i feel so sorry for the rotten life you were given and i see some aspects of my own life in yours. You need some good councilling which i know costs an arm and a leg but at the very least, an anti-depressant to help your mind calm down. If you don't find a way to take hold of your hurt and pain you will most certainly pass this on to your daughter and the circle will never end. Like me, you need a big strong hug, you need to feel protected and secure and like me it just ain't happening. After 14 years of marriage i have finally learned that it is all a fantasy. Men are egotistical, selfish animals and trying to find our emotional security in them is a total waste of time. There are different kinds of abuses and i have been beaten up emotionally so many times that there's nothing left of me. I am an empty void now. They don't care how many times we've been sexually abused, how we suffered in childhood, our depression. They only care about what they want and how they feel. I once asked a psychologist how people who came throught the holocaust were able to pick up their lives and continue on while i couldn't find my way out of the deep hole of despair i was in since childhood. She told me that in many cases it was because they had secure, loving childhoods that gave them the emotion tools to survive and carry on to live productive lives. It is so true and you must stop beating yourself up for any mistakes that have been made and you must vow to yourself that yours and your children's future starts today. The only person that can give you what you need is yourself. Unfortunatly for both of us, no one will give us what we are looking for....to hug and hold that child inside of us. We must love that child ourselves. We have to take that child by the hand and lead her to a safe place in our heart. We must learn to love ourselves unconditionally and forgive ourselves for past errors. NO ONE IS PERFECT so now you must stop beating yourself up and create a new reality for yourself and your daughter. Lastly, in your darkest hours you must ask yourself....if you had cancer, would you try to save yourself?