Thank you both : )
"Do you know if he likes you romantically? This could be the problem too...you know us water signs, there's a 10000 layers to us, you never know what's going on under our shell"
You know, I really couldn't tell you if he does or not, I HIGHLY doubt it based on the way he treats me... I am in a stable relationship with another cancer (yet he is emotionally balanced with an aquarius moon and both venus AND ascendant in analytical virgo) so my boyfriend cannot relate whatsoever to my crabby buddy's behavior, my long term crab boyfriend (of 5 years) is extremely black-and-white and does not play these guessing games. Crabby buddy is fully aware of my relationship and has never lead on if he is romantically interested... this is my piscean kryptonite, if you will, since I have a hard time telling when someone is interested in me. All other intentions yes, but romantic ones, completely disabled...
We have known each other for about 1 year. He has done this disappearing act on me before, and the first time he did it I immediately called him out on it. He apologized, acted like he didn't know what I was talking about, and tried to ignore it. So we agreed that the next time he wants to retreat that he would at least warn me... that didn't hold any weight because he did it just a few weeks after that. Again, I called him out on it and he acted all surprised and tried to ignore what I was saying, then asked me to give him an explanation of why I feel the way I do...so I poured out my heart to him, explaining that at the slighest hint of withdrawal that I can feel it and I just want to make sure that he is ok when he is in this phase since he is prone to self-hatred. After all, I do not feel threatened by him whatsoever. After "baring my soul", he had zero response. We just went along our merry way and I went along with him, ignoring what just happened.
Because he displays this peculiar behavior (and he has a soft, gentle heart he does not want to hurt me) I often feel like he is fake, trying to placate me to make me feel better. I feel as if I don't have him full-heartedly the way I did in the beginning. So I have a problem with that. I feel like he is not being completely honest with me. I told him long ago that if he had issues with me to just tell me, he won't hurt my feelings, just lay it on me... because when I see him in person, he is completely different. Mind you, his presence instantly relaxes me, puts me at ease, but since I feel everything he feels, I can feel immediately that I make him EXTREMELY uncomfortable when he is in my presence. He avoids me (physically) like the plague. I also called him out on this too and he gave me some crappy excuse about how he thought I was really pretty or whatever and he gets "shy"... I am not buying it one bit. He works with decent looking women and he has no problems with them. You see what I mean? Why should this matter if we are as good of friends as he says we are? His excuses do not match up to his actions. I also called him on this too. He actions are so different from his words. His words are very sweet and caring but they do not match his actions when I see him in person. In person his hands literally fly all over the place and I feel like I make him feel like a caged animal fearful for his life... I don't know about you but I actually like to spend time (physical) time with my friends I have never met someone who doesn't??? Yet he continues to tell me I appreciate our friendship, blah, blah, blah... he loses credibility with me by the way he acts.
Now I haven't talked to him since our last encounter where he wanted to run for his life (when we were in person) then proceeded to send me messages that very same day I left asking me to get in touch with him and hopes I made it home safe after I left the building...making excuses to get in contact with me so I got so frustrated with him that I said something 1/2 way snappy so he snapped back very strongly... he has done that before though and always wants me to come back... I am just getting really tired of this fakeness...
Bottom line: Because I cannot outrightly talk to him and ask him "hey, do you want to be friends or not, I just need to know because your actions do not match your words" I need to know if I need to do the work for him and just leave the scene. His actions all add up to "leave me alone" and his words say "please never leave me I need you" (literally, he has said that to me)
Your help is deeply, deeply appreciated