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    qjonesify

    @qjonesify

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    Best posts made by qjonesify

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    Latest posts made by qjonesify

    • RE: Cancer Male - Not Sure What to Think About This

      Hanswolfgang ... I always appreciate your attention to my matters. Thanks so much for your insight & time. What did you mean when you said, "The point is, that you are identified with your mind."

      Thank you for your expressions of Love vs. sex. He has never said that he Loves me, but I've always felt that he does. He has told me in the past that he wants to take his time with me. That he wants "it to be right." And that he's serious about me and cares very deeply for me. I'm so mad that I was afraid of his Love. I'm so furious that I allowed doubt to fill my thoughts, instead of trust. I was so scared that his Love was not genuine or true. I was so afraid that he would take it all away & ultimately hurt me. So, the minute anything would threaten my security (and I mean ANYTHING), I'd bounce. I'd get out of there faster than greased lightening. Cry. Then call him back. I did this more times than I can count. He accepted me back every single time ... until now. I did it to him again at the end of August and a week later ... he returned the favor and shut me down in the worst way. I can't blame him for it though.

      Hans ... let me share with you and ask for your thoughts about two occurrences. Our first date was on Christmas night, 2008. On this night as we were traveling, a stranger (a woman with 2 little girls) flagged us down. It was the middle of the night & very cold outside. He stopped for them mainly because she had the two little girls with her. She asked for a ride because her sister left her and these children without a way home so they were trying to walk, but had many, many miles to go. He let them into the truck with us & as we made them comfortable & drove away, she turned to me, thanked me profusely for stopping for them, then turned to him and said: "You have a very sweet wife mister. She's so sweet and I didn't know she was in the car when you stopped for us. I didn't even see her. She's very sweet." We looked at each other and smiled, he kissed & held my hand, looked at me and said, "Yes ... she is a very sweet wife." Two weeks before we broke up, he asked me if I'd remembered this night. He asked me if I'd remembered our first kiss. I told him, "Of course. I'll never forget it."

      Then, months later, in 2009, a co-worker who didn't know me well at that time (I was new to the department) bumped into me in the ladies room one morning. She stopped me and apologized for being personal, but asked what my marital status was because she'd had a dream that we (the office) were celebrating my wedding. She said, "I don't know what that means to you, if it means anything at all, but I dreamth these things about you." And two hours later, at a meeting, I was introduced to a woman who shared HIS name. I want to know if these occurrences could be significant or mere coincidence or nothing at all. I've never really believed in "signs" that some people speak of seeing or experiencing, but these two occurrences have never left me. And apparently he hasn't forgotten either although I thought he did. Just when I think that he & I won't succeed in a lasting relationship, I remember these two revelations ... and it is there that I find a lot of reason & strength to keep going & stay encouraged.

      posted in Love & Relationships
      Q
      qjonesify
    • RE: Cancer Male - Not Sure What to Think About This

      AquaBubbles ... thank you for your thoughts & assessment. I'm not sure its him calling, just feel it in my gut. I called my mobile service provider to see if they could research the calls for me. They couldn't. They said depending on the way the calls were blocked, the number may show up in my call records even if it appeared on my caller ID as "unknown." I checked my records and the calls didn't show. I've never received and "unknown," "anonymous," or "restricted" calls to my cell before now. I used to get them all the time to my landline and they usually were sales calls during the day, but never on my cell. It's a first. And when I answered one of the calls, the person listened to me saying "hello" for about 13 sec then hung up. I haven't received anymore calls since then. However, I absolutely understand why he let go. I've never faulted him for it. He doesn't want to be hurt anymore than I do and I respect him for protecting himself and making healthy decisions. You're right ... I am so frustrated with myself because I know who I am, what kind of Love I have in my heart, how deeply I Love and while my intuition isn't so well developed ... I have a good idea of what he wants & needs & he deserves it so much and Aquabubbles ... I KNOW I can give it to him. I know I can far exceed his needs & expectations & I know he can more than fulfill mine. He's already given me a glimpse of how he Loves. I'm just so mad that I'm not ready. So scared that I've lost him. So worried that I'll never get to show him who I am. And yes ... he has acknowledged how he feels about me and how he perceives me, but he too is disappointed. That I'm not ready yet. And when he told me on last year that he was disappointed and knew that I wasn't ready, it made me more upset & frustrated because I want so badly to be ready for him. I Love him so much, but can't show him in the right way, with the depth that I know I can achieve and I'm fighting for it, but I don't think he knows or sees it. I don't think he knows how much I Love him and how much I want this relationship with him or the visions of the kind of Love we'd share, the life we'd create as a result . I'm not sure if he knows.

