@TheCaptain I understand what you are saying and agree to it as well. But there are feelings of guilt, remorse, and having messed up something really good at my end.
No matter how much I want to get angry at him for doing what he has done, i can't help but also understand and see things from his point of view.
He is somebody who has a very busy life, is the sole earner of his family, and also, his family is very conservative. We both are from India, and he comes from a Muslim family while i am a Hindu. Which is probably one of the major fears and blocks in his head.
(Which also shouldnt be that big of a deal as I am willing to convert to his religion, and i know in my heart my family would agree to whatever it is in which my true happiness lies. They are not that conservative)
I understand what could have caused his fears as his last relationship, did not work out due to religion differences (his ex was a christian)
He might be afraid of things not working out, which u rightly explained, he pulled out too fast. From day one i was the one convincing him how this could work and he was the one denying it at all costs.
I'd say he has no balls to fight for us, but he said he has no will... So i guess i have to live with that.
I cannot explain how heartbreakingly painful and emotionally tumultuous this is for me.
The reason i mentioned this to be a twin flame relationship was because of all these things that have been happening. My emotions are out of my control. I try to convince myself that I will be okay without him, but something within keeps reminding me that this might be the loss of a lifetime. When i think to the moment where I'm on my deathbed and the entire life (apparently) flashes like a movie in the head, the fact that he would be one of those memories, and probably that would be the only next time I'd ever experience/relive his love is heartbreaking to me. Idk if i have worded this feeling appropriately or not but it just hurts a lot.
I have never been abandoned like this before. I never thought something like this could ever happen. While my emotional side is so overwhelmed...there is a part of my logic which keeps telling me i am taking this too seriously by letting it affect me this much. But the truth is the intensity i felt with him defied all logic that might exist.
This period of no contact that he has forced upon me keeps giving me anxiety. I have tried reaching out to him but i get no response. Even when i stopped trying to reach out, it didn't affect him. It's like he created this distance to move on from me. And that's what scares me that the distance wil actually make him and me both forget what we had.
He won't ever give us a chance to restart. He won't ever find that courage in him.
So what am I supposed to do. How am I supposed to live with this void.
Why was i given empty promises of marriage.
Why doesn't no relation of mine stick.
I am absolutely lost and questioning my existence.
I don't even know if i am making any sense