Cancer men advance and retreat, then change directions and do it again. They approach indirectly and with caution and are very intuitive and protective of their emotions. I don’t know about the women, but have seen this in the men. You dated briefly a while back and it didn’t work out and then you moved on. I would think he would have seen this as a failure or rejection, so even if he might want, he won’t jump in again head first. You agreed to be friends and as he said, don’t overthink it. Cancer is a cardinal sign and if he wants to pursue something, he will lead but it might not be in a straight line and it might not be where you want to go. It can be emotionally exhausting, but it is what it is.

Wow, weird and confusing behaviour.

Thank you ladies for your positive thoughts and energy.

Some of those friendships I had since I was a teenager. People change throughout the years and when we get hurt, we either choose to forgive or we choose to keep that hurt within our being. My best friend at the time won’t forgive, not only her ex but anyone and everyone, and that build up of negative energy made her into a bitter, judgemental and unhappy person. I didn’t realize how much her energy affected me until that friendship ended and I felt that dark cloud lift from my psyche. I wish her well and hope that she seeks the help that she needs, which I have been urging her to do throughout the years.

I was with my cancer for 4 years about 10 years ago. Prior to that we went thru the struggles that you read in some of the cancer man pages in this forum. When our relationship ended we stayed in contact and that same friend (she does have psychic abilities) told me that he would never let me go. He never has and we got back together last year with different attitudes and expectations. I have no illusions that we will be together for the rest of our lives, but I know we will always be in each other’s life.

@ToriDori. If your cancer is anything like mine, he won’t admit in words that he did any wrong, but he will acknowledge it with his actions and make it up to you. Right or wrong, if he feels like he is being criticized, he will defend himself. And I agree, its selfish and it’s not a mature way of dealing with things.

@ScorpVirgo, yay! This is all positive news! You now both know the relationship status of each other and he’s taking an interest in your life. This you did, while at the same time protecting yourself and hopefully another layer will be peeled off like an onion and your relationship will develop further. Sometimes it’s better to discover more about someone before we jump into a relationship when emotions become more heightened.

Bravo to both of you for taking care of yourselves and your own needs!

@Jame93
Aqua lady. I’m curious about your placements. I’m curious because you said you’re a typical Aquarian, but Aquarian’s are famous or infamous for their ability to detach. In the end, he decided to move to another country. Maybe his behaviour changed because a relationship wasn’t in his plans or maybe the relationship was in the other country. You may never find out, but why waste your energy on someone that isn’t here for you today?

@Tombroody
How does she fulfill your ideal of the “love of your life” ?
Is the consistent cheating part of your ideal? Has she sincerely asked for your forgiveness or are you just saying that you forgive to stay in her life ?
Please, ask yourself if this is how you deserve to be treated or if this is how you want to be treated. She will not change, because she has no reason to change. And you have told her (and yourself) that she is the love of your life, as she is. So again, is this your idea of love?

I remember when we were much younger, I asked a friend of mine why she stayed with her first boyfriend even though she knew he as cheating on her. Her response was “because I’m not ready to let go yet”. Do not hold on to something that will damage your trust and self esteem, because the longer you hold on, the more damage it will cause. You have the power to change only yourself and the power to decide what type of behaviour is acceptable to you.

@ScorpioEliza
I said “Oh no” because even after I mentioned that if you go back, that the situation won’t change, that it will still be casual and you said that you wouldn’t go back because it would ruin your credibility. Oh no, you re-engaged, is what I meant.

Cancer is a cardinal water sign in astrology. Water signs are emotional; cardinal are instigators. They will use emotion forcefully to either push things forward or to manipulate. They don’t like rejection and are easily offended. Cancers can be mean and nasty when angry or hurt. It doesn’t matter whether they love you or not, they’ll take a bite out of you and it will hurt. They won’t apologize for it either, at least not directly. I’ve been on the receiving end of this. Sorry Cancers, this has been my experience and observations.

