I got married when I was 17 to the first guy I met at my first job in 1993, I’ve been married for 15 years and he was my first. To go a little farther back, I was very abused as a child for the first 8 years of my life I was abused in every way you can think of. I moved to Utah when I was 9 and I was abused again but by my school peers (I can scars on my face and arms where I was beaten by them). So as friends or boyfriends go, it was not possible.

I was never independent, never lived alone, never supported myself. I’ve also been very sheltered. Never go out with friends, never had any except through my husband.

My other job I had for 8 years, I worked in an office with 7 very conservative women. My family moved out to Mississippi and now I work as a cocktail waitress. Woooo, I know huge change! More money though. I’m 33 now and I really blossomed. My husband has changed. He’s become very possessive and insecure.

I met someone who changed my whole outlook on life. I’ve never met anyone like him. I know he likes me a little too much, more than he should. I push him away and it breaks my heart and the look on his face is heartbreaking.

This guy makes me feel alive inside whenever I see him. It’s complicated, but he's the first person who has ever run his hand down my back. No one has ever done that, not even my husband. I know its sexual harassment, but I want it and I miss it when he doesn’t do it. He is not creepy by far; he is very honest with himself. I guess you have to know him. The other waitresses see him giving more attention to me, smiling at me, staring at me. When they tell me this I push him away. Because I can't do anything, I’m not that way. Then I hear other waitresses talk of "hooking up with him." and I push him away even more. He’s stop touching me because I’m pushing him away so much. I can tell by the look on his face and hear in his voice that something has changed. I don’t know what I’m getting myself into. I’ve never been in this situation before. I know that I can’t love my husband anymore. I’ve told him as much. Were temporarily separated right now to figure out what I want in life and love. And I think I deserve a chance to live independently. Now, as I sit quietly, the other waitresses I work with talk of how they think they are in love with him also. And how a year ago she left her husband of 2 years to be with him, and she's exited of the prospect of being with him. What is this!!!!!!!

What the heck is going on? Is he a manipulator? Does he manipulate people to feed a giant ego he has?

I feel so lost.