Well what I feel is..that you lack emotional security in yourself. You look for others to make you feel more secure with you. Be happy with yourself..self-love..if you don't have that..what joy can you bring to others. aka love. Maybe this should be a time for you to analyze yourself ..your actions...and not others. You cannot control other people...but you can control yourself. Don't blame other people for your bad decisions and mistakes. It takes more strength and maturity to let the forces that be (karma) work it out..than ill wishing. ill wishing is bad energy..what you put out is what returns to you 3 fold. Be careful what you wish for..cause it might just come back on u.