Icearia, you have such kind words to say. It has been difficult after all of this. I think my husband and I would love to get away for a while and go on a vacation sometime. I thought when I got pregnant again it would be a healing experience after having my stillborn son. We had my living son right after my first miscarriage, and it brought so much joy, but now I do feel the need to get away and relax in a warmer place for a while. I know my husband keeps saying he wants to get away. I think he hurts, but he doesn't express it as much. My little boy is nearly 2 years old, and he doesn't know everything that happened, but I often hold him and hug him so tightly because he means so much to me. I think later in life, when the time is right, he may have a lot of difficulty understanding what happened. A lot of people tell me that I am so strong, but you're right I should not try to put on a (brave face), especially, I was thinking when I am feeling down and out and not knowing how to take it all in. People have said they could never handle what I've gone through, but I don't really have a choice because it happened and our family has to go through it. I think everyone faces something; it's just a bit different for everyone. I often look to my husband for him to comfort me. Our relationship is just getting stronger everytime this happens, and my son gives us joy through all the sadness, so really they keep me going. I just really hope all this stuff gets better because right now it seems like one thing after the next. There is so much pain and suffering in the world, and I am truly blessed with a wonderful husband and son though, so that I have to be so greatful for, and I am. Hugs to you for all the kind words you had to say to me:)
dotthorey, thank you once again. The guilt does get to me a lot, but I know that there's nothing I can do about it, and I keep thinking that I have to realize that sometimes this happens and for no reason at all. I just have these flash backs of the week that my son passed and think about how I could have changed it, but maybe he would have been born and still died soon after, and his passing was meant to be either way. I guess that there really was a different plan for my little ones than I had planned. It's just hard to accept that, and I often second guess that at times. It sounds like you have a some good kids, and you are so lucky to have a grandson! I bet they bring lots of joy to your life. I have always wanted to have a big family, but with all of the losses, I'll take what I get:) I know some people never get children, and I can't imagine that kind of pain either. I guess there's lots of different kinds of pain out there. It's wonderful to know so many people out there who care for others so deeply like you and the people on this forum.