A man that does everything to remain emotionally uninvolved in a relationship won’t tell you that he misses you and that he wants you back. Dash that romantic notion. You need to keep asking yourself if his unavailability is what you want. Is this weird behaviour what you want? Are you hoping he returns even though he will continue to treat you this way? It’s not for him to decide this for you.

I’m assuming you are a Scorpio Sun; you are also a water sign, but with a fixed quality. You use your emotions to control and strengthen, to make things permanent and final. I understand you (I’m a Scorpio rising) and what you are going through but you need to look for the answer within yourself. Someone else’s advice on what to do is based on their circumstances and can cause you more regret, even if the advice is good for them. Whatever path you choose is what helps you to grow. You are a Scorpio, the natural ruler of the 8th house. The house of personal growth and transformation. I’m here if you want to talk things out.

Your sun signs are are only a small indicator. The whole natal chart needs to be looked at as a whole to understand more.

@ScorpioEliza
Regarding your previous relationship, if you were with him for 4 years and living together, essentially you were a married couple. That is the type of relationship you are familiar with and even if you want something less conventional then at least let it be healthy. Maybe it is best to take some time to yourself to heal and take care of yourself. You won’t be alone forever, but with this man you are already alone.

@ScorpioEliza
Sorry, I thought he said something more when he was angry, you said there was more “drama”. After repeating all that he has told you before and after the crying incident, what is it that you are holding on to? You told him not to contact you, but then you contact him. He said he feels you want something. You want him to change his mind, to say that he cares, to say that he misses you, that he wants you back, that he wants to make a commitment to you. You want everything that is your right to want, but it is the opposite of what he is willing to give to you, to give to anyone. Is it possible that this is what his anger and frustration is about? That you are pushing for something he can’t or won’t give you ?

He could have feelings for you, but he doesn’t want it and he knows that this is hurting you. He won’t change his mind because this is who he is at this stage in his life and it has nothing to do with you.

I’m curious to see his natal chart, but you probably don’t want to post those details.

@ScorpioEliza
You’re right, he’s emotionally unavailable. It also explains why he had no problem starting up with you while you were in a relationship with someone else. He’s not thinking relationship. He doesn’t allow himself to bond and becomes distant if he starts to. It’s something more than just being unhappy with his job. It goes deeper than that.
If he does come back and I think he will, it will still be casual.

@ScorpioEliza
It’s easy enough for him to keep the door open. He’s not the one that is feeling hurt and he’s not the one making compromises. He might feel something for you that he is holding back, but he is thinking only about himself right now.
What @Jubisay35 said is so true.
“As a cancer I can tell you, it’s hard to let go of the past but not the person.” I think it takes a lot for them to let go of the person. They would have to do something unforgivable.

You mentioned that this scenario has happened before a few times(?), so I agree I don’t think it’s final. The pattern exists and will repeat itself until it’s broken.

I don’t think there’s a private message option. It’s more accurate to look at a chart with the birth time, but I haven’t analyzed a chart in a long time, so it’s just as well. I’m still curious though. I don’t believe it’s about him being insecure, or about not being able to work in his field, or about your success in your business. It’s something else.

@ScorpioEliza
There are 3 important planetary points that define a person in everyday life; the sun, moon and the ascendant. Since we don’t know his birth time we don't know his moon and ascendant. His moon could either be Aries or Pisces, they are very different moons. Without these placements, his natal and your synastry or composite charts would be incomplete and inaccurate.

Im rusty, but quick look. You both have a Stellium.
His sun, Venus and mercury are in Cancer, but we don’t know what house these are in. This can be very vulnerable for a man because of the increased sensitivity of all those planets in Cancer. It would be hard for him with all this emotional energy. He would have to trust completely before allowing himself to open up.
Your sun, Venus, mercury, Pluto and AC are in Scorpio in the 12th house. In Scorpio, you are controlled and deliberate in your decisions, mysterious but hidden in the 12th. 12th house has always been hard for me to understand and describe.
Your suns are trine, but the aspect is wide. Neither of your suns are aspected by the other’s planets. This is important in a relationship as neither of you are seeing or acknowledging the others’ core essence as individuals.
Your moon is in cancer, but is not aspected by any of his planets. Are you sure you’re in love with him and not just infatuated? We’re not sure where his moon is and we don’t know what his ascendant is.
You have mutual Venus/mercury trines. You do enjoy each other’s company and have a mutual interest in the arts, music, culture.
His venus/mercury trines your AC. There is a mutual attraction here.
His Mars in Leo squares your Scorpio Venus. Double whammy. Mutual sexual attraction.

