Thank you for your insight......
"Know yourself--your values--your needs--your boundries. I feel this relationship is beginning to erode your self respect."
I agree....when I entered this relationship I was much happier with myself preparing for a new chapter in life (I was moving to Hawaii from Ca when I met this guy.) Before I knew it I let him take over my inner self. I thought I became stronger after having 2 years focusing on taking care of myself since my divorce. I let my guard down for a second and now I am feeling as vulnerable as ever. Being vulnerable is a blessing if it is with a right person....and I thought he was, as he was showing me his vulnerable side for a while.
Since I posted this a week ago I have been trying to distance myself from my emotional distress so that I can better observe what is really happening. I know I deserve to be treated much better than this and can not let anyone take over my sense of self. I am feeling more anger than sadness lately.
All of questions I am asking myself so that I can see the truth. The truth I did not want to face so that I could hang on to what I thought I found! I might be paying the price of my own deception but what I felt with him was also genuine...that secure warm feelings.
Am I just clinging on to what I thought I had? Did I even have what I thought I had in a first place or just being in love in love? Was this just a rebound relationship after my divorce (yes, he was the first one I became intimate with)? Is he really worth agonizing over?
He is much younger, much less educated, much less worldly, financially struggling.....I thought it did not matter as long as he shows his love and stay true to his words...... yes, his words as once he kept it.
Part of me wants to despise him and want to tell him he was just a jump starter (as my girlfriend described him) for me so that there is no return. But part of me want to keep it going as is so that the warm feelings will return once "he is finished with his projects"......even for a while....
"Do you deserve my love?"