Sorry it's been a while. I have inboxed u with my reply, u can inbox me back on fb, Speak soon. Take care,
It's Sahana from p.25 of your thread (lol). Wow can't believe how fast this thread has moved on. Congrats to you and all the women that have shared their stories on here Jen I have so much catching up to do with you. I've been trying to read all your updates on your virgo man.
It's been a while since i've been on this website so have forgotten how to send you a personal email. I would like to share a lot with you in private if possible. Can you let me know how I can email you ?
Thanks Sahana x
No need to apologise for opening your heart out. I understood that you are still very young from the way in which you express yourself when you write. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you are going through a lot at this moment in time.
It is a tough thing to do and you have taken the first steps to helping yourself with the right kind of support . You will find lots of support on this forum. Non of us are experts here we all respect each other as equal and non of us are here to judge, we are all learning from each other So feel free to come on here and chat anytime.
You mentioned` it’s only when you give up on a virgo that a virgo starts thinking' that is true. It’s a shame that it has to come to that for them to realize. Keeping a physical connection with him is a personal choice, but I feel it will make it hard for you to move forward in the long run if you want to start a new relationship with someone. A clean break will give you a chance do decide on what you want. It may even be that after some time apart, you may want to give it another chance. Either way, by holding onto the past and staying in your current situation, you are delaying destiny’s answer to you.
This is what a psychic said to me once. I will always remember her words. We often have readings because we want to know our future and what lies ahead. I continued seeing him and wanted to know if there was someone better out there for me and she said `how does that make a difference?, even if there were, you are delaying destiny’s answer to you by holding onto your past. You need to let go first, in order to allow something to move towards you.’
By letting go, two things will happen, either things will change for the better for the both of you and you will be back together happier and with a better understanding, or you will grow apart and something better will be out there for you. But you must be apart for a while, to allow this answer to come to you.
I know the pain of being apart is hard, but time is a great healer and you will find yourself stronger in a couple of months and able to deal with it. Many of us have gone through this parting phase already, and if someone is truly ment to be in your life, circumstances will come and go, but they will surely remain there in your life.
Please do come on here always, whenever you need to talk.
Thanks everyone for all your replies
I agree, it is sad and disheartening to watch someone you care about become the obstacle of their own happiness. The quote on happiness reminds me each time that it is important to resolve one’s own issues before setting out to start a relationship and expecting that person to come along and fix everything. Only then will we find balance and add value to our relationships and in turn this will bring along true long lasting happiness.
I have read a lot of articles on the net, on passive/regressive relationships in the past. You are spot on to highlight this. There are many relationships where this tug of war goes on between men and women, over power and control issues and it goes on a lot with Virgos. But I also know, what I referred to earlier as virgo’s
emotional dance ‘ or call it passive/aggressive behaviour, they only continue with that to a point when they feel they can get away with it. I have known my virgo for many years and he knows he cannot pull a fast one with me anymore, maybe in the earlier years of our dating, but not anymore. He has actually saidyou know me very well.’ I have stopped dealing with him on a surface level and dealt with the depth of what’s niggling at him. I have come to the conclusion that when a Virgo decides to deal with his issues he will be a happier person and add more value to a relationship. But trying to `sweep things under the rug ‘ in hope that things will go away (as Jenever mentioned) is not going to help anyone. And even worse is to try and fill that void through someone else. That is only a diversion and short term happiness. It will give you a quick high and then an immediate low when reality hits and our problems are still there.
When relationships end, by knowing what we don’t want in life actually helps us realize what we do want. It makes the picture clearer for the way forward. When I ask myself, what has virgo added to my life? The answer I find is, he has made me stronger as a person and helped me with the way forward. I now want a happy healthy balanced relationship, with a person that can brings the same to the table. I will no longer fill in the voids or gaps for anyone. If my virgo wants true happiness, he will have to work on his personal issues first and then start a relationship with someone. He has to be emotionally free and available less any baggage. It’s his choice at the end of the day, until he doesn’t he will continue to form relationships on a surface level and never really experience the depth of true love. I have shared so much with him over the years, I will always care for him deeply. I have agreed to stay friends, but he knows I am ready to move on now.
Welcome to the group ! I know of a few Aries and Virgo combinations and they generally work out well. Virgo men find Aries women very independent and strong and admire them a lot for this . I am sure he found the same qualities in you. From what you have said, it sounds like there is a genuine liking for you from his side. However I’m not sure how `being friends with benefits’ will help you going forward, because you say you are ready to move on, but this may be giving him mixed messages. Even if you are comfortable with the way things are at present, my guess is, it is confusing him.
