Hi Blmoon,

It’s been a long time… How have you been? I happened to look at the forum a few weeks ago and saw that you are back. I have thought about you over the past years, hoping that everything is going well for you. I took a long break myself, too much spam here.

I reread some of the last posts and obviously much has happened since then, mostly good things. I’m still in my home country. I gave up the search for a job abroad as that was not going anywhere. So I got a job in one of the embassies here instead. The position I got was really significantly below my skillset, but this whole diplomatic world seemed really interesting to me and looked very glamorous on the outside at least. I stayed there for a year, it was a very interesting experience, very different from all the other places I have worked. I really wanted to belong there, but it just wasn’t the right fit. I tried to apply to other positions there, but I didn’t get them and eventually I decided that this was a dead-end after all. But just then my boss also decided to change jobs, she was hired as the general manager of a local branch of one international company and she offered me a job in the new company. A management job, with quite a lot of responsibility. I didn’t really have very high expectations for this positions as it seemed like just another finance job and not the kind of change I craved. But actually, to my big surprise I have actually enjoyed it. I have been there for almost a year now and it’s all going well, but maybe just a bit too comfortable and easy. I also found a nice new apartment that I love, I have really enjoyed redecorating it a lot. So all in all everything is kind of nice, all aspects of my life have been slowly improving. Nothing big and exiting but more like a slow and steady one step at a time kind of energy.

For quite some time I have kind of convinced myself and others that I’m not looking for any big changes anymore and that the slow quiet rhythm is the best. But lately I have been starting to question that again. I have been thinking a lot about the past 5 years and all the craziness and the strange journey you helped me with. And I wonder what it was all about and what the end result or goal was actually supposed to be and that maybe that stage is not yet completed as I had thought. I remember how you said at some point that you see that I’m past the half way mark and I was so disappointed because I thought I was close to the “finish line” If you have any thoughts on that, I’d love to hear them.

Finally, as Thanksgiving is approaching, I think it’s a good time to say again how grateful I am for all your help over the years. Hope you enjoy the holidays:)

Love,

K.

Hi Blmoon! Thank you for getting back to me, hard to find the posts here with all the spamming going on. No hurry with the reading, if you are not feeling well. Just after I posted my little update a new potential job opportunity came pretty much out of the blue as I had not been looking or applying for any jobs. One headhunter contacted me and told me about this job and asked me ig I would like to apply. I'm not even sure what to think about this but as it's a long process with many interviews I thought I will give it a try and see how far I will get. Love, K.

@blmoon
Hi Blmoon,

It’s been a long time, I hope everything is going well for you. The forum seems to be a bit better now with less spam. I know I promised to keep in touch, so I just wanted to give a quick update. Last time I mentioned a potential new job opportunity that came pretty much out of nowhere. Well, that didn’t work out in the end and actually it’s fine, as during the various interviews I had for the position, I realized how stressed out everyone were at that company due to the big work load, so maybe it was for the best. Soon after that, a friend offered me another opportunity to work as a part time editor for one beauty/fashion magazine. I kept my old job and just did that from the side, I loved the creative part of writing and organizing some photo shoots, but I also realized that I wouldn’t want to do that full time and that job ended in March due to some cut backs they had to do in the magazine. I do like my current job, as I have a lot of freedom and flexibility there to organize my own work, I have great colleagues and I don’t have to stress about money, but some new challenges would be great. Hopefully I can find another side job soon to try some new things, but I don’t yet know what that would be.

