Hello everyone/anyone. My story is a bit different than most and I hope that all of you can be open minded about and provide me with some needed insight and guidance. I am married and have been having an affair with a Cancer man 12 yrs younger than me. We met at work. He came on pretty strong at first and we ended up having sex 3 weeks into the affair. We are now in month 11 of the affair and I think I have screwed it up and want to fix things.
I will provide some background so that you can understand our dynamic better. We are from different cultural backgrounds. I am from Puerto Rico , raised in US, he is from Haiti and been in US since age 15. He is 35 yrs old. I am married, he is in committed relationship with his childs mother (as he refers to her). When we met he said we could be best friends qnd enjoy each other forever if i would like. He has not lied about his situation and neither have i. He made it clear this must be a secret if we wqnt it to last. I agreed and we started the affair. 2 months into the affair, i shared some info about my situatiion with a friend at work, and that person connected the dots and told a coworker of his and it got to him. Needless to say he became very upset with me and nearly ended our affair. I was able to do some damage control and he agreed to continue. This was my first error....things went on as normal for a while.
4 months into the affair i decide to leave my husband because he was suspicious and i didnt want to let go of the affair. When i explained to my Cancer man he said i should go back home and work things out. I did just that after 3 weeks of being alone. After this my Cancer became distant we spoke but i had to initiate. When i asked when will i see you again...his response was always soon. He always hs responded however, that i can say. I left my husband 2 more times after this and even dated others. So the last time i left my husband i asked my Cancer when can i see you I am totally free...his response soon...so i stopped contacting him for about a month. He then reached out to me...even brome his own rule of no phone calls and left me a message asking how i was. When i asked him about ithe said "you cut me off" so i wanted to know how you are doing.
By now its month 9 and i explain to him that i would never cut him off because i love him....yes i confessed that i want him and realized i wanted him more than he wants me so i pulled away from him to check my feelings. He understood nd we continued to see each other and i am home again working on my marriage. So as time has passed he also said he loves me. So all should be well but its not because of me. I want more and have been trying to get it from him any way possible. So i keep asking and he tells me we will work on seeing each other more but im not satisfied because he is not as forthcoming with his emotions as i am. Yes he tells me he loves me nd misses me once in blue. I initiate all contact now. He is always busy he says. He does make time to see me when im out and available and is always loving and i see he cares. However i want more emotions. You know love notes and sweet nothings. So i commit what i think is the deadly error. I get all emotional and write a ling letter expressing what i want for him to do. I asked for his heart and said we were in a relationship nd i needed/wanted more to be happy. Needless to say he got pissed off and said he wanted to end it cause he cant satisfy me and doesnt want to make me miserable. I was devistated and began dmage control again but im not sure that it worked. Im afraid he is gonna pull away again and i may lose him for good.
I messaged him the day after he messaged me asking we end nd explained myself. He said i was pressuring him and he doesnt handle that well. He said i keep mentioning this relationship business. He said if he cannot make me happy then we may not be friends. I explained to him that i was just being emotional and that it waz my hormone. He said ok. I then told him he misunderstood that i didnt say he doesnt make me happy and that he does. That i believe he is the best and want him in my life. He said thanks. I asked him if he can still love me and he said yes. I asked idlf i could call, he said he was on the phone. I asked if i could see him...he said when. I said soon and he said he was gonna see his dailughter and he would let me know. Well 2 hrs later i sent him a text tellung him i was going home and just wanted to apologize in person. He responded 2 hrs later saying sorry, i took a nap. Wtf? We havent spoken since...this was 2 days ago. I have sent him an email....henever responds to my emails so i dont expect a response.
So back to my original question...will he withdraw? Should i withdraw for a while? I believe all is not lost because he said he can love me but im afraid that it will not be the same. The ball is in his court...i know and he has total control...i know....i also know that he may be playing me...that we have no future....that i deserve better....i also know he is manipulative, controling, an a bit insecure....possibky chauvanistic....and lso deserve what i get for having an affair...i am an intelligent woman...hiwever..i enjoy what i have and dont want it to end just yet. I just want some real, sincere advice about my Cancer man whether you agree with what i am doing or not....please assist.
Thank you in advance