Hey SV, Just a passing visit to say that I hope you had an awesome birthday yesterday and you got some lovely gifts. You deserve to be spoiled. Hope everything is ok with you and yours. xxxxxxx

Sorry I haven't been around for a while.

Was Scorps birthday yesterday too.

Really miss all of you, but was far too painful to be around after he left, and coming onto forum just reminded me of him too much.

But like Arnie - I give you fair warning - I WILL BE BACK!!!

Much love

Lolpet.xxxx

Hi Katie,

How are you? Whats happening in your life?

I don't come on here so much as I used to. So much going on.lol

Scorp is currently in Rotterdam working so I have a few weeks respite.lol

I do have a new phone, but I am struggling to get to grips with it, so both are now in use. Maybe one day I will have the courage to switch the old one off. I am hopeless with technology now. Far too advanced for me!!!!

Take care.

L.xxxx

Hey stranger,

Been in a bit of a state myself.lol. Sent you an email today, got your address from an old friend from the forum. Let me know on here if you don't receive it tho and I will try again. Much love. L.xxx

Hey Moon,

Good to see you back here. It has been a while!!! Hope you can find medication to help you deal with your crohns disease. One of my colleagues suffers from it, but has found a way to incorporate it into her daily life without it causing her too much grief,

Loved what you said about Scorpland. So so true!!!

Stranger,

I think you just have to find a way to accept that your Scorp is secretive, it is one of their traits. That doesn't mean he is doing anything bad when he is away from you. My Scorp used to tell me about his friends and what they got up to. He wasn't doing what they did, and he didn't condone it either. But they were his friends and he accepted them for what they are. You should too. You may not like them, but you have to put up with them. Trust your Scorp - he keeps coming back. AND - you managed to get away on holiday! Yay!! Progress.

Scorp contacted me again out of the blue to ask me about something he could easily have gotten himself. I am being very polite, and nice but I only answer what he asks. I haven't made first moves to contact him. And you know Stranger, I DO feel stronger.

I was thinking tonight that I could quite happily continue my life without him if I had to. I don't want things to go back to how they were. I sleep at nights, I don't have the worry or the grief he creates when he is around. I have peace. Yes I love him, I always will, but I wonder if he will ever settle, ever be content. I can be, I'm not sure he can. He is always looking for something bigger, better - I am content with who I am, what I have. I don't need material things to make me happy. As long as me and mine are happy and healthy and have enough to live on I don't need anything else.

I have surprised myself tonight - I always believed that we would make US work. Now I am not sure. I can feel myself detaching. Weird!! I deserve better from him, always have. Now I won't accept less.

Hey stranger,

glad things are looking up for you. I didn't think you and your Scorp would be apart for long.lol.

Seems like he can't stay away!!! It doesn't matter that you can't always agree on everything - life would be really boring if that was the case!! As long as you both agree that you want to be together you can always work on the details later. Soon he will be like your cat, curled up on your bed every night for you to snuggle into.lol. Chase your dreams. You go girl!!!!

I was really upset on Monday night, got myself into a bit of a state about this mess I am in. On Tuesday morning out of the blue, Scorp texted me about something to do with my work. He has been in constant contact over the past few days, telling me how he was in between jobs and hated the temporary job he was doing, so I have been helping him find another, which he did today!!! He said it was down to the CV I made for him (before we split.) We haven't mentioned anything about "US" but he has asked after my grandmother, and I have been keeping it friendly. Now that he has a job he has no further need to contact me, so I am "watching this space" lol. I feel so much calmer now we have contact, but I'm not sure how long this will last.

In meantime, FB guy is being VERY persistent about meeting for coffee - and I am being VERY evasive in return.lol.

I have plenty of social outings planned over the next few weeks so I won't be sitting around pining for Scorp.

Going to look for new phone at the weekend. I have been studying form, but typical Libran that I am, I can't decide which one to buy!!! I am hoping that fate decides for me - that one of my choices won't be available in the shop so I will buy the other one - the winner by default!!!

I have, however,decided that MY new year will start next week along with the Chinese New Year on February 3rd. It is the year of the Rabbit, and i just happen to be a Rabbit. The other one didn't start so well, so I am hoping that this will be a better start.lol.I am quietly optimistic.

Onwards and upwards!!! What is meant for me won't go by me, so bring it on 2011!!!

Hi Flow,

thanks for the wisdom and support. I hope your week isn't too busy, and you manage to find some time in there for you.

Scorp will only come around when (and if) he is ready - I have to wait until he wants to see me for the face-to-face. He disappears for weeks on end - back into his little cocoon - and no-one can reach him. He doesn't like confrontation, unless he is the one who starts it.lol. But I can wait.

What is bugging me is that after all these years I don't feel as if I am any further forward. I THINK I know him and then he does something and it throws me off kilter.

I suppose "I don't know" at this stage really means " I know I don't want you" and I am still not sure if I am ready for that.

On a plus note - even though I haven't been out the door since the new year, I have been asked out. TWICE!! by different men. It's like the cosmos is telling me to move on.ha ha

One of the men I haven't seen for nearly a year, and he had given me his number LONG before that. Just popped up as a friend on FB. Weird.

Not going to do anything about the invitations - not ready for anyone else. I need to grieve first for the last 7 years before I can move on. And, if truth be told, If Scorp came back around, despite how badly he has treated me, I couldn't hurt someone else by letting them down for him.

I have made a career out of waiting, a little longer won't hurt (well it probably will - I am tying myself in knots!!!!), but at some point I have to decide I have had enough.

