Daliolite, thank you so much. I'll show him this early tomorrow and focus on the part where you say "He can still rebuild his life". Yes, I read tarot since when I was around 18-19 years old but right now I don't have the energy to do so. This is draining me a lot. We know each other since school, when we were both 6 and always been very close to each other. We are closer than most brothers I know.
You are right on everything you said about him. He is (we both are) an outdoors type, yeah. Would you have any further details on an outdoors income? Also, quite right when you see pride. He is a very proud guy, very, very proud and that is the reason why he had to create a role which amounts almost to a whole fictious life, for his family and where problems started. Many years ago he and his father went apart and don't speak to each other ever since. This happened 15 or 16 years ago. One of the things the man told him was that he wouldn't be anybody in his life because of being gay. And he tried the utmost in order to be somebody. It worked out +- ok for some years but then his legendary bad luck intervened and things started going astray. A little over one year ago he committed this fraud at a very hard moment for him money-wise and that is the decision represented by the judgement, not any problems with the law. He never had anything of the sort. He was between a rock and a hard place and at the time all he could do was trying to make and gain time and that is when all this started. The decision he made was that he would take his life if he was ever discovered before being able to put back what he took. It is not only the issue of being ashamed and feeling guilty which he is and feels. It is also and most of all that when something like this becomes known by everybody in his family all they think of him will burn to the ground, the whole part he created will go away like smoke and, worst, for the first time ever they will have something to point their fingers at him and nobody will miss the opportunity. Something like this will, undoubtly, reach his fathers' ears and will be the greatest satisfaction the man will have in years, to learn that his son did something like this and best of all something as serious as this is. It will be a joyfull moment for the man. In the meantime my friend tried to work things out, of course but, oh oh oh, is legendary bad luck came again and he broke a foot while walking with his dog. We were together and I didn't fall in the same hole by luck. I let him and the dog go in front so they were the ones who went down. It could had been me had I crossed first and right now I wish I had been the one with the injury. The worst of this accident wasn't the foot. It was the effect it had on him, on his self-confidence and the way he felt in general. At a time when he was rebuilding his life this happened and it had a terrible effect on his spirit. One of the effects leads me to something you said, talking with some religious person. With this accident he lost his faith. It had never happened before. At times he used to complain that God didn't like him and things of the sort but this time he really lost his faith which, in a way, he was now slowly recovering. He even went to a sanctuary with his mother a couple weeks ago. Back when of the accident I remember him saying that it wasn't fair that something like that happened to him right at that time when things were starting to go fine again and the fact that it did proves one of two things, that either God does not exist or He exists and hates him. Sometime during the outburst of anger caused by the accident he threw out all religious things he had at his place. Books, images, a rosary, he threw it all in the garbage. This happened in February and only recently was he starting to think about moving forward again. And now the fraud was discovered, another blow, the worst he could get at a terrible time and right after he went to a sanctuary asking for protection and a little bit of luck. All things add up to where he is right now. One thing I must say. His world his falling apart, his life is a wreck, he is suffering, he deeply feels all this and, somehow, he manages to keep his composure and keeps on being is usual self for everybody. By looking at him noone would dream about his current predicaments. He keeps on playing and making jokes, going to the beach, late summer days like any other late summer days.
His XXXXL-sized ego, some conceptions about life, his education, his past, the materialism with which he was raised and which is a rule in his family, mainly for the grand-mother, everything, led to this. The role he created was in large part to be respected by granny for she doesn't respect (quite the opposite) anyone who isn't successful. For instance, he has several justifications for taking his life but one of them concerns what he deeply feels is a man's duty when faced with something like this. He feels, always did and this comes from his education, that when a man behaves as a mouse, then, his only option is paying with his life. Also, he can't stand disappointing his grand-mother so much, let alone becoming despised by her. Another reason concerns the victim of the fraud who is an aunt of his. He feels (and well, I tend to agree with him here) that if he dies then his father, a very very very wealthy man, will step forward and cover the losses something the man won't do under any other circumstance.
So, all this adds up. I love him like a brother, a very dear brother. We've been together thru a lot and I'd do almost anything to get him out of this schizofrenic crazy world of his. Unfortunately I can't (and he wouldn't accept it) cover the amount he embezzled. And I'm scared. Terribly scared. We had dinner together, took him home, wanted to stay there, wanted him to come and stay with me, nothing worked. He just wants things to keep on going as they always did. Doesn't see any reason to change an inch on anything. Him being so calm is what scares me the most.
Daliolite, thank you, thank you, really, for helping me. Writing it here is a way for me to vent a little and somehow recharge my batteries to keep on coping with the situation. It helps, it really helps knowing that someone reads it. Thank you so much, Daliolite.