I am a Scorpio and have known my Virgo over 7 years. I have 3 Virgo’s in my family and only now am I starting to feel I have a good understanding of them. But even for me, it is tricky at times to really know what they are thinking. My sister is an Aries and my brother in law is a Virgo and he loves her straight forwardness, because he lacks that in himself. Opposites attract I guess. That is her key strength and I think you should use that too. Maybe have an open chat with him and let him know how your feelings have changed and see where things go from there
With regards to seeing `married men or not’ I think that’s a whole different topic – lol ! All I can say is, I respect each person and where they are coming from. We all have different and individual circumstances to the other, I cannot be the judge of that.
It’s great to hear from you again ! You have raised some points about Virgo that I can totally relate to. I agree with you when you say that all relationships have problems, it’s how we deal with them that makes the difference. But I feel in order to even take that step, one has to be emotionally free to want to deal with the relationship. This is where your next point comes to mind.
I don’t even mind that my virgo has turned to me for emotional support, but one has to be ready to talk about issues and confront what’s ahead, even if we don’t feel like dealing with it sometimes. This is the point where virgo men like to `sweep things under the rug and pretend they are not there’ and that in turn does not bring out the best in us and that’s when ( as AriesBB mentioned) the passive/aggressive characteristics start to form in the relationship even though we don’t want them to (sigh).
I also like the examples you gave to the 3 different styles of problem solving. My Virgo has always been a
sweep it under the rug’ guy and I started out asone who jumps into confrontation’ although that is not my normal behavior, but his refusal to talk about things, led to this reaction. Over the years as I have got to understand the deeper layers of his personality and why he does what he does, I have changed into a negotiator which is slightly better, because we respect each other’s differences now and are able to discuss things more openly, but it it’s still not ideal. He continues to stay away from the important subjects that need addressing.
Jen I loved your last paragraph ! I have read it a couple of times. You mentioned that you were able to change outcomes with your V because you knew what his reactions would be to certain situations. Being a Cancer I think you have a great understanding of Virgo’s I would love for you to elaborate on this more with some examples if you don’t mind
LOL - Whilst typing this, I just came across your new post so have just updated myself. I think you are dealing with your virgo in the right manner. Sending him that email would have been my response too and I would have made it precise, as you did. It’s funny I get that wave feeling on days too. I feel guilt sometimes that I do not contact him enough as he would like me to.
I also know both our Virgo’s need to know we are there, they rely on our friendship a lot. That person becomes an important part of our life, even though we may not be talking to them everyday, they are always in our thoughts. I have done things on impulse sometimes when I get that wave feeling of emotions and suddenly in the day I am thinking `I wonder if he is ok?’ I then send him an email to say, hi just wanted to know if your ok, how are things ? It’s just my way of knowing that he’s fine, I know that sounds silly, but as you said it’s just the way the heart works sometimes.
I can also relate to the part when you say `the actions have to fit the words’. With Virgo’s if you keep a good distance, it makes them think and question their approach. They then work hard to try and do things differently to get a better result. I am hoping he is doing the same with you Jen. I don’t know about his actions but your actions are definitely making him think – lol ! He knows it’s not normally like you and he is noticing the change. Good, your lack of action will bring about his action !
I have tried many times to use my head in matters of the heart in the past and as you have said rightly before, the heart always gives way. So I think we should not feel bad when it wants to run freely from time to time. If you have a day when you want to talk to him, do it and you will feel better, or it will play on your mind. I think you will hear from him soon. The fact that you did not reply, I am sure he is thinking about this as we speak. He is going over your silences as well as what you have said. You will definitely hear from him soon. Keep us posted Jen.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. !
It is freezing here in London (sigh). Speak to u all soon.
Lots of Love
It’s been a while since we spoke last. Even though I have not written on the thread recently, I have been popping in and out checking all the interesting posts ! I want to congratulate you on the success of this thread. We are all gaining a lot of insight on here and its all thanks to you. How are things between you and your virgo? I sure hope he realizes how lucky he is to have such a gem of a friend in you.
Jenever, I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you that I have had over the past few months. I think the last time I spoke with you I mentioned that after 5 years of being together, mr virgo called it off between us. That was early last year, since then he has got back in touch and I have told him that I want to remain friends. He is not happy with my answer and wants to get back together. The time I had apart from him, helped me get back in touch with my own feelings.
