One last question if you wouldn't mind. I have some books and a dvd and three small gifts he's given me (one a lovely little purse that belonged to his grandmother). I've had them boxed up since the last time he did this...in anticipation of mailing them back to him along with a note he had written to me once.

In other words, everything I have in my possession that has anything to do with him I was prepared to send back. A friend told me a while ago not to send them unless I was truly ready to say goodbye. In sending these things to him I am hoping the message is that I don't want anything of his, gift or otherwise. Your opinion one way or another?

Thank you kindly.

Thank you for your honesty...brutal though it was. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach when I read your reply. And even in knowing that this is more than likely the truth, my mind doesn't quite want to wrap entirely around it. After all I've read about cancer men and their disappearing acts on this blog, I think I was hoping that your response would be that he is scared (which is what he has said). I guess I don't want to believe that a man who one week ago said I was the most important thing in his life and that he loved me is simply using me.

You are certainly right that I have allowed myself to be treated like a doormat. And each time I believed things would be different. I just don't understand how a person could treat another person's heart and mind so cavalierly and cruelly, which is what made me wonder if it was my own karma at play here. This is really devastating. I feel embarrassed and stupid. But truth...honesty is all I want and need.

Thank you.

Kcee

Hello to whomever is kind enough to read this and possibly help me. I'm basically new to the blogs and I am in serious need of a reading regarding my situation with, dare I say, a cancer man who I've been seeing for nearly 7 months. It feels like the movie groundhogs day in that the same thing keeps happening over and over. He loves me, he misses me, he comes over, spends the night, then leaves with a promise to call me or see me later and he literally cuts off contact for days, weeks, even up to a month until I write via text, or send a heartfelt letter in the mail. Then he apologizes, says he does love and miss me and doesn't know why he does this. For the past three months this has happened in the same way each time. I have read most of the topics on cancer men and that has been quite helpful. However, this time feels different for me because while I am still hurt, sad, and confused...I feel more numb or neutral and I can't put my finger on it.

It crossed my mind today that perhaps there is some curse or some karma I have that causes this to happen every time he walks out my door. I have cried and apologized to God and the Universe for whatever I have done and whomever I have hurt in the past that would bring this upon my life. I profoundly love this man and feel connected to him in a way I've never experienced, and he has told me the same towards me. I am simply at a loss for understanding.

I am a Leo woman 8/18/61, with a scorpio moon and gemini rising. He is a cancer, 7/20/71. Our age difference has never been an issue between us...at least as far as I know.

Please, I need guidance and direction. I am scared by the numbness I am feeling inside.

Thank you so much to anyone who would kindly help me. Should I reach out specifically to The Captain everyone writes so highly of?

Kcee

Dear Ana, I know you are right...I have been overthinking this for far too long. You have really helped me with your those last thoughts. He is self-absorbed right now, and maybe he will be there (and maybe he won't). The only difference in what you said is that I have not been over-talking it with others. I haven't shared anything about him with anyone...I have dealt with this all alone and that has been the hardest thing. If I'm guilty of over-talking or over-thinking it with anyone, it is with myself alone. Right now I believe you are right...it is a love/hate. I want to say I don't like this feeling...I hate it. But I need to dig deep as you say and determine if there is something in this drama I am feeding off of. If so, it is extremely unhealthy, and I do need to heal myself emotionally. I guess I just hate the feeling that our "story" remains unfinished because neither one of us has had the courage to say out loud that we want all the way out. And I resent that it seems he is forcing me to make the call by cowardly retreating without so much as a word. I will not send him his things or his gifts to me. And I won't even send the letter I've been writing and rewriting for 7 days. Heavy sigh.

Bless you so much dear Ana. I only wish I could express my gratitude for your time and your heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you...

Oh, Ana...I have been rewriting this letter for days. This whole situation is almost making me feel ill. We are not long distance, we are very close in proximity. Truly I don't know if anyone else is in the picture for him. He says not. He says he gets depressed and feels like things are always going wrong in his life and he doesn't want to burden me with his depression. I don't know if I believe him. But maybe because I'm a Leo I naturally assume he's seeing someone else. I simply can't imagine not talking to someone you love for WEEKS at a time. I just don't know if I can handle feeling like I'm "chasing" him. It smacks of desperation on my part. I lose self respect and become angry at myself. And no, it isn't what I really want...to end things. But at the same time if I don't take a Major Stand it seems like he will think I'm a doormat...too easy...too accommodating. Does that make any sense? I'm at my wits end. I would love to be able to show him my emotion face to face. But that would mean I would have to make contact with him because he has not contacted me in 10 days...after standing in my doorway hugging me saying "I'll call you later," his catch phrase that has absolutely no meaning whatsoever. Writing these things makes me cry and feel so stupid...

Bless you, Ana.

Thank you Ana for your honesty, brutal though it was : ) Sorry for the delay in my response, my sister came by for a little while. I definitely agree that it's a mess and a drama and it isn't healthy. As a matter of fact, I have used that exact term "emotional rollercoaster" in thinking about it because that's what it feels like with the constant up and down. And yes, I agree that he's looking for a mother figure. Even though that is one of the things he doesn't like about his own mom, that she still tries to "mother" him, but really I think he likes it. What do you mean you think he "hates that I let him leave"? I have written a two-page letter that I am prepared to send to him along with the things of his that I have (four books that he loves, a dvd) and I was also going to send back the gifts he's given me. I'm trying to make a statement that I'm over this game he plays. If you still have time, please share your thoughts. Much appreciated!! By the way, if it's any help, I have a gemini rising and a scorpio moon with leo as my sun sign.

Hi Addictedtoriches! Yes, yes, and yes...I desperately need relationship advice. I have been "dating" a cancer man (7/20/71) for the past six months, and it has been mostly on again, off again and right now it seems he's backed off...again!! : ( I am a leo woman 8/18/61) We have had the most incredible "connection" that surprised both of us because it was by chance that we met at a store, but had been neighbors for a couple years and never pursued each other. Anyway, I'm new to this so I don't know how much more info you would need. I vascillate between feeling broken-hearted and angry that he has done this (and I have allowed it) to happen again. He didn't contact me for almost a month the last time, came back with another apology "my life is a mess" blah, blah, things were okay for a week or two, and now he hasn't called, texted, nothing in over a week. Same pattern as always. Oh, and of course when he came back after the month of disappearing he said he knows it's love, he's just scared of it. Oh, brother. I feel like such a fool. And yet I can't get him out of my head. It seems he's horrible for me, but I am crazy in love with him. Or maybe just crazy : ( Can you offer me ANY advice. Thank you soooooo much in advance! Kaycee