They say going through mourning is an individual experience, but I guess it's the case for any life experience. I can only tell you about how I am dealing with it and it's up to you to see if that can inspire you in some way. My son died at age 13 last year. He ran away, was angry and wanted to escape. He climbed up an electric tower and did not jump, fell most probably, but in the end he's not physically there with us anymore. Well, I immediately had this idea "death is an initiation"; it's one of the most powerful, intense things you can experience. It is banal and extraordinary at the same time. Banal because children die every day and because we will all die one day as well. Extraordinary because it's like the "ultimate" life possibility or experiment, the last one you can perform, and we can't tell in most cases when that will take place. I knew I was facing 3 options: to collapse, to resist or to elevate myself. To resist seemed a waste of time and energy. Why stand against roaming waters? Grief is our ennemy. I have shed some tears of course, but was never into despair during those last 14 months. I still get emotional about it, at least once a day. There is a difference between expressing emotions and letting them overpower you. First of all death is the end of the body, it's disincarnation, not the end of all. Our beloved sons have changed status, and they did it early, not what we expected. I can understand that it's much more difficult for you because he was your only child. I have a 12 y-o daughter who is a little sunshine and to be honest I don't know how I would have come to grips with this loss without her. We live together; I'm divorced. I don't believe so much in having to go through a lot of pain in order to get rid of it. The pain is there anyhow so I think we have to practice being happy instead of allowing sadness to grow and multiply. You can try and list negative words such as death, loss, grief, pain, tears, etc., in one column. In a second column next to it, write down their positive counterpart. Every time negative feelings or thoughts come over you, welcome them and look at them as separate entities from you but don't let them settle down inside you. Acknowledge their presence and take them one by one, transform them into their positive alternative, silently in your mind first, then in a whisper, then in a soft voice. It's all in the mind and your mind can do it. The way you take care of your thoughts has immediate and longer term impact on your emotions and your well-being, on your outside world, your relationships, the quality level of your life. Even if that kind of exercise sounds silly because "unnatural", it's worth trying. Wouldn't you rather be happy, in spite of this loss? Are you ready and willing to feel happiness and peace inside, even feel the thrill of life? Or would you rather be suffering? I know it may sound shocking to present things that way. We have the "right" to feel sad but it's not an obligation. It is not man's purpose on earth to be unhappy. Someone wrote to me after the event: "you thought you had given birth to him, but he's really giving birth to you, forcing you into a life you had not desired. You are a sign of him, the sign that was left for all of us to see".
Although I think of him everyday, I avoid thinking of the past. Connecting to the past does not help our present or our future. Only what you think and do today is shaping your tomorrow. And some believe that the more we grieve the more difficult it is for the souls up there. Let us send them thoughts of love and light. I also avoid visiting the cemetery. Because I can strongly feel it is only connecting me to energies of death and decay. May your life be full of Life! You can find other ways of ritualising; it's personal, you can be creative in this.
If you wish, I can ask for Divine energies of "Universal Happiness" to be sent to you; that's what they're called. I have no power whatsoever but it was transmitted to me by someone who has that kind of power -amazing uh!- and I am allowed to transmit it as well. It's of course absolutely free. All you have to do is receive. I feel that I was so blessed and protected in terms of inner peace, at the time my son left this earth, that I want to help other people too. It was only 9 months after it happened, that I met this person who provided me with this extra blessing of Divine energies, and I can see the difference inside and outside. So can the people around me.
I wish you the very best.