thinks I'm hurting. I have always been his "soft spot" and anyone who knew us even if they didn't like him would always say "you and he will always be, the guy needs you." When we'd see each other even all these years later .. the chemistry was as if it was the first time. People used to comment all the time on how "smitten" we always seemed with each other, even if in a smartass type of way. I've been married before and never felt this type of connection with anyone.
Last week it hit the month mark and I began to think okay something has happened to him because he would not do this. I was abandoned in my teen years overnight by my stepdad, my bio father was murdered when I was a child, and 2 other significant sudden absences in my life ... my guy was the one who always swore no matter what .. EVER ... because of my past .. would he ever disappear. So I started trying again to get a hold of him. My daughters called him and left messages. I called and told him I'd be on my way down. It was always the plan that if I didn't hear from him, I'd drive down and check. As of last Thursday I was convinced he was in peril.
Friday morning i received an email "I am fine"
nothing else ... My guy has "gone cold" before but only a few days and never like this. He's aware that I have NO idea what he's upset with me over .... and there is literally nothing he could ever find out, or any betrayal on my part. he knows everything there is to know so the only thing this can be is he tried to call me and got "hurt" that I was ignoring him. But that has happened before and didn't get this sudden "gone".
I left him a message on Friday on his phone and he had gone to the extent of shortening the length of recording time. I ended up just telling him that I'll always love him and care about him but that I'm done too. I then left him an email I had written a few weeks ago, about my concerns for his mind, his well being, depressions, etc (things he only confided in me over) ... and I left it at that.
4 YEARS and I don't know why he's gone, how he could even have it IN him to put me through another abandonment and this time not even know why, let alone that I was sick. I have no idea why it seems he hates me. I have not contacted since then.
If nothing else, he and I had a deeply strong bond, beyond the relationship, our friendship was amazing. I've considered another woman but that is SO unlikely simply due to 1. his fear of pregnancy and 2. he is intimacy PHOBIC .. it took me months and literally living on that same property with my sister. People used to joke we ended up together because a woman moved into his backyard. So I don't think that's it. He's too hermit like and has major sleeping disorders .. but my heart is broken. I've never felt this type of emotional pain over anyone. He was my longest relationship and the person aside from my own kids I'd have given a kidney to. He knows I was ready to drive down to check on him.
He is an Aquarius, I am a Gemini.
I simply want to know if he is going to forever leave it this way, never even telling me why or what happened ... and what if any move at all I should make, in terms of any contact. My gut tells me to wait it out. I said my peace .. but it really appears he's gone into this "ice age" coldness and I don't know if this time he's coming out of it.
I'm in shock ... this WAS the one thing he could never do. Is he ever coming out of it, even so we can say goodbye in a more loving way than this puzzling "hate"?