Okay ladies, I need some help. It is very embarrassing to know I behaved this way so it is taking a lot for me to put this in my post. I am ashamed of my behavior.
You know I have not talked to my Virgo for three weeks. Three weeks was last Wednesday. So Friday I texted him “ Hello ***** how are you? Well I hope. I wonder if you will get my message since I know you didn’t receive my last ones.”
No reply , so again
No reply (please keep in mind I am OCD and a little paranoid) so again
“why won’t you respond?”
That was Friday so I left it.
Saturday I texted again
“I think I deserve more than silence don’t you?”
Now I start to get irritated (probably should have stopped then)
“Why are you doing this again? Is this how you deal with people, just cut them off?”
No reply (and I do give it time)
“I don’t understand why you are doing this. If you have no interest is staying friends just come out and say so. Please”
No reply (by now I am very upset and my mind is racing in a way that I can’t control, I have lost all reasoning, believe me if I had any left this was when I should have used it)
(now I am begging, keep in mind I have lost all reasoning…I know I sound foolish atleast now I do)
“This is without a doubt very cruel treatment you are doing exactly what you did last time and you were so sorry for that behavior, I just don’t get it. You consciously partake in this behavior.”
“Do you know what anxiety feels like *****? You must, you must know how debilitating it can be, you must have felt it. Are you afraid that if you respond it will open an dialogue that you don’t want to take part in? If that is your concern please know that I will only respond to let you know I got you your message but please say something.”
“Well if you ever decide you feel bad and need to clear your conscience you know where I am. It would have been better if you had replied saying you don’t want to communicate with me anymore, that would make me feel better as strange as that may seem, alteast I would know. I am getting angry but I have a right to be. You have done this before.”
“My god what is wrong with you, did she remove your heart when she left you?”
Boy how stupid I feel reading all this now.
So lastnight I emailed him an apology as follows:
I wanted to send you my apologies for my behavior yesterday. I was upset, I was hurt (still am) and I was angry. But , I have no right to make presumptions. I should not have assumed that we were that great of friends and that you owe me the courtesy of a reply. Obviously you don't feel that you do. So I want to clear the air. I don't like feeling angry, I really don't like being hurt but I also don't want you to think I am a lunatic. You have moved on from this friendship.
I guess I always felt that you were never quite into the friendship as I was but never admitted it to myself. I hoped we could maybe someday rekindle something as I too will be on my own in the next couple of years.
Anyway that is neither here nor there. I have been stressed out lately because of it and when you didn't reply I took it out on you.
I hope you can forgive me for that , things haven't been easy and I have been very depressed and down.
I also owe you an apology for the last time we talked. I was very short with you and I should not have called you.
I wish you happiness and I hope that I have regained some respect from you if in fact that was in question. Maybe some day we can talk again or maybe not.
Take care *****. Again, my apologies.
Got a reply this time……………..
“Hi ******, wow u had a lot on your mind. I have been up north this past weekend where there was no phone reception. I got back late last night. I'm not sure what to say to u, except things have been extremely hectic lately. Hope we can talk at some point down the road.”
I was shocked and felt sooo sooo sooo stupid. I replied with …
“I am truly very embarrassed”
he repied “ Don’t be, we are good”
Well I just am disgusted with myself. I need to know what you think. Is he lying and if he is why did he eventually respond? I'm so confused.