Thanks, this is a great topic to keep in the front of my thoughts these days especially.

YES! thank you for slogging this out with me. That is exactly what I am doing...It was a lust filled fantasy in the flesh, and I thought we could take that higher....Because that is what I want a fantasy lover and then the real man in my life as well. He wanted to back off the real life part and hold the door open for the fantasy part. And you are right this is why it has been so hard to let go of because it is really my hope that I can have both with a man (and was wanting it to be him, to at least give it a chance) This I hope makes it easier to purge him than rather the whole idea of being able to one day have that with someone. thank you so much...

lol transformed...I cant begin to tell you how many times I have said....just tell me! the truth can NEVER be as bad as what I fill in the blanks with. I am in the process of letting go totally of a highly tight lipped Taurus man it has been very arduous in light of his non-communication so I am winding up closing a door that I may not have If only he had used his words. Lina, is this woman you that we are talking about?

oh Captain...Im so afraid of never feeling the way he made me feel again...and I dont understand how it could just stop for him. I know Im holding on to nothing but hurt now and it is self depreciating to still harbor hope he will return but that is with my head. My body still qucikens and I am breathless when I think of him.

There really are so many things I should be doing but he continues to invade my thoughts

as a scorpio...woman I can tell you NOTHING could be worse than being ignored. So if it is your intent to hurt then continue your silence. A response of oh say...I choose not to engage in this discussion with you at this time would work quite nicely. There, I would have had an answer..I may not like or agree with but I would be able to let it rest. The no reply makes us wonder wonder wonder and get twisted up.

Well today is his birthday and I cannot stop thinking and wishing about him! I feel crazy or something, that I can feel so much about him and he tells me one thing then does another all together...I am mystified. Also very sad. How does one release a burning need that has never been met? I am willing to be the fool, but cannot accept being made a fool, if that makes sense. Oh I am hurting.

Daliolite, thank you soooo much for holding my hand. I have received a new hope from two of my favorite customers at my place of work...they are an older couple who do not live together but are companions. The gentleman will be having an apartment opening up perhaps by August on the ground floor of his house that is by the water and ultra convenient to public transportation, for what is a VERY reasonable price. The lady who I have come to love has become excited by the prospect and is encouraging him to make it ready sooner and let me rent it. I am almost afraid to hope as this would really be a chance for me to heal and take baby steps on my own. These people feel very safe to me. funny is that the place is not too far from the marina where boatmans boat is. I am becoming quite leary of boatman though and think I will not be asking him for much. Alas while all of this is going on I cannot stop thinking about the taurus guy who's birthday is today. He has definately been manipulating me and the way the situation with him is going is magnifying my fears about hoping for anthing to work out well in my right now rather crappy life! {Sigh}

Hi again!

Romantic con-men...I love that expression, just wish it wasnt so apt! I got some bad news yesterday that I will not be allowed by my probationer to leave my county until appx March!!!! I simply dont know what to do or where to go now. I think the offer from my friend in Seattle will stand until whenever I can make it out there...but for now I have run out of options and may be homeless for a bit. YIKES

Mistie-Devine...that is hilarious about your husband in the supermarket! I love that you have an active link with him that is soooo precious. I also want to thank you for the mention about the energy we send out or call to us with our thoughts and attitudes. I need reminding that a positive attitude will go a long way in helping this situation work best for all involved. Peace!

Daliolite! yess lots of loss here. My mother who I lived with as caretaker also financially supported me untill her passing. We are selling her home and after the debts are settled I may walk away with a very small inheritance that is desperately needed in starting over somewhere. I do currently live by water and feel that I always will need to. The friend I can stay with out in Seattle is not married but he does have a girlfriend (whom I have not met yet) I dont know if they could help me career wise, but she works for an organisation I would love an opportunity with but I dont have qualifications.

Here at home I am facing exactly that what you see is what you get...I had begun a relationship with a taurus who I fell very hard for...he on the other hand seems only to be interested in a physical relationship on his terms when he wants it. I am having some trouble with that. (well alot of trouble with that!)

There is also a older man who has offered to help me out in many ways but I hesitate to accept because even though he says there would be no strings attached, I do not think that is the truth...but he has a boat that he has said I could stay on for the summer if I needed to! I have been working only part time and I am trying to get my license back and a car...but was thinking if I go out west I should just take care of all of that out there...oh a big obstacle may be probation...I will need to get permission to move away from NY right now, but my sentance should be over soon....I hope these details help clear up some things....and that they dont make it harder to see what may be...