Me and my Friend julissahave been friends for a long time now and i guess i can say ive been through alot with her. When i first met her, we connected so easily and it seemed as though we were made for each other. many of my friends even told me that me and her look like we belong together. I don't disagree and i feel the same way.
At the time i had a girlfriend and she was single but i had been committed to my relationship. But as time progressed my feelings for her grew past the feelings i had for my girlfriend which made me question my relationship with my girlfriend cheyenne and wheather it was the kind of relationship i wanted to be in and it wasnt. so i had ended the relationship before i was too deep into it.
Then during this time i just enjoyed life and hanged with my friends and of course, talk to julissa. and my feelings grew more to the point of me wanting to ask her out on a date. This eventually led me to find out she had just recently got a boyfriend who lived in queens and met through myspace while we lived in the bronx. but things with him and her were going well so all i can do is be a good friend. Our friendship grew though and we started to hangout more with our friends as a group and then the two who talked the most... me and her.
My feelings for her were already set and it was a fact that i really liked julissa but i figured she were with her BF so she didnt really feel the same way. then my friend amanda's birthday party was scheduled and i went there which i had met a girl named Amy which she was pretty cool and i had the feeling that she really liked me alot. that night though i was going to sleep over Amanda's house and just so happens that Amy was sleeping there also. so that whole night me and Amy talked it all through. straight to the next morning. i thought it was something nice and i started to like her.
Then during this week i figured out from Amanda that Amy had a boyfriend of 9 months that she was about to leave me for only 2 days. i Also figured out that Julissa had broken up with her boyfriend and stupid me tried to ask her out like the second she told me. not necessarily the second but shortly after like a day or two and she told me she liked me too but she's not ready for a relationship. so i said ok. and i had dated Amy. Me and Amy eventually broke up because the same situation with Cheyenne had arised and i knew i should stop again too before i hurt Amy even more.
Throughout this time period me and Julissa eventually grew feelings for each other even more and we both really liked each other. It was only then to hear from Julissa that she still had feelings for Brian and she told me the reason they broke up was because of one of her older ex's Mike made her kiss him and she felt so bad about it that she had broke up with Brian because of that. so that was a shot to my hopes basically. But this one day she had came to my house and we sort of had the feeling that we wanted to kiss one another. she was very shy so i decided to make the move and we kissed for the first time. After like 10 seconds she told me that it wasnt right and that she was hurting Brian. And shortly after Brian called asking her what was she doing and she had to lie because she was afraid of messing up what him and her had together. She told me that she didnt regret kissing me and that she wanted to kiss me but she still felt bad about what she did to Brian. She told me that Brian asked her out that day and she said yes. She told me that me and her should stop talking because she doesnt want to hurt Brian.
So we did for that day but the next day at school we acted like we always did which in other peoples eyes was like a couple. After awhile she starts to tell me that she isnt happy in the relationship and she wants him to change. so i give her advice on what she should do in order to help it work. Basically tell him to come to see her more because she's always going over there and when they go over there they only play video games or have sex. which got to the point of her wanting to do something different for a change. he wasnt able to uphold to the requests and they broke up. he made a promise to do these changes but before he got to show any progress he ended it. she was extremely hurt from what happened and i was there comforting her on the phone when it happened. Days after we became like boyfriend and girlfriend without officially being boyfriend or girlfriend. It was nice at first but i was afraid that i would get hurt if i stayed in this because something might happen where the fact that were not official may hurt me. so i asked her if we could and she said she wasnt ready for a relationship because she was just out of one. so i respected that and we continued to be the way were.
One day we got into a slight misunderstanding that she took overboard and said that we should stop talking to each other because she was opening up to me and i distrusted her which was false because i tell her everything there is to know about me, down to the last detail. I was extremely hurt from that. i felt like we broke up but we werent even together officially. it was just so depressing that i hurt myself with a razor and i never did that in my whole entire life. all my friends kept asking me what was wrong because of my mood and i just replied "everything".
So through this time period of my depression and us not talking to each other, she starts to talk to mike again. Mike was that kind of ex that always found away of manipulating the girl into getting back with them and then once they have them they go back to their old ways. But he was a bad BF, he was manipulative, Controlling and demanding and she told me all these things that he's done that made her feel the way she feels about Guys in general. So mike did his manipulative things and made it seemed like he changed for like what... the 4th time? and she fell for it.
During that time period of Mike and Julissa talking again, julissa had went with me to my prom and it was fun at first but then during the slow dance she told me that she started missing mike and it ruined my whole mood for that night. And we didnt even talk cause she was talking to my friends and stuff while i was just there. i felt bad. and she apologized for that night.
Mike and julissa started going out again and of course at first she was happy. but then came in the complaints about what was going on. Thats when i started to tell her that she should really think hard about what she's going into and that its clear he hasnt changed. Then one day after two weeks of not seeing her, me and her and two of my friends decided to hangout. she said that she missed and that its been so long. Then that day when we were at my other friends house Mike called and she didnt pick up. so i said you should call him back that way he wont be worried or anything. so she did and then he started to get mad because she didnt tell him that he was gonna be over there and had he known i was there he would have been even more mad than he already was. so then he was basically threatening her to leave the house because he didnt want her to be there and she said she doesnt want to so then he said fine it's over and goodbye. she wasn't too bummed out about it.
I had slept over my friends house that day and julissa lives really close by. so the next morning we decided to invite her over. That day me and Julissa had made out. and the whole day we acted like a couple once again like holding hands and what not. Then the next day after that she came over to my house and we had made love in many ways and it was a really passionate moment, something done out of the feelings we had for each other and not necessarily because we were in the mood or anything. And it was a truly special moment we shared between me and her.
Then that night she tells me that i have always been that one person that makes her happy and im really important to her, but this has not been the first time i heard it. So then the next day at school we act like couples once more and for the first time in awhile i was really happy with her. That night we talked for hours among hours but about how much we like each other and what not. Then yesterday i tell her about how i was thinking again about us becoming official and she said she isnt ready. so then she went home and i went home and then she tells me...
"Ive been happy ive been really really happy..and i like u alot.. i dont love you though... i want to tell u this before anything.. and i its hard from me from moving on from brian n then mike.. and what we did sunday was something ill never regret and it was amazing we shared something but i cant date nobody now and i appreciate it if u dont force me or pressure me to.. cause i wont stand for it at all.. and if we do things.. dont expect to be every time we hang out. ...and i think we shouldnt do things until we date cause i wont feel comfortable.. cause that just makes us mess arounds no matter what. but i need to move on. and i cant do that when we do stuff like what we did sunday thats not moving on.. at all.. and know that i like you but i cant date u and love.. well i need to get over mike. i just need to focus on what i want and i cant be in something right after i was with someone"
i completely understand what she means. but i feel like she doesnt want to talk to me as much now. and it hurts me, my friend says maybe its hurting her too. so what do you guys think about this whole thing?