Btw, your 28.32 deg sun is conjunct my 28.1 deg AC in Scorpio, only 31 minutes apart. No wonder I understand and can relate to you so well.

Sorry, have been crazy busy. Hope you are well.

@ScorpioEliza
It’s easy enough for him to keep the door open. He’s not the one that is feeling hurt and he’s not the one making compromises. He might feel something for you that he is holding back, but he is thinking only about himself right now.
What @Jubisay35 said is so true.
“As a cancer I can tell you, it’s hard to let go of the past but not the person.” I think it takes a lot for them to let go of the person. They would have to do something unforgivable.

You mentioned that this scenario has happened before a few times(?), so I agree I don’t think it’s final. The pattern exists and will repeat itself until it’s broken.

I don’t think there’s a private message option. It’s more accurate to look at a chart with the birth time, but I haven’t analyzed a chart in a long time, so it’s just as well. I’m still curious though. I don’t believe it’s about him being insecure, or about not being able to work in his field, or about your success in your business. It’s something else.

@ScorpioEliza
Sorry, I thought he said something more when he was angry, you said there was more “drama”. After repeating all that he has told you before and after the crying incident, what is it that you are holding on to? You told him not to contact you, but then you contact him. He said he feels you want something. You want him to change his mind, to say that he cares, to say that he misses you, that he wants you back, that he wants to make a commitment to you. You want everything that is your right to want, but it is the opposite of what he is willing to give to you, to give to anyone. Is it possible that this is what his anger and frustration is about? That you are pushing for something he can’t or won’t give you ?

He could have feelings for you, but he doesn’t want it and he knows that this is hurting you. He won’t change his mind because this is who he is at this stage in his life and it has nothing to do with you.

I’m curious to see his natal chart, but you probably don’t want to post those details.

@ScorpioEliza
It’s uncanny how alike we think. I studied astrology for a few years because I felt like I needed to understand my Cancer. That was many years ago though.

Well, here are some thoughts. If he was truly unwilling to forgive you, he would not respond to your texts, period. You would be written out of his life. Look at it from this perspective. If someone said to you, don’t get in touch with me again, I’m cutting you out of my life, would you be upset? I think I would be. Multiply that emotion by at least 2 times. He’s letting you know he is upset and he could also be trying to figure out your motive since you told him not to contact you, but then you text him. Why is she reaching out to me ? What is she expecting from me? However, if you want back in his life, it will be on his terms again.

So what if he’s angry or upset? He shouldn’t be able to get a free pass when he treats someone badly. You are a human being and deserve to be treated with respect.

If I may ask, what were his words during the drama ?

You mentioned putting him up on a pedestal. Have you?

@ScorpioEliza
Regarding your previous relationship, if you were with him for 4 years and living together, essentially you were a married couple. That is the type of relationship you are familiar with and even if you want something less conventional then at least let it be healthy. Maybe it is best to take some time to yourself to heal and take care of yourself. You won’t be alone forever, but with this man you are already alone.

@ScorpioEliza
I said “Oh no” because even after I mentioned that if you go back, that the situation won’t change, that it will still be casual and you said that you wouldn’t go back because it would ruin your credibility. Oh no, you re-engaged, is what I meant.

Cancer is a cardinal water sign in astrology. Water signs are emotional; cardinal are instigators. They will use emotion forcefully to either push things forward or to manipulate. They don’t like rejection and are easily offended. Cancers can be mean and nasty when angry or hurt. It doesn’t matter whether they love you or not, they’ll take a bite out of you and it will hurt. They won’t apologize for it either, at least not directly. I’ve been on the receiving end of this. Sorry Cancers, this has been my experience and observations.

