Thank you for your insight and response. You are correct it's time, past time really to let go of the past, dreams included and move on in life. The relationship was always affected by outside forces though I didn't realize what they were at the time, I see them pretty clearly now.
I am happy (thank you) that you responded as I was beginning to wonder if posting was the right thing to do, so thank you again.
I have made progress in breaking the cosmic connection I have to him. Tho I wanted it broken and gone (as the amount of time knowing something was up with him went rattling around in my brain was tiring to say the least) it is on the sad side as I feel he knew I was doing everything in my power to break it. I don't know if he has tried to contact me (I blocked his calls & texts) so he would know I am no longer available to him.
However, I have this nagging feeling that he will get in contact with me again some time in the future and I just want to be at a place in my life where nothing from him affects me when he does.
I am irritated at the lengths I have had to go through over-all from blocking him to changing emails, becoming virtually unsearchable in anyway shape or form. He broke my trust and betrayed me in ways I wouldn't think of doing to anyone else and yet I still spoke with him, and even wanted to be back together - how stupid is that!?!
Maybe in retrospect - "things happen for a reason" it was a good thing, maybe I wasn't protecting myself well enough in many different ways. It has had an impact on me - I didn't share much with the outside world to begin with...now I share even less.
I don't want to end up in a shell tho.