Other than that, I decided that it’s time to start focusing more on socializing and dating again and so I’ve been out with quite many guys in the past 10 months. I’ve met a lot of different people, most were nice enough to go on a few dates, a few were just horrible and 3 were very attractive to me. But so far nothing has come from that. I’m getting a bit concerned that nothing much has changed after all and I’m not sure what else I can do to get a different result. From the ones I liked, guy number one was physically very attractive, he’s a professional basketball player who has lived in many different places and I guess I was drawn to him because he was so passionate about what he does. We went on 3 dates, he was very charming at first, but it turned out he was a total player and has a family back in his own country, so he was just looking for fun while he lives and works here. Guy number two was a French businessman, who just recently moved here. He was in his late forties, so about 12 years older than me. He has also lived in many different places and travels a lot for work, but claimed that he wants to settle down now in one place, start a family and stop working so much. We dated for a few months and I liked him, I thought it was going well, but then suddenly he told me that he will now have to travel for at least for 2-3 months for work and that he doesn’t want me to put my life on hold for him and that we can see how it goes when he comes back. I said in that case I’m done and we haven’t been in contact since then. Guy number three is a Portuguese guy, an engineer, who has lived here for about 3 years. He made a big life change 3 years ago when he moved here, he got divorced, came here to study for a new career and started a new job about 6 months ago. At first I thought he’s not my type at all, more quiet and maybe even shy. Definitely not the tall, dark and handsome I would prefer, but I grew to like him. He has a good sense of humour and I liked how openly and patiently he answer all the questions I was asking him, even about the more difficult things in his life. However, after seeing him on and off for about 4 months now, I’m getting a feeling that this will not go anywhere either. He seems to just want to keep things casual and I’m not interested in that.
So, I guess my question is then what do I need to do differently to attract a real keeper? I think I have been trying to keep an open mind and go out with different kinds of people. Throughout this process I have actually changed my mind about many thing and qualities I thought were important to me but turned out not to be (and vice versa). But still, this feels like an endless testing period…

This turned out longer than I planned:)

Love,
K

@blmoon Blmoon,

Thank you for your quick reply. It did give me a lot to think about. I do remember the repeating themes and I have reread the old threads several times over the years. I remember that you said that that it’s almost impossible to change what attracts you, but as you become more aware, you should attract people who, like you, have done the work and are more aware of their own patterns. So I guess I’m a bit frustrated that I don’t see even that having changed. I also know that I need to be careful about not getting attached to men who are really not available, but that is not always so easy, as it’s not necessarily obvious WHY they are unavailable and sometimes contradicts what they say they want. I agree that the key would be to practice seeing the old patterns in play more clearly and just stop when the old painful feelings start to come up. Not easy to do, but I will keep working on that.

I think I’m also more at peace with the togetherness/solitude contradiction and I’m looking for different ways to make it work with all the relationships I have (friends, family, colleagues etc). I get what you say about not focusing too much in making it happen and that it should just come naturally. But I’m not sure I buy into that 100% any more. In my own experience, and form what I see around me, I think it is important to date many different people and be open to meeting someone new, not just believing that it will happen when it will happen. In fact, I think starting dating again has been very good to me in many ways. I didn’t go out on dates for several years, at first thinking that I’m not ready or not interested and later I didn’t even know why not. But when I finally did start dating again, I realized that there was actually a big fear related to that that I had to overcome. I was so anxious and nervous on the first few dates that I wanted to just leave, but I was committed to going at least on one date each month and I can say that by now I can meet someone new and enjoy a nice date even if I never plan to see that person again.

For sure part of the reason I’m thinking more about relationships and dating at this point is because all my friends are starting families, getting married and it seems that being a couple is the norm at my age. I also want all that, but I know I can’t force it. That is why I have put some much effort into building my life up again since I came back and I’m actually very pleased with the progress I have made in all other areas of my life. I guess I just need to trust that everything will work out for the best. Meanwhile, I’m getting a puppy next week, so I will have my hands full with that little bundle of joy.

Thank you again for your insight into all this!

Love,
K

@blmoon
Hi Blmoon,

It’s been a long time, I hope everything is going well for you. The forum seems to be a bit better now with less spam. I know I promised to keep in touch, so I just wanted to give a quick update. Last time I mentioned a potential new job opportunity that came pretty much out of nowhere. Well, that didn’t work out in the end and actually it’s fine, as during the various interviews I had for the position, I realized how stressed out everyone were at that company due to the big work load, so maybe it was for the best. Soon after that, a friend offered me another opportunity to work as a part time editor for one beauty/fashion magazine. I kept my old job and just did that from the side, I loved the creative part of writing and organizing some photo shoots, but I also realized that I wouldn’t want to do that full time and that job ended in March due to some cut backs they had to do in the magazine. I do like my current job, as I have a lot of freedom and flexibility there to organize my own work, I have great colleagues and I don’t have to stress about money, but some new challenges would be great. Hopefully I can find another side job soon to try some new things, but I don’t yet know what that would be.