A man that does everything to remain emotionally uninvolved in a relationship won’t tell you that he misses you and that he wants you back. Dash that romantic notion. You need to keep asking yourself if his unavailability is what you want. Is this weird behaviour what you want? Are you hoping he returns even though he will continue to treat you this way? It’s not for him to decide this for you.

I’m assuming you are a Scorpio Sun; you are also a water sign, but with a fixed quality. You use your emotions to control and strengthen, to make things permanent and final. I understand you (I’m a Scorpio rising) and what you are going through but you need to look for the answer within yourself. Someone else’s advice on what to do is based on their circumstances and can cause you more regret, even if the advice is good for them. Whatever path you choose is what helps you to grow. You are a Scorpio, the natural ruler of the 8th house. The house of personal growth and transformation. I’m here if you want to talk things out.

Your sun signs are are only a small indicator. The whole natal chart needs to be looked at as a whole to understand more.

@ScorpioEliza
Oh no.

First, let me ask you, what was your motive when you told him not to get in touch with you again? Did you really mean it? Second, dealing with a cancer man when he’s upset or emotional is next to impossible. Drama is the right word. Impossible to reason with and highly illogical in this state. It’s not an act, even if he is an actor.

You would rather he have left you because then you wouldn’t have a choice? While I think you are giving away your power, I actually do understand what you’re saying. There’s nothing wrong with taking the responsibility for a break up because it tells him that his actions are not acceptable to you. You don’t need to feel guilty about that.

“Now, i am not sure what to get out of this. These things have happened before. The pattern is, he freaks out, i approach him with persuasion, he feels threatened, he shuts down, he says drama stuff like that, he gets angry, i leave him alone, i am going silent, he gets back.”

— You know the pattern ... he draws you back in and it’s always on his terms. He IS being selfish. I understand that you are in love with him but he keeps pulling you back into a situation you are not happy with. Are you hoping that it will change?

“The things is, both him and me, we keep communicating reversed messages. Our words dont match our thoughts, our thoughts our emotions, our emotions our words. Thats both on me. I play it cool when i am not. He is clearly emotionally connected (that i can totally assume through sex) but says he is not, i ask him to leave then i text him, he says he doesnt have the sexual drive anymore then comes back and we have the best sex ever.”

— You both want different things; you’re not on the same page. You say you don’t need a label but you want emotional intimacy. Whether you put a label on it or not, the bottom line is you want something he’s either unwilling or incapable of giving. He says he wants casual, but Cancers are highly emotional and he resists any emotional bond. There is conflict within yourselves and the messages you are sending to each other are a reflection of that conflict.

The only way to change this is to break the pattern.

@ScorpioEliza
Oh, I don’t think he’s gone, but I don’t think the situation will change either. If he does mature, it will take time and if he’s searching, he needs to know what he’s searching for.

@ScorpioEliza
I’m sorry that you’re going thru this. I know they can be emotionally exhausting.

“I am harming you. I am sorry, I will not text you again.”,
He acknowledges that he’s hurting you, but instead of trying to fix what’s wrong, he’ll just stop texting you? Although I’m sure he’s sorry for causing pain and he might not even realize it, but this is kind of manipulative. I don’t think this is only a Cancer trait and could apply to anyone to some degree.

And, ‘his door is open just so you know’
Understand, that if you do want to go back, that it will be on on his terms.
One thing I’ve learned is that when you’re not afraid of losing someone, that’s when they want to hold on to you.

@ScorpioEliza
You did the right thing in letting him go. You know he’s not emotionally available, he never was. He wants freedom without obligations, in case something else comes along ? Sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants so it’s best to let him figure out his life without harming you along the way.

I’m glad you opened up and told him how you feel and how his actions make you feel. Even though it hurts, I believe it’s better to be up front and know exactly where he’s coming from. It would have been an upward battle all the way, with him always pulling back and with you always feeling deprived of intimacy.

Yes, protect yourself and live with no regrets.

Edited to add: He does have feelings for you. He doesn’t know what it is, but he’s also resisting it. If you let him keep coming back into your life so easily, then his behaviour will never change.