Hey, MariaRia. It might seem strange to say, but I've followed this thread for a while because it still pops up on my list of topics that I've participated in. I can't remember how long ago it was that I commented, but I was rather new to the forum at the time and looking for some Cancer advice through a reading. Anyway, since the thread is mainly b/t you and Jennever (also sexygem), I've tried not to interject again and instead use it for some insight into the Cancer “dilemma” from time to time. However, I want to give some advice or at least make a comment to see if it’ll give you a new perspective of looking at your situation.
So this isn’t to lecture at all because I’ve SO been there with my Cancer and I’m still dealing with the situation somewhat. Also, my moon is in Aries, so maybe we are alike in some ways, as well! But just like your Cancer guy, mine had me super caught up in a way that I’d never been before and I know that I loved him (maybe I still do). I also truly believe he loves me too. But to make a long story short, due to a few different things the situation between us hasn’t worked itself out, no matter how much energy and time I put into it. You seem like good people, so I’m sure you’ve done the same. However, I notice that you're afraid of doing anything to "set him off", in a sense, and I just have to let you know how dangerous it is to fall into that territory in a relationship with any person. By now, with all you’ve learned about Cancers on this forum and through research you know how sensitive they are. And with your guy (and mine) it's like you have to walk on eggshells because you don't want to upset him or backtrack on any of the progress you've made. I get that, believe me! But like Sexygem said, that really is no way to live and I don’t think it’s a healthy foundation for a relationship. Right now he has ALL of the power and don’t think for a minute that he doesn’t know this.
This forum is helpful in so many ways, but at the same time everyone says not to do this and not to do that, that it’s like, well what the heck can I do/say then? But there comes a point, I believe, when you're pretty much permitting someone’s behavior, like I said above about giving him the power. Also, I always try to keep in mind that at the end of the day we're talking about a MAN, whether he is a Cancer, Leo, or Pisces. From my experience--and unfortunately I've had a several bad ones--men will string you along, especially if they know you're into them. He doesn’t have to commit to you right now and he isn’t because, if I’m correct, he’s already told you that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea (whatever his reasons). Yet, he saw nothing wrong with taking you back to his place and allowing you to cuddle with him intimately. Yes, he resisted in some ways but if he respected you as much as he should I don’t think he would’ve done that to you. I don’t doubt that he cares about you and sincerely likes spending time with you. But unfortunately, as I’ve learned, that doesn’t guarantee respect from a man. You haven’t slept with him (thank the Lord! Haha), but he knows that if ever he wants a cuddle buddy he can just get you home for that purpose. If he wants sex, he has A...it’s like why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? He has the best of both worlds with absolutely NO COMMITMENT and worst of all, there is no guarantee yet that he ever will.
I know you may be thinking that I’m some random chick giving you advice, but I wouldn’t have taken the time to write this all out if I really didn’t empathize with your situation and have some experience to back it up (sadly!). I made myself completely available to my Cancer and he was so sweet and affectionate with me that I thought he for sure would never string me along or hurt me. Most importantly, I was always upfront with how I felt about him. I gave him plenty of opportunities to walk if he didn’t love me or see me as relationship material and he NEVER did. Yet, at the same time, he never committed to me and danced around it like your Cancer is doing. And I truly believe in my heart that it’s because he doesn’t fully respect me. If you’re not on the same page in a relationship, it will always be an uphill battle. As much as he likes/loves/cares/adores/whatevers me, he didn’t respect me enough to be real with me and stop stringing me along. Instead, he’d do what your Cancer guy does...flirt, cuddle, etc. and get away with it all because I made myself available for him to do that without a commitment. And all that’s happening with time is that you’re falling deeper in love and not allowing yourself the appropriate emotional distance from the situation. Right now you’re doing ALL of the work and because you’re afraid of upsetting him or stepping on his toes, he’s getting away with most of whatever he likes. Like I said before, he knows this and is taking full of advantage of it. It’s time for him to do the work at this point, after all doesn’t he already know where you stand?
I guess all I’m saying is that I think you need to start thinking about yourself and only yourself in terms of this relationship at this point. Really, how much of a headache is it to constantly do readings and look for advice and rehash all of the same bullsh*t that continues to happen. You can’t control his reactions, but you can control how you react to them. Me, myself, I noticed a cycle...I put myself out there, I got hurt, I put myself out there, I got hurt. All the little details started not to matter at some point. The fact is, my Cancer knew that I wanted to be with me and he was able to use my dedication and willingness to be with him for his advantage without the commitment. I see the same thing happening with you and yours and it’s so unfair to you. I’m not suggesting that you flirt and act over the top with other guys in front of him to incite jealousy, but please open yourself up to being interested in other men. Right now I think you love him so much and the possibility of you ending up together is so strong, that you’re unintentionally shutting yourself off from other guys that are presently worth more of your time. There is absolutely a chance that you two will end up together (hopefully, for all of the work you’ve put into this) but unless you start to switch the game up a little bit, the results will be the same. Has he done anything at all that shows he’s being mature/keeping it real about his relationship with you and other women? What strides has he made to show you that he respects and cares for you enough not to put you through games? Go ahead and be his friend and be civil and flirt but do it to YOUR benefit and to satisfy yourself...until he starts showing you that he’s serious about respecting you, then let him be the trophy...you only pick him up and dust him off and show him off whenever YOU want to do so. He needs to work for all of the perks he’s getting from you (cuddle buddy, friendship, ego boosts) and I really don’t see it anywhere in your posts about him.
I’ll end with this: you are a smart, caring person who deserves the same in a man. At the same time, I realize you’re human like the rest of us and only you can do what you feel is best for yourself. I don’t expect you to make any drastic changes in how you act towards him because you love him and want to be with him, and I so get that. Everything takes time. Whatever happens though, I really believe at some point you will grow tired of his foolishness and stop allowing him to play you. Don’t allow yourself to settle for only what he’s willing to give when it’s clear you want so much more. The thought of wasting years pining over a man really sickens me at this point! If you are meant to be with him it WILL happen, make no mistake. Until then, spare yourself the headache because no matter what you do or say, he is the only one that can decide what he’s going to do. Best of luck and sorry this is so long, but when I say I’ve been through it, I really mean I’ve been through it! Lol.