I still have strong feelings for him in my heart, but that is not enough to make a relationship work, it takes two. I guess what I was wanting to hear from him is that his situation has changed or even that he has done some thinking about what he wants to do next in his life, but as I thought he is the same as he was when I left him, he says he does not know what he wants and is still with the wife he does not get on with and the kids. He has done no work on himself during the time we have been apart. That is very disheartening for me, even as a friend, to see someone continue in an unhappy situation and not do anything about it. But I also know that the only person that can help him is him himself. We have had many conversations over this in the past, but at the end of the day `you can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.’
I have come to realize that, somewhere deep down in every virgo man is the hope that we keep hanging on so that his life can continue the way it is. However if we choose to move on, it is a great inconvenience for them and they will tell you that you are being selfish, but when it comes to us telling them that they are not there for us, it’s a whole list of circumstantial justifications that we are expected to understand and sit patient for dear life !
This is very true of the virgo man. He will project that his happiness comes from you and hold you responsible for that, when we all know that happiness can only come from being content within ourselves and then we will find happiness in everything around us. You cannot expect to find happiness from someone else when you are not happy from within.
It has taken me a long while to realize this, but in my experience, Virgo men who have been hurt in the past, create defenses around themselves to avoid being hurt again, including defenses against love itself. Because for them, loving responses from another bring about feelings of anxiety and sadness. Love hurts so much and so in order to avoid the pain, they do a back and forth emotional dance in front of us , to avoid being truly loved. This then tilts our world and theirs and creates anxiety. Sometimes its easier for them to settle for an illusion. A lot of them prefer to create fantasy relationships , that may have the outward signs of commitment but lack the joys and tension of real love. This way they don’t have to worry about losing something if they don’t actually have it to begin with. ‘
I have found that Virgo men do struggle with commitment and consistency. This is because soon after making their promises, they realize their reality is far removed from their fantasy and the picture that they had painted infront of us. Building an ideal relationship on the back of one’s mate , without having the appropriate external behaviours to match this, has no value to your partner other than to disturb the true reality of your relationship.
A virgo can only find true happiness and real love when they realize that they need to embrace behaviours that will enhance the emotional well being for both people involved in the relationship. They need to appreciate and respect the true nature of the other person and support their personal freedom and space too. It’s not about fixing or changing the other person to suit their needs. It’s not about using the other person for one’s own sense of identity or emotional security or to fill in the voids. A virgo man needs to learn that he needs to have those qualities in place within himself, before he goes looking for those in his partner.
What they don’t realize, often, is that they are without the capability of truly loving another because they haven’t yet worked on their own issues. They’re looking for someone to "complete" them and make them feel whole. That is not the foundation of real love.’
Whatever his situation and circumstances, he needs to work on them first regardless of me and because he wants to, not because he is doing it for me. He also needs to be clear of what he wants and be happy within himself before he sets out to have a relationship with anyone.
Happiness and contentment is a choice and I have recently mentioned the following quotes to my virgo to help him realize that happiness is not far from him it is within all of us. We must seek it in ourselves first, before trying to find it in someone else. Many virgos always shift blame on circumstances for things going wrong in their lives and prefer to stay down and out about it rather looking at the glass as half full and being positive and taking a grip of their lives and future happiness.
Happiness is not something far away and unattainable, and it does not depend on circumstances. Objects and events are not its causes. It is an inseparable part of our consciousness, it is hidden and covered from sight by our endless thoughts, desires and worries.
This happiness is always constant and eternal. It is our nature; only our thoughts stand in our way of experiencing it.
You cannot see a treasure at the bottom of a stormy and muddy lake though it is there. Make the water still, and let the mud sink, and you see the treasure. The treasure is there whether you see it or not. So is happiness. It is always here, only covered and hidden by our thoughts.
`The gateway to happiness lies in our hands. It is a personal choice.'
I will always be there for my virgo as a friend, I really hope one day he finds happiness from within.
I would love to hear your thoughts Jen. Hope to speak to you soon. Take care.
Hope u don't mind, but since this thread has been temporarily hijacked, just felt like sharing some positive quotes with everyone for inspiration..'
"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him."
"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell."
"The thought manifests as the word; The word manifests as the deed; The deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care, And let it spring from love Born out of concern for all beings."
"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."
All I can say is, he's very lucky to have u there in his life, even as a friend. I just hope at the end of it all, you two are together, for all the time you are investing in this. I have been there myself and know how hard it is to pull away. Whenever I am with him, I have always listened to my inner voice to guide me forward, and it has also worked for me. Sometimes, situations come about in life, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, that can't just be dealt with in black and white. Especially in his situation where he has so much to deal with.