      But I'm getting myself ready. I start a divorce recovery class tonight at my church. I've decided to be patient with myself. I've decided to not give up on him or us. He said he wants us to be friends (even though he hasn't called in 4 weeks and it feels like 4 years), but I will always remain open & receptive of him. I'm more than willing to wait patiently for him to re-emerge. I don't believe our time is up. I believe this separation is temporary. And while I'm in the waiting room, I will heal. I will grow. I will take great care of myself & prepare for whatever is to come.

      posted in Love & Relationships
      Q
      qjonesify
    • RE: Cancer Male - Not Sure What to Think About This

      I believe that there is a deep rooted fear in my heart, but not a resounding "no to everything." I do believe that. And there are reasons that fear exists and a reason my heart is so guarded. I won't be 'beat up' for the negative experiences I've endured, but I would like consideration. I would like understanding. Call me crazy, but I kind of expect those things from people who say they "care deeply" for me.

      With him (and other friends and family), I feel this need to apologize for being afraid to enter into a relationship. I feel this need to apologize for being hurt and abused in the past. I don't like feeling like that. It seems that everyone around me believes that I should have come through a divorce "error free" with no scars or bruising and be as beautiful as a butterfly. I'm not a butterfly. I'm hurt. I'm in a lot of pain. But here "he" is. Why is he here now ... when I'm clearly not ready??? WHY was he allowed to show up in my life as great as he is, and I can't have him??? What's the point?? It's like having a carrot dangled before your hungry soul, but you can neither reach nor taste it. But you can see it. You believe it's for you, but when you reach for it ... you're denied it's satisfying pleasure. Why am I to blame because I'm not ready? Why does he get so angry with me because I haven't mastered the art of "getting over it" in regards to my life's experiences. I pray to God everyday that I can get better and heal some hurt and memories as soon as I can so that I can stop losing. And it's fresh new pain on top of old pain when he (who says he cares so deeply for me) and family and friends don't understand me. While I make every effort to "fix" what's broken in my spirit, I wish I didn't fall in love.

      Hans ... I wanted him to want me so bad. I wanted him to like me. I wanted him to see how great I am. I wanted him to love me. At one moment, I thought he did. Now, I don't think he does at all and that hurts. To not have his attention is painful. But what's worse is that I have to walk away feeling as if its my fault. At this point, I just wish I could stop thinking about him. I wish I didn't give a damn. I wish the breakup was a vicious one; I could get over that with ease. I wish he were an asshole. I wish he were stupid. I could forget him so much easier, so much faster. I know that I'm a great lady with a good heart who deserves so much in Love, but ... it never seems to come together for me.

      And I apologize for rambling and talking endlessly about this. I'm just trying to get an understanding so that I can come to a swift resolution so that I can move on with my life. Time waits for no one and I don't want to miss again. But it's hard to keep moving when there are so many lingering questions and "what if's." Thanks for reading and responding to my posts.

      posted in Love & Relationships
      Q
      qjonesify
    • RE: Cancer Male - Not Sure What to Think About This

      Hanswolfgang:

      Thank you for your thoughts.

      I want so much to call him and I will. It's just that right now, I'm not feeling confident enough to call because I don't want to meet his rejection either. I'm scared he won't answer when I call or worse ... he may never respond to me. He does confuse me and when I'm so unsure ... I do nothing. I do nothing because I don't want to make a wrong move and make things worse.

      You are so right ... I've made the same mistakes over and over and over again with him to the point that he's tired of it. However, I'm reluctant to call them foolish or stupid because I made these decisions out of fear. Fear that he would ultimately hurt me. Fear that he does not truly love me or care. Fear that his love is deceptive and that I'm being made a fool out of by thinking he's serious about me ... or about us. So, when he would do things to threaten my security, I would leave. That has been my biggest hang-up with him. Not trusting that he cares about me and that he's seriously invested in this relationship. Finally, he became tired and let me go. But I don't want to leave him and I don't want him to leave me. I want us to talk, be honest, and really try because there is a connection between us that is undeniable, but we can't get on the same page and it hurts so much. I know he feels it. I love him, but I'm so afraid that we won't make it that I always end up throwing in the towel before I give us a chance. Hans ... I just can't be hurt anymore. And I'm not sure if I can handle his pain. I don't think I've ever loved a man the way I love him. And to be honest, I don't know why I love him so much. We've barely had an opportunity to explore our feelings and yet ... this is so profoundly serious for me. This relationship has compelled me to reexamine who I am spirituall, emotionally. This relationship has tested my strengths and weaknesses. I've never been so challenged in a relationship ever. Somehow ... I know that this man is significant. I don't know in what capacity, but he's significant. I'm trying to learn and grow and get what I'm supposed to get from this experience. I have to be honest and say that as I do all this self-examination and development, I don't want to lose him. I want him to stay. I love the way he feels. I want to reciprocate those feelings to him and I know I can, just need to find my way around the fear, doubt, and mistrust so that I can give him what he needs, wants, and deserves.

