I have been married one year and four months to a man who I thought was my soul mate, only to find myself now preparing to leave and divorce him.

We met in 2004, and I left him in 2005. I spent 2 wonderful years on my own, no man in sight. He found me in 2007, proclaimed himself clean and sober for those 2 years spent without me, and said he was a changed man. Indeed he is.

He is now obsessed with addictions. Anything & everything that feels good, whether natural or chemical, is bad and must be avoided and denied. He won't take medicine for a headache, or for his (made up diagnoses, he says) of Bipolar. Now he won't drink coffee; he claims I have a "coffee addiction" when I only drink 3 cups per morning, and the occasional cappachino. And it keeps getting worse; now "marital relations" have joined his deny list. If it feels good, avoid it all all costs...is, I believe, how his warped thinking goes.

He refuses to even go for marriage counseling-or any kind of counseling. He spends little time near me-which I am now grateful for. Funny how things change.

I believed him to be my soulmate, only to realize he is killing my soul, slowly and cruelly.

I won't have enough money to leave this cursed house until September...and today is July 30th. <sigh.>One more month, time to find somewhere to go, as I have nowhere to flee to as of now.

I have learned valuable lessons from this relationship, and I have remained strong and sane, somehow. I have been calling on strength I never knew I had to get through these last few months with him.

If any of you out there read these words, if you have any advice for me, words of wisdom, grains of sanity to spare, any input at all, please don't hesitate to respond and post.</sigh.>

Thanks to Tarot.com for having these forums.

=^..^= Blessings.

He has a personality disorder, you say. Is he bipolar? Is it borderline personality disorder? You must remember, he is mentally ill, and without proper ongoing treatment...I have the feeling he is set off by anything/everything. Nothing is trivial, in truth, though to you it may seem so. To him, it is probably a huge matter, whatever it may be that sets him off. He most likely needs ongoing therapy and medication, depending on his disorder, and it sounds like he isn't getting it.

You may want to suggest he seek such care, even if he doesn't want to hear it. Know I speak from experience; I, myself have bipolar and borderline personality disorder, with chronic depression and psychotic features - I am also on daily meds and see my doctor every month to 3 months. Today, I am stable, yet I know how out of control he must feel....without meds and treatment, I was a danger to myself, and to others. It takes time to find the right meds for each individual; it took 10 years to get me where I am today. Just know he is hurting inside, whether he admits it or not, and the reason he keeps buying things is that his spending is a symptom of his disorder. It sounds to me like he needs help, hun.

If he won't accept help now, he will eventually. He will tire of his pain and the symptoms of his disorder. I pray he will - I know I did. Know that in time, he will grow and mature - but it takes time, and patience with him is key.

Some men never do change, lol. I am preparing to leave my husband, as he is obsessed with addictions himself, to the point of denying himself-and me-of anything that feels good, natural or chemical. His denials include medicine and now sex, too. Thus I have come to realize that he has never grown one iota from the @$$&@!* he was when we met years ago. And then he was using drink and drugs. I believed his 2 years of sobriety without me had indeed changed him, as he claimed....and I now find myself in a sexless, empty "marriage". He changed, all right.

Sometimes men do change, though. My daughter's father has changed dramatically, and for the better. So, take heart, dear, for you never know what the future may hold. If I were in your shoes, I would exercise patience with him, try to advise him to seek help for his disorder - for his children's sake, if not for his own - and remember to live in the now, the present, not the past. And do something for yourself, somehing special, just for you. After what you've been through, I believe you certainly deserve it.

=^..^= Blessings.

Motherhood is everything to me. My daughter is the greatest gift I have ever recieved, the very best blessing ever bestowed upon me.

I sacrificed everything to give her life; and she rewards me daily with love, humor and joy.

Our bond is incredible; we finish each other's sentences, we are aware of each other's feelings even when we are apart.

She even knows my thoughts at times, whether I send or not.

I graciously thank the Powers That Be for my baby girl....though she is 12 now, and a baby no longer, but a maturing, lovely young woman....

Motherhood is everything to me. I would not be the woman, the mother I have become, without my daughter and her love.

Blessings.

Hi.......even though I am somewhat hesitant to respond, I read your words and felt your pain. I sympathize with you-my daughter's father and I seperated when she was 18 months old. Why? For my own reasons, huge then, but petty now. We have remained friends for my daughter's sake, and as we have both grown as individuals over the years, we both have come to learn the most important lesson of all:

: Put your children FIRST. Sacrifice what you must, but they must come FIRST, before your own needs and wants. You have a huge responsibility to give them the best you can, the best love you can, the best upbringing possible.

If you and their father engage in WW3 constantly before them, think of how it is hurting them. It does, you know.

This was why my daughter's father & I split; we never fought in front of her, but we were young and foolish and -

-she lived happily with me after we split until the age of 4. That year I lost our home, and once I moved us, I suddenly realized we were not safe in our new home. Her father came to me, and putting my own needs aside, I honored his request that our daughter live with him. I had to get her out of our situation, immediately, and she moved in with him that very day.

Now she is 12, still living with him, and he has become a great father, always placing her needs above his own.

The point of my story is simply this; put your children first, keep their father in their lives, whatever his faults may be....they need him, as well as you.

Today I am safe and in my daughter's life every day; it is amazing how close our bond is....she completely understands why she remains under her father's care, and loves me for the sacrifice I made for her when she was 4.

Yet, to be honest, it took me years of crying, hurting, and worrying before I came to realize that my girl is safe, and happy. Now I know though, and togther we move forward into our future.

Do what is best for your children, and everything else will fall into place. Have faith, and have patience. I wish you blessings and healing.

Good morning, all. I am Morrigwen, a Capricorn who appears to be in spiritual balance....so says Tarot, and Numerology....and my intuition. In my physical existence though, I am suffering from Neuropathy from a severe Vitamin B deficiency, depression and bipolar ( I have been on meds since 1996, and have been "stable" for the last 2 years), and my husband of a year and 4 months recently infected me with an std, which I have been on 2 antibiotics for over a week for. An ultrasound will show if there is any damage to my fertility.

You see, i spent a month believing the discomfort in my lower belly was due to pregnancy, only to be told by the ER doctor that not only was I NOT pregnant, but infected with this std, given to me by my husband, as he has been my only partner for years.

Talk about double whammy.

My husband refuses to discuss any of this, although his guilt is obvious. His ignorance toward me, his NOT asking how I'm feeling, his walking away when I mention it, is proof to me of his guilt and his lack of love for me.

Yet I am spiritually in balance....maybe because I am stronger now for having experienced this pain and come through the other side, entirely whole and free.

Free to be my true self now, and free to move on with my life. Being alone can be a healing time of discovery, as I've been told, and I agree.

My body will heal, as will my heart, and I am looking forward to what awaits me. I have learned my lessons, maybe too well.

Yet I continue on.....I wish blessings for all, and apologize profusely if I have offended anyone with my words.....but it needed to be told. Thank you cannot express my gratitude enough for the purging of this pain.