Hi Captain, thanks for your reply!
Could you tell me how you got to me not being the only woman in his life? And him using me? Maybe I'm very blind, but I don't see it..
My cancer ex broke up with me in Feb and even though I tell myself I don't, truth is.. I've been wanting him back ever since. Our relationship was intense and we used to fight a lot. We would do the whole break up - make up thing, but we couldn't be apart for more than a few hours.
Around xmas I found out he went to a bar and didn't tell me about it. It really pissed me off since he didn't like me to go clubbing, but he could do whatever he wanted? I came at him very hard, he apologized for pissing me off, but it didn't calm me. I was was P-I-S-S-E-D and told him I never want to hear from him again. And I didn't.. until a few days later when I contacted him, trying to go over it all and apologizing for being so mad. But he didn't want to talk since "he knew we would get back together and it's not a good idea". We eventually decided on a month break rather than breaking up. We did text a few times during the break, but one of us always cut it short.
I texted him after more than a month and he seemed very happy to hear of me and told me he didn't text me because he was afraid I was with other guys - typical. We chatted casually for a few days because he wasn't ready to talk about the break yet. Then one day he asked me to send him sexy pics and I did, but immediately after... I told him he shouldn't ask me for those pics when he thinks so low of girls that send pics to random guys. I was fed up with him not making up his mind and leaving me in so much insecurity. His response was that he was sorry I see him as a random guy. The morning after he apologized for his strange behaviour the past month, and he couldn't explain it and he still can't, so can we be friends and see if anything materialises? Of course this pissed me off, and I said NO, I should not let you play me around.
A note, he quit his job in the month of our break and he mentioned later on that he wanted to focus on starting a business and he couldn't have a relationship. The reason he mentioned for breaking up with me: "it's to do with all the fighting and what I want out of life". But I don't understand it, since he wanted this before and I even helped him when he asked me to write something for his plan. I was completely supportive.
After the break up, I still contacted him weekly, hoping he would tell me he misses me and wants me back. He's been giving me very mixed signals and I'm very confused. Two weeks back I told him I can't have any contact with him anymore, which I can't. It drives me insane. He told me "you mean so much to me. I can't give you the attention you deserve, but I do miss you. And I'll always be here for you if you need me".
I'm so confused as what to do!
He's 34, I'm 23. It's a long-distance relationship, we live an hour by plane. He actually came to visit me a month ago... I'm just really confused.