      We may see each other this weekend. A mutual friend and classmate recently passed from breast cancer. Her funeral is Saturday. I know for sure I'll be there; he might be. I'm hoping for a new opportunity with him.

      posted in Love & Relationships
      Q
      qjonesify
    • RE: Cancer Male - Not Sure What to Think About This

      Hanswolfgang ... should I call him? Maybe that's his way of trying to come back, but not knowing how?? Perhaps afraid of my rejection? I don't understand him. Like at all. One minute he wants this, the next he doesn't. He's breaking things off, but I'm the one consoling him???? He wants to be friends, but doesn't call. I go away and leave him to himself and he calls me blocked ... to breathe on my phone. WTH????

      He's weird, but not a scary kinda weird. If I were afraid, I'd definitely know how to handle such a stalker. I would like to talk to him, but I too am afraid that he won't pick up or return my call. That's what makes me think he didn't truly want to break up and is not over me. Otherwise ... what's the damn problem?

      posted in Love & Relationships
      Q
      qjonesify
    • Cancer Male - Not Sure What to Think About This

      He broke up with me a month ago. I went after him ... briefly, but changed my mind and gave him what he wanted. I accepted the breakup and told him that he's right, it's over. He wanted to be friends. I told him that would be fine. I tried to call him a week later, got no response. I left a voice message just to let him know that I was thinking of him and to call when he felt like it. No response. Two weeks ago, I started getting "Unknown" phone calls to my mobile phone. The first one I ignored thinking it was a bill collector or sales call perhaps. The next few calls came through very late at night and one call I sent to my voicemail. My voicemail picks up the background noise from the call and it was clear that it wasn't a sales or business call. Finally, I recieved a call this past Saturday morning and decided to answer. The call disconnected after a few "hello's." I think it's "him." My ex-Cancer, but why would he call me blocked??? Are cancer men THAT shy or nervous or ..... weird??

      posted in Love & Relationships
      Q
      qjonesify
    • RE: Gemini with a Moon in Cancer ... OMG!!!

      Thanks for your reply gypsydreams. I just don't believe it's what he wanted. It's not what I wanted either, but considering the way things were going ... he had no other option, but to move forward. I don't blame him. Just wished things would have been different for us. The connection was strong and it's hard to walk away from these types of connections because they don't come very often and when it's there ... you know it's special and meaningful. I suppose our timing was bad. I shouldn't have gotten so involved with him right after my divorce. That was my mistake. Couldn't help my feelings though. We were very strong together emotional in spite of all the things we were up against. The distance. Our divorces. Communication issues on his part. Trust issues on mine. Through all of it ... we both seemed to really want it because we endured all that for over a year and a half. We both wanted it, just couldn't get on the same page and get it. It's just so disappointing.

      My hope is that he'll return. My hope is that he won't forget about us and not forget about what we had and want to try again later.

      posted in Love & Relationships
      Q
      qjonesify
    • Gemini with a Moon in Cancer ... OMG!!!

      I need help. Here's the deal:

      In a "friendship" with a male Gemini with a moon in Cancer. He's VERY Cancer though. Sensitive, elusive, protective, caring, but not very direct at all. He has the "sideways" thing about himself very, very strong and it has caused lots of complications in our relationship.

      Me ... I'm a Scorpio female with a moon in Libra. Very strong on the scorpio. With him I'm passionate, reserved, deep emotionally (but I don't think he sees it), very direct, and a little possessive ... just a little ... I promise.

      He broke up with me 3 weeks ago. His reasons: 1. He's moving on with another friend and is now in a relationship with her, 2. He's tired of me being in and out of the relationship (I'll explain more later), 3. He feels a deeper bond with this other friend & says she's "been there for him."

