Please be kind to yourself! When someone shows you who they are believe them. This man has showed you and you were disgusted. Do not let neediness talk you out of that. You deserve love. There is a great wound you have yet to heal and it still attracts that pain over and over again--that is the compulsion you feel to connect with him--you are gathering pain--reliving the pain. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. Stop this cycle of guilt and bashing yourself. You did nothing wrong. You trusted him--his intentions are not worthy of that trust. Forgive yourself and move on. We all get taken now and then. If we didn't it would mean we closed our hearts and that is a worse prediciment to be in. Cry your tears--be angry--then move on---do not give this man another chance to hurt you--he will and it will be with your permission. Let him go because you deserve better---it changes your energy when you walk away from pain you do not deserve. Erase him from your thoughts. And most of all keep your thoughts about yourself kind forgiving and loving as you attract that love from a man that you hold for yourself. BLESSINGS!