Other than that, I decided that it’s time to start focusing more on socializing and dating again and so I’ve been out with quite many guys in the past 10 months. I’ve met a lot of different people, most were nice enough to go on a few dates, a few were just horrible and 3 were very attractive to me. But so far nothing has come from that. I’m getting a bit concerned that nothing much has changed after all and I’m not sure what else I can do to get a different result. From the ones I liked, guy number one was physically very attractive, he’s a professional basketball player who has lived in many different places and I guess I was drawn to him because he was so passionate about what he does. We went on 3 dates, he was very charming at first, but it turned out he was a total player and has a family back in his own country, so he was just looking for fun while he lives and works here. Guy number two was a French businessman, who just recently moved here. He was in his late forties, so about 12 years older than me. He has also lived in many different places and travels a lot for work, but claimed that he wants to settle down now in one place, start a family and stop working so much. We dated for a few months and I liked him, I thought it was going well, but then suddenly he told me that he will now have to travel for at least for 2-3 months for work and that he doesn’t want me to put my life on hold for him and that we can see how it goes when he comes back. I said in that case I’m done and we haven’t been in contact since then. Guy number three is a Portuguese guy, an engineer, who has lived here for about 3 years. He made a big life change 3 years ago when he moved here, he got divorced, came here to study for a new career and started a new job about 6 months ago. At first I thought he’s not my type at all, more quiet and maybe even shy. Definitely not the tall, dark and handsome I would prefer, but I grew to like him. He has a good sense of humour and I liked how openly and patiently he answer all the questions I was asking him, even about the more difficult things in his life. However, after seeing him on and off for about 4 months now, I’m getting a feeling that this will not go anywhere either. He seems to just want to keep things casual and I’m not interested in that.
So, I guess my question is then what do I need to do differently to attract a real keeper? I think I have been trying to keep an open mind and go out with different kinds of people. Throughout this process I have actually changed my mind about many thing and qualities I thought were important to me but turned out not to be (and vice versa). But still, this feels like an endless testing period…

This turned out longer than I planned:)

Love,
K

Hi Blmoon! Thank you for getting back to me, hard to find the posts here with all the spamming going on. No hurry with the reading, if you are not feeling well. Just after I posted my little update a new potential job opportunity came pretty much out of the blue as I had not been looking or applying for any jobs. One headhunter contacted me and told me about this job and asked me ig I would like to apply. I'm not even sure what to think about this but as it's a long process with many interviews I thought I will give it a try and see how far I will get. Love, K.

Hi Blmoon,

It’s been a long time… How have you been? I happened to look at the forum a few weeks ago and saw that you are back. I have thought about you over the past years, hoping that everything is going well for you. I took a long break myself, too much spam here.

I reread some of the last posts and obviously much has happened since then, mostly good things. I’m still in my home country. I gave up the search for a job abroad as that was not going anywhere. So I got a job in one of the embassies here instead. The position I got was really significantly below my skillset, but this whole diplomatic world seemed really interesting to me and looked very glamorous on the outside at least. I stayed there for a year, it was a very interesting experience, very different from all the other places I have worked. I really wanted to belong there, but it just wasn’t the right fit. I tried to apply to other positions there, but I didn’t get them and eventually I decided that this was a dead-end after all. But just then my boss also decided to change jobs, she was hired as the general manager of a local branch of one international company and she offered me a job in the new company. A management job, with quite a lot of responsibility. I didn’t really have very high expectations for this positions as it seemed like just another finance job and not the kind of change I craved. But actually, to my big surprise I have actually enjoyed it. I have been there for almost a year now and it’s all going well, but maybe just a bit too comfortable and easy. I also found a nice new apartment that I love, I have really enjoyed redecorating it a lot. So all in all everything is kind of nice, all aspects of my life have been slowly improving. Nothing big and exiting but more like a slow and steady one step at a time kind of energy.

For quite some time I have kind of convinced myself and others that I’m not looking for any big changes anymore and that the slow quiet rhythm is the best. But lately I have been starting to question that again. I have been thinking a lot about the past 5 years and all the craziness and the strange journey you helped me with. And I wonder what it was all about and what the end result or goal was actually supposed to be and that maybe that stage is not yet completed as I had thought. I remember how you said at some point that you see that I’m past the half way mark and I was so disappointed because I thought I was close to the “finish line” If you have any thoughts on that, I’d love to hear them.

