sorry hit the enter key by accident...I bought a co-op and gave him the option of staying in his parents house or moving forward with his new family. He opted to leave with us. But, what I didn't know then was that he didn't opt to stop his infidelity behavior. Although I had suspisions, I could not confirm any wrong doings. Therefore, I did not consume myself with worry and continued to march forward. In leaving our old location, I must mentioned that it was his parents house and as a wedding gift his father had extended the house to accomodate us. He literally built a one bedroom duplex for us. I believe if it weren't for his generousity we would have been homeless. Anyway, while we lived in the house a paralel life was taking place along side us. His sister had hidden her pregnancy while I was flaunting mine. Once her news was discovered, my father in law accomodated her in another part of the house. We became neighbors. She never married the father of her two children but, began living with him. And, this is where my heart break begins....After living side by side we became a whole family. I named her first child, she built my first child's crib. We literally raised our children as one mother. I took her children everywhere with me. Made them birthday cakes, took them to school, feed them, etc. and vice versa. So, when news about us leaving was discussed you could image the many mixed emotions that circulated around the house. One night I had a dream about the father of her children. I remember sitting in a car and ever so inncently giving him a kiss. After living along side them for 15 years, this dream both excited and nerved me. I didn't know what to make of it and decided to leave well enough alone. Off to my new beginnings with my husband and two children!!!
After a few months in our new place I became so comfortable that late one night I was on line and saw my sister in laws boyfriend online. I was curious about who he was chatting with so I sent him an IM. WoW!! if I could retain that nights conversation...I don't know what I would do. From the time I met him I had a connection with him but, my thoughts were only plutonic. I thought maybe because of our similar backgrounds he was more of a brother than anything else. But after asking him this percise question "how do you feel when we are in the same room together?" My intentions in asking this question was still plutonic until his response. It was as though the flood gates were open and their was no stopping him. He confessed to harboring feelings for me since the first time he saw me which was when I was only sixteen years old. ( the time when this conversation took place I was 31 years old.) I want to mention also that he is a capicorn, birthday 1/6/71. Needless to say, he was resilent, relentless, and determined to pursue me. All boundaries were off. He could no longer control himself around me and wanted to begin a relationship. At first I was totally thrown off guard!!! I did not know how to close pandora's box. Eight years later.... my heart is heavier than life itself. How do I return not to my old self but to a new and improve self?