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    missleolady27

    @missleolady27

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    Latest posts made by missleolady27

    • RE: Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Two

      I have a fear of rejection and disapproval. i do find myself looking for the love she didnt or couldnt give me. I guess thats why i keep getting hurt I meet people who I see need love as I do but because they never felt what I am giving them they could never handle nor give it back. I feel better being able to get this off of my chest and having others to understand and give advice. And even help with insight. I know I have to work on myself and I am trying it day by day. Its hard to love myself when I dont know how or even where to begin. I am learning to accept me for who I am and to know that I am special. I try to tell myself that I love me and that GOD made me in His image.

      thecaptain when I read about the fear of rejection so much hit me in my face. I have this problem and find myself looking for others to accept me. I havent been myself and when I am alone I become upset with myself because I knew that that wasnt me. I have been known to have strong opinions and a very strong mind but when it comes to fitting in I let all of that go and I call it dumb myself down to deal with the people that i do deal with. I hate( i dont like that word) that i do that to myself because I feel I have alot to give to the world. I like myself but i dont love myself. I just want to change the way I think about myself and life. I am not a bad person and I will go to the ends of the world to make sure everyone is happy. I dont like seeing others happy and noone will see me unhappy if they dont really know me. I feel blessed to have the gifts that I have and i want to learn more about who I am and to even strengthen what I have. I always felt different and I looked at things as being bad instead of good. Thank you Thecaptain and to everyone else who have provided me with insight. I really like this and will continue to write on here. I feel that because I am so determined to get out of this that I will grow.

      be blessed everyone

      posted in Anything Goes
      M
      missleolady27
    • RE: Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Two

      my childhood......

      I remember being alone most of my childhood. I always found myself getting lost playing with my dolls. it was like a way out for me. my dolls were sacred noone could play with them because to me they were real. at a young age i found out about sex from all the adults around me. everyone was so into fulfilling their needs and wants regardless of if i was around or not. i remember being babysat at 7 while my mom and her friend went to the store. i learned alot about it that nite. i always remember standing in the background while watching others perform. my mom always had to have the spotlight. never wanting me to steal her joy. my dad died when i was two so i dont have many memories of him but i remember blaming him for leaving me with so much pain. my mother told me i cried at his funeral like i knew what was going on. i think i did. when i was in school i used to get teased alot for little dumb things. i was the shortest so that was one reason. older girls use to pick fights for no reason. i made good grades because i would get recognition form my teachers, they made me feel important. i remember in elementary school i fell in love with this boy who had the best soul a young person could have. and my bestfriend was like that too.

      when i was young i use to see things and could never explain why i saw them but never had anyone to talk to about it. i was haunted by the visions and became so afraid of everything. i did things as i got older to fit in because i always felt like i was alone. even when i did those things it was never good enough because i always received backlash for it. i had people hate me for reasons to this day i could not understand. i would hold a grudge towards them because of how they treated me. my bestfriend moved away and i had no other friends like her since.

      my dad's sister use to come get me every weekend when i was young. at those times i felt peace. i felt like i belonged somewhere and that i could be myself. i remember one day it rained and going outside with my bathing suit on and some soap just being free. singing and dancing and my aunt laughed as she watched me. i felt loved. then i would have to go home to a place where i felt noone cared about me and that i was a mistake. even as a young child i contemplated suicide.

      my mother never really took into consideration my feelings or my brothers it was always about her. so when she moved us from where we were comfortable to a place where we didnt know anybody it was hard to accept. i remember in middle school being sick all the time from being stressed. dealing with the kids in school and then dealing with the things from home took a major toll on me. i remember my mom telling me one day when i missed the bus because i didnt want to go to school that she didnt want me......that hurt me alot and noone could understand the pain i felt behind it. sometimes i think noone really cared. i use to be called ugly by the people my mom dealt with and the kids at school. my mom never told me the things a mom should tell her daughter growing up. so i thought of myself as this ugly person. i didnt like my race because my skin was darker than everyone elses. i was teased for being timid because everytime i was picked on i would cry. i knew i was tough but when you have so many people against you and not having the comfort you want from your parent it makes it hard to deal with.

      i became rebellious by having sex at a early age. i had my first child at 16 and my second at 17. the second one i had to give up for adoption becuase my mom threatened to kick me out if i had two in her house. i learned that i could get attention if i gave up the one thing they wanted, i didnt know any better so i gave in. my mom found out about my activities and made a big deal about me hurting her, never once did she ask me about how i was feeling. i remember praying at a young age about why i couldnt have been the one to go instead of my father. or why she couldnt have given me up. i felt punished with her as a mother.

      to this day she wont accept what she has done . she says that im making things up because i hate her,. she said to our pastor that she dont remember any of what i said happening. when things dont go her way she doesnt want to have anything to do with the person so she didnt talk to me until the pastor made her. now she wont be there for me or help me when im down on my luck because she feels i got myself into it and when she had us noone was there to help her. she tells me about the things people did to her when she had me. i grew up thinking that i was the cause for her troubles and that she only kept me because my father wanted me but then she was stuck with me.

      i feel like this is alot. i have alot more on my chest to let go of but i guess this will do for now

      posted in Anything Goes
      M
      missleolady27
    • RE: In need of help..so alone

      I want to thank each and everyone of you for your kind words. Reading these threads actually bought me to tears. My children's peditrician suggested that I seek some form of help as well. I guess she could see that I was down when I took my youngest in for shots. Its hard when you feel like youre alone and wanting to be strong for others while slowly losing yourself. I am the neighborhood therapist always listening but never being heard. I am glad that I came back on here after being gone for awhile.