      Here's the situation. We know each other from high school, haven't seen each other since, but ran into each other on an alumni site back in November, 2008. He pursued me and pursued HARD. I allowed him to. I enjoyed his attention and he enjoyed mine. We were both enduring divorces at the time and began to see each other romantically. He lives in another city, but not far from mine. Maybe 4 hours away. Our attraction and connection was equally deep and passionately strong. It was undeniable and we both loved it. But sometime around the middle of 2009 I started having trust issues. I would break things off with him abruptly for the most ridiculous reason. Looking back in hindsight, they were silly reasons, but at the moment of me deciding to end things ... it would make perfect sense to me. He said I had trust issues and that they were probably stemming from the divorce and the infidelity from my ex-husband. I agreed. He was patient. I was trying to work on my issued, but it kept happening. I would get scared and let him go because being the Gemini that he is ... I would witness his flirtatious banter on another social network and it would infuriate me (being the scorpio that I am) and I would end it. As in "It's OVER!!" Only to come running back to him within a day wanting to apologize and get back together. He would always explain himself and let me know that his flirting was nothing and that I was safe and he cared deeply for me and to just relax. I couldn't. He became increasingly annoyed and tired by my incessant need to fly the coop at the first sign of distress. I kept doubting that the relationship would survive and didn't want to go through with anything with him because I was already feeling so strongly for him. When things didn't seem to be going my way, it would scare the heeby-jeebies out of me and I'd leave. He told me that it hurt him each and every time I did that. I understood and didnt' want to hurt him, but I couldn't stand the thought of him hurting me either especially right after my divorce. I couldn't take it. Finally, a month ago, I did it again for like the umpteenth time. I saw a suspicious message from a friend of his, I became upset and scared and I called and told him I couldn't do this anymore. He was so angry and said "I'm cool with it because I'm sick of your sh**!!" I understood his frustration. And in my true fashion, I called him back trying to explain my feelings and he tried to accommodate them and communicate how he cares for me. So, I thought we'd were okay and had patched things up. I didn't call him for a week because I felt like I'd done too much to him and I wanted to give him space. WRONG MOVE. He called me at the end of the week on a Saturday morning and broke things off with me and I'm scared he's gone for good. That's when he gave me his reasons for leaving. I was devastated to say the least, but I didn't let him see it. TRUE SCORPIO OVER HERE. I was cool, calm, collected, mature and even a little professional about it.

      However, during his break up, I noticed he lingered on the phone. Wouldn't get off. I kept asking him had he said everything he needed to say and he said yes, but sat on the phone. So, I decided to ask a few more questions because of course I didn't want things to end so I kept talking. Finally, we both got quiet and I asked again had he said everything and again he says yes, but sits on the phone. I tell him that he's answered all my questions and thought that I was giving him an out so that he could conclude his break up phone call so that I can begin my crying session. Still ... he didn't. Finally ... he just said, "Okay then ... goodbye."

      Four hours later after crying, I called him back (in my true fashion) and told him that I wasn't giving up and if he had an ounce of desire for me that I didn't want him to give up and I said, "I know I sound crazy right now, but I don't care ..." He interrupted my plea and said, "No ... I don't think you sound crazy at all ... I'm listening ..." So I tried to muster up all the emotional strength I had to convey to him that I loved him and didn't want him to move on and that we needed to see each other and speak face-to-face. He said it wasn't possible that night, but that he "needed to think." And asked if he could call me back. I said okay. I calmed down. He didn't call for the rest of the week.

      Finally, after 5 days of thinking ... I decided to accept his termination. I called and told him that it's over and that he's right ... he has too much going on in his life (still fighting with his ex wife; she had him put in jail the week before & fighting with his daughter's mom over child support) and I told him to take care of himself and it was over. I had to leave it on his vm because it was 6am and he wasn't up yet, but I just needed to go ahead and say what I needed to say. He never responded that day. I called again the next day to extend my friendship because when he broke up with me he said he wanted us to be friends, so I called to make sure he knew that it was okay for us to be friends, but that the romantic aspect of our relationship was over. I didnt' hear from him the entire weekend.

      He called that following Monday completely upset and said the weirdest thing. He very emotionally said, "YOU SAID IT WAS OVER!! YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS!! YOU SAID YOU WERE OVER ME!! (which I did say that. he pissed me off and my scorpio couldn't let him get away without a sting on his way out the door). I calmed him down and told him, "Yes, it is over, but I never said we couldn't be friends. You know I would never say that. We said we'd always be friends if nothing else." Finally, we end the conversation and I haven't heard from him since. I tried to call him 2 weeks ago and left a vm to just say hello and he hasn't returned my call.

      One more note ... he's a private person, but just after he broke up with me, he updated his relationship status on the social network to say that he was in a relationship and right after his post about 5 of his female friends all chimed in with "lol's" and one said something peculiar. She said, "Dang team!! LOL" As if this was some inside joke or just something weird. My thoughts at this point is ... he didn't want to end our relationship, but did because his feelings were hurt because I ended things with him the week prior to. I also think that he was trying to get some kind of reaction from me, but I'm not sure. His break up just seemed weird to me. One minute I think this man is in love with me and the next ... I feel like he wants to really hurt me. I guess I just want other people's thoughts on this situation. I'd be glad to explain more if anyone has any specific questions.

      I guess my natural question is, Is he really done with this? Is he really gone?

      posted in Love & Relationships
      Q
      qjonesify