I have a lot of experience with dealing with Virgo's, my sister and my father are both Virgo's. It takes an immense amount of patience to get along with them, but in the end, they do have a heart of gold. I agree with you, many members have spoken of their frustrations with virgo's, but virgo's will always want matters to be dealt with calmly and maturely without any tantrums (which can be hard at times, given how they drive us all around the bend lol). You seem to have understood them very well. Your insight into their minds and how they work is spot on.
Not everybody has the patience to help someone through their thought process, like you are helping him, directly or indirectly, it doesn't matter, but it is making him question certain things about himself that he did not even think about until you came along, which is good.
I can't really comment on your situation, but I know my Virgo will only leave his situation if his wife left him first, I don't think he has the heart to do that to his boys, even though he says he hardly talks to his wife. I know a lot of people have said on here that a married man will always say that so he can have his cake and eat it too, but I don't think every case is the same.
My virgo would never go home until he knew she had gone. He went to the extent of working nights, so they would hardly pass in the day (because she would be at work). Sometimes he would just take off and go for long drives by himself and come back home in the early hours of the morning. I really miss him Jen when I remember all this because I believe him when he says he has not shared this with anyone apart from me, I know Virgo's are very private individuals and if they share anything like that with u it must be special.
Jen, when he sent you that email
I care about u a lot' remember virgo's are always worried about coming across too vulnerable to someone else, so he will always play it down a bit, so therefore what he really wants to say isI love u and I need u' . I think you know that already, just like I know my virgo loves me too.
I really hope thing workout for you Jen. You deserve the best. Sorry about earlier when I said u must get bored, I was just pulling your leg lol, I know we all get inspiration from each other on this thread, but I agree with you that sometimes reading too much (even if its good) can bring it all back. Taking regular breaks is good, when u have so much fan mail to come back too. (lol - just kidding again ! x )
You have always been so kind to us, I'm sorry I didn't realise that we must bore u at times, with all our tales lol. Don't worry about me I wil be fine, but as a friend I do worry about u. The 5 years I went through with him I do not regret, I loved him and still do but what I have realised is he doesn't need me to fix his stuff and I believe the same is true for u. I just wish at the end of the 5 years it didn't finish the way it did with him not any wiser and no progress with his situation.
I know what u mean about this forum draining u at times, I think u should come on now and again, its not ur fault u have such a large fan club. What started as just ur thoughts has got everyone hanging on now ! lol You have turned this thread into a life saver for anyone that needs an insight into the heart of the virgo man. Its all thanks to u, ur kindness and generosity.
Jenever, do u know whats strange, even though I have lost contact, I don't know why my heart says its not over yet. I have had a few tarot readings done, and he shows up in my cards all the time. But even so, since he broke it off I will not initiate contact, he can contact me now, he knows where I am.
I really know how u feel when u say u need a break from him now. Have that conversation with him about just being friends and let him know that you will move on if the right guy comes along. If he really loves u Jen and is not selfish then he will want u to be happy and not hold onto to u for himself when he is not in a position practically to do anything for the both of u. I think u know what I mean.
I know u said u have had these talks in the past and he keeps talking his way back - that is the virgo art of persuasion, they all have truck loads of it ! Don't fall into that trap, I have done that many times and he kept getting me back just where he wanted me. Stand ur ground, he will respect it in the long run.
Once u've had a good one to one with him, u will feel so much lighter and happier, like a weight has been lifted off and you can progress forward with yourself and ur own life. Jen u r such a wonderful soul, I have no doubt in my mind that u will not be single for too long. It is his loss at the end of the day, although I too like u end up feeling sorry for my virgo for the fact that he can't find himself a way out of his mess.
Take a break away from him, reduce the conact a little so that he knows he can't depend on u so much. At the end of the day one of two things will happen 1) he will continue with his life the way it is and accept this sad existence 2) he will realise what he has lost and take the steps needed to be with u.
But in both cases Jen, we don't need to be there, which ever option they take, they need to do it alone, its very important that that decision comes from them alone, even if their decision is to be with us, they have to want that without any influence from us by their side.
Before I would always pray to god to give me my mr virgo, now my prayer has changed, I now say god give me whats best for me, because I trust his judgement and he knows better what is right for me. Jen I will pray for u too, things wil get better for u, I promise .You can email me anytime when u want to chat or off load, I am always here for u. Keep in touch. Speak soon.
Lots of love hugs & kisses