Finally, as Thanksgiving is approaching, I think it’s a good time to say again how grateful I am for all your help over the years. Hope you enjoy the holidays:)

Love,

K.

Dear Blmoon,

Wishing you and your family a Christmas filled with love and happiness. I hope you enjoy all the good moments this holiday season brings and may the new year begin on a prosperous note.

Love,

K.

Hi Blmoon,

Well the job thing I mentioned didn’t work out after all. I have a few other options in the air at the moment, 2 actual offers here in my country, but unexpected delays just keep coming up all the time. I’m beyond frustrated with all this.

To spice things up, life has thrown in another curve ball. My parents have decided to divorce and sell the family home. My father had been abroad for many years and came back in august. I had been under the impression that he had changed his old ways and maybe he and my mother could work things out and perhaps grow old together. Turns out that instead of that his behavior is more outrageous than ever before. He has multiple mistresses and he just lies to everyone all the time. So now my mother decided to give him 6 months to clear up and sell all the stuff that he has accumulated over the years and move out. The house belongs to my mother, so she just wants to sell the place and find a new place that is more suitable for one person. As for my father, I have no idea what happens to him, he just turned 60 this weekend and I think maybe some of his behavior is related to his fear of getting older, but I really don't understand him. I remember you told me a few months ago that you see some kind of a friction between 2 people close to me, but you did not really say much more. Any ideas on that?

Love,

K.

Hi Blmoon,

How are you? I hope everything is going well and you feel healthier.

Sorry for not writing for so long, but as you predicted September was important and busy, although I don't know yet how it will all work out. Back in the summer I applied to the organization I really want to work for and had almost forgotten about the application, when suddenly they contacted me in the beginning of Sept to tell me I had been short-listed for the position and invited me to take a written test. So I prepared like crazy for that and took the test, then just rested for a week because I was really tired from the effort. After a week they told me I had passed the test and invited me to the interview, again I prepared like crazy for a week and had the interview in the end of Sept. But I haven't heard back from them yet, which is expected, even if they would choose me they would do a thorough background check before they would make an offer. So now I'm on the waiting mode again. I really hope that they would choose me, but even if they don't I'm just glad to have gotten so far in the process, they have hundreds of candidates so it's very difficult to get even to the interview. I was seriously starting to think that I'm crazy to believe I could get the kind of high profile job I want, but now I think that it might not be impossible after all, just very-very difficult...if that is any reason to be hopeful:)

Wishing you a beautiful autumn.

Love,

K.

Hi Blmoon,

The house can only be used in the summer as it has no heating, so it's not really possible to rent it out. I hope the travel reference turns out to be something positive, but I have no idea what it could be.

I haven't seen or spoken to my father for a while, however he will be coming back in about 2 weeks and I don't really know what he plans to do next. But other than that, I don't know of any friction between family members.

Love,

K.

Hi Blmoon,

I know about the meditation, I started it too. I have done the last 3-4 ones they offered during the last year. I mostly like it because it reminds me to take some quiet time for meditation. I like to do them in the morning.

The place where I took the photo is a small village, there is a lovely chapel near the beach and a port but that's about it, no shops or anything, some fishermen live there permanently but mostly people go there only for the summer. I would not live there, but its a good place to relax and connect with the nature. My sister and I decided to start renovating the little house my family has there, so maybe I will go there more in the future.

The only way to move would have to be through work, I can't afford to travel much and I miss that a lot. I have some applications still pending, but I'm not being overly optimistic anymore.

Love,

K.

Hi Blmoon,

It’s been a while, I hope you are doing well and enjoying the summer. This summer has been incredibly hot here with hardly any rain. I was thinking about you when I saw the beautiful supermoon. I’ll attach a photo I took on the beach. I was spending 3 weeks there to get away from the city and forget all the problems for a while and rejuvenate. I think that is the place where I feel very relaxed and happy.

Now I’m back in the city and will start the job search again. I have pretty much given up the idea of going abroad for now, I feel I have put so much energy in that idea, but its just not going my way at all. I wonder if I haven’t seen some good opportunities or that road is really closed for me. What do you think? The job market here should pick up some speed in the end of august, so maybe I’ll find something here at least for now, until I figure out what direction I should take next.

Love,

K.