      Thecaptain I greatly appreciate your insight as with the others. It has been hard for me to allow anyone into my life when I have been hurt so many times by people even family members. I have held on to resentment towards my mother and myself. I will take the advice you have given me and work on it. I think that it would be a good idea for me to seek some form of help I dont want to give up on my kids. I have four and they need me just as I need them. Im going to continue praying and work on myself.

      I havent learned how to love myself because I always been so busy loving others. Showing others that I can love instead of showing that I need love. Well thanks again and I hope that everyone stays safe and be blessed

      posted in Anything Goes
      M
      missleolady27
    • RE: Compatibility analysis

      I was wondering if I could get a reading on mines and two of my associates. One is a male and the other is a female. I want to know if I should possibly keep them around as long term friends or if I should leave them alone. I am going thru enough with other ppl dont want to add to it. also would like one of me and my mother.

      my bday august 20 1982

      male december 12 1982

      mom september 5 1962

      female december 20 1988

      posted in Astrology
      M
      missleolady27
    • In need of help..so alone

      i havent been on here in a year and in the past year I have been thru hell. I am not happy with how my life has been going so far and have even contemplated ending everything. I have no friends and no family thats willing to help me thru my touh times. Noone wants to listen when I need to talk. Every guy I have dealt with only uses me for wut they want and then its to the curb with me. I am so tired of going thru everything that I am going thru. I can be happy for maybe a day or two and then when reality sinks in again im back to feeling like I am no longer needed here. I know this may not be the proper place to come to but I felt that it was someone on here who could help me. I feel like I am being punished for something from a past life. I need to know wuts going on with me and my life and wut do I need to do to get up again. I am tired and Im holding in there because of my kids but with the way things are going for me how much longer can I hold on. I am alone. I pray alot for happiness and to feel loved because I feel like Im not. my birthdate is 8-20-1982

      posted in Anything Goes
      M
      missleolady27
    • RE: Can u do a reading for me please

      i am wondering what direction i need to go in....i feel myself growing spirituality but would like to know which way to turn and if what i am feeling about myself is truth..i do seem to doubt myself at times. my bday is 82082 and i was born at 418 pm

      posted in Horoscopes
      M
      missleolady27
    • RE: Would appreciate a dream revealed!!

      i know i have been on here before asking for guidance and help but i need help trying to figure out this dream i had. two days ago i had a dream that i was walking down the street which turned into a interstate with winding roads. well the cars were coming towards me and when i would run they would get closer. some of the cars would fall off the interstate into high water. the cars that were chasing me would get so close as if tryin to push me in the water but this guy i dreamt about before would come along and tell me that he will protect me this happened a couple of times during the dream. i woke up confused because i didnt know wut was going on and why. the last tie i dreamt of this guy i founf out the message he was sending me or warning. this time i dont understand it.i use to see this guy everyday but i dont go around him anymore due to wut he was warning me about (or who). but i can still feel his presence sometimes. i have been out of it for a couple of days. i dont know how to feel can someone please help me understand which direction this dream is tryin to take me. i have ben going thru some spiritual growing and learning and finding out about who i am so i see all dreams as a lesson becuz of the content but this one really has my mind boggled

      posted in Astrology
      M
      missleolady27
    • Hello.....please help me understand

      last month i looked on my phone because i had a missed call and saw that a call had been made on jan 5 at 11:59pm. I am confused because today is jan 5 and i dont know why that call was on my phone. the number was listed as secret. the call lasted for 71582788 minutes and 15 seconds.....can someone please tell me what is going on with the numbers. After seeing that on my phone i went back through and looked at my call list and saw that alot of the calls had numbers similar like jan 3 3:11 pm for 32 seconds or jan 3 at 1:26 pm for 2 minutes and 6 seconds. some of these numbers are included in the phone numbers.......can someone please help me to better understand this

      posted in Numerology
      M
      missleolady27
    • RE: Im really confused about things!

      hello hanswolfgang.....I am confused about the religions part. Actually i am confused by the whole thing can you explain it alittle more to me please

      posted in Astrology
      M
      missleolady27
    • RE: Im really confused about things!

      happy holidays to you as well and to evryone else... leoscorpion, hanswolfgang....thanks for everything

      posted in Astrology
      M
      missleolady27