I have plenty to keep me occupied for now - weekends were always the worst (too much thinking time on my hands!), I have work, daughter is unwell and grandmother still in hospital so I have more than enough to keep me busy, and def NOT thinking about him!!!

Speak soon.

Much love.xxxxxx

Hey Katie,

good to see you here too, although I do see you now and again on FB.lol.

I love that you are so cheerful now, able to move on now that that idiot of a man has moved away. I will always believe that it was his loss. I hope that some day he realises it too. Too late!!!

Now you are truly free to go out and have the life that you deserve, to find someone who deserves you. Enjoy.xxxxxxx

He stranger,

I am sorry you are still annoyed with Scorp. I think we let them get away with so much because we love them and maybe we should ask for a bit more without being afraid it will push them away.

Was there any reason why you and he didn't hook up on Friday? Could you not make plans for you both instead of waiting for him to do it? I know it is hard, but I don't think it is deliberate on his part, it is just how they are. They can do things on the spur of the moment, but rarely plan or make plans. My Scorp would promise me we would go here, do this etc, but never did anything about it. It took me actually booking a hotel for an overnight stay from his house in the morning (and telling him to pack a bag we were going - there and then) to get a night away he had spoken about for months!!!!

They like someone else organising them, they are lazy and would rather someone did everything for them.

Take the bull by the horns hunni - life is too short!!!!

As for falling out with his mother - is there any way you two can make up? My Scorp adores his mother, even though she sometimes interferes with his life, but he would hate if we didn't get on, or make an effort to. After all, she was the one who brought him up, organised him and did things for him and looked after him before the baton was handed to you.lol. You have more in common than you think!!!!!!

Sending you another hug.xxxxx

Hey Flow,

Good to see you here. I am also glad that things are working well with Libra. (Hmm, Libra and Scorp working out - there is hope for me after all!!! lol)

I am very good at waiting things out, you know this. I have waited and waited. But I don't want to be anyone's consolation prize - someone to resort to. Does that make sense?

I think I am at the stage now where I just want him to make a decision. He either wants me in his life or he doesn't. I don't think that is asking too much. If he chooses not to be, I can live with that - I have been apart from him so long, so many times that I would be able to cope. It would be like a bereavement - you miss them then you start to get on with your life. If he chose to be around then he would have to change his behaviour. I have never asked him to in the past, but I can't see-saw for the rest of my life. I need commitment or closure.

Next week I am buying my new mobile phone. His number won't be on it. He doesn't deserve to be. I will leave the old one on for a few weeks in case I miss anyone out when I am transferring, but at some point I have to make the decision to let go. If he can't do it then I have to.

For my sanity.lol.

Onnce again last night I cried for two hours in my bed, but I know he isn't worth the tears. I just want this sadness to be over. If he hadn't contacted me at the New Year I would be in a better place right now. There are people who want to spend their time with me, so why am I wasting my time on someone who only has the guts to make contact again when he has had a drink? Yes, I know it is dutch courage, but I am not an ogre, I would answer if he was sober too. I just wish I knew what was happening with this other woman. I don't even know if she is still around. And I am too afraid to ask!!!! because I might not like the answer. I know he has tried to move on in the past, but couldn't because of me, but what if this person is different? He has said that he still loves me, doesn't want to be with anyone else - but he told me at new year that she was nice, he likes her so what do I take from that???

I am so CONFUSED!!!! I am a control freak, and it is killing me not knowing.lol. I NEED TO KNOW!!! NOW!!!!

So, again I wait. I seem to spend most of my life waiting. But nobody knows how long they have on this planet, and I can't wait forever. I have given myself a deadline. For once in my life I am being decisive. I have to be.

Hi stranger,

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. Hope you are back to full health soon.

I think that you are very like me, in that you don't have enough faith in that man's feelings for you. I know how secretive a Scorp can be, but also how thoughtless. I am sure it wouldn't occur to him to tell you what he was doing/where he was working, but that is how they are. But men can only concentrate on one thing at a time, they don't multitask like we do.lol. They don't think it is a big deal to keep things from you. I don't even think it is intentional!! Men don't cope well with our illness either. They don't know what to do, what to say, so they say nothing. Then we think they don't care. But they do - they just can't express it.He has told you that he is missing you like crazy, he has made you the bench, bought you jewellery. He has invested in you, there is nobody else!!! I know exactly how you are feeling, on this Scorp see-saw. But it is what we signed up for. I hated that Scorp would rather text to tell me he loved me, rather than speaking to me. I felt our whole lives were run by text. It shouldn't be, but that is who they are, that is how they feel most comfortable. And some contact is better than none?

(PS - it was HIS niece who got pregnant - hence the excuse to text him)

I think that because you are feeling so low health wise, it can influence your view on the world too. I don't have the same energy I used to have. I'm getting old.lol. Often when I was at my worst after the split I didn't feel able to go out and socialize, I withdrew then thought my friends didn't care when they didn't keep coming around to ask me to go out. They were giving me my space, letting me wallow for a bit because I needed to, but I saw it as neglect.

The world is a scary place when you feel it has turned against you, but if you don't make the effort to go out and meet people it becomes an even scarier place. Please don't isolate yourself - people deserve to get to know you. You are lovely!!!! You have people here who care about you, we don't want you to be sad.

I am sending you a huge hug across the miles. Hopefully it will make you feel a bit better.

A big smacker too. MWAH!!!! xxxxxxxx