Thank you Allcancerallday: I would love to do the things you have suggested but Mom and Dad were hoarders so I am in the process of clearing out the house and yard before I could EVER ask someone to come in and help me. The house is in total disrepair and it seems to be just as demanding as Mom. I pack a box and Mom empties it out telling me I am stealing all of her GOOD stuff. Then the arguements, accusations and tears start. I understand that she is trying to hold on to the memories she still has but the house needs to be THROUGHLY cleaned and painted, the furniture all needs to replaced, along with many other things that are broken or just plain don't work (and haven't for years). If the state were to come in here the house would be condemend because of the problems. She is quite happy to lie on the sofa and let the house fall down around her, she has no problem living like this. I guess she did this for so many years this is an acceptable way of life for her. I do have a brother who lives close by but he is absolutely no help to me. I have asked him to please take her for a day, just to give me a break, but his ONLY responsibility is to collect the checks and pay the bills. He reminds me that he did this for 3 years prior to me coming to live with Mom. "He put in his time", as he puts it. 6 days a week he spent about 1 hour a day collecting mail and made her breakfast then would leave to go back to his own home leaving Mom to fend for herself the rest of the day. Somehow 1 hour a day doesn't make much of a difference for her, I'm here 24/7/365. I don't think he ever helped her get into the shower or do any personal grooming. At least one time per month he would send his youngest daughter over to do her laundry and run the vacuum. On Saturdays he does take her to get her hair done but she is only gone for 2 hours. She buys him lunch for taking her out, or believe me she would be back home before that. Before I came if Mom wanted to go out in her Pajamas it was just fine with him, he would take her in her PJ's. I won't let that happen. She had lost more than 90 pounds and was wearing the same clothing, she looked like a BAG LADY when he took her out. He just didn't care. I do. Needless to say I went out and bought her new clothing to wear and struggle to get her to bathe at least one time per week. Since I am living in Mom's home I do not feel I need to take any of her money nor does my brother ever offer. I am living on a very small income from the death of my late husband so hiring someone to come in and sit with her is totally out of the question. IIknow I need some time for me I just can't seem to figure out where or how to find it. Thanks again for the suggestions.
Best posts made by KarenH61
Latest posts made by KarenH61
RE: All Things Cancer
RE: All Things Cancer
Hello fellow Cancers: I am quite a bit older than most of you who are writing about themselves but I needed someone to hear my voice. I was born on July 12th 1947 at 8:28AM. I have no idea what my Moon or any of the other rising signs are but I really need to talk for the moment. My late husband who 11 years older than myself was another Cancer, we were together for more than 28 years before he passed away from Lung cancer. I miss him everyday, he was my true soul mate. Almost a year later I met a man who was a Sag. he was 11 years my junior. We spent almost 7 years together. I thought we had a match made in heaven and was gloriously happy. He on the other hand did not, when my money ran out he left me for another widow who is 3 years my junior but looks very much like myself. They were as he put it, "JUST FRIENDS" until the day he packed his bags and left to go and live with her in another state. He had planned this for almost a year. Seems everyone knew but me. It has been more than 2 years now and I am pretty well over this and learned a huge lesson in life and all about how Cancers give too much when they love. I walked away from my home in another state to come back to the state I was born in to live in my childhhod home to take care of my Mother who has Altzheimers Disease. I love my Mom and enjoy taking care of her and keeping her well ...most of the time. But lately I am feeling very trapped and extremely unhappy. I feel like I want to run and never turn back. I know I have obligations to my family and myself. Mom dedicated her life to us growing up and NOW needs help doing almost everything. Financially I cannot run nor would I ever do this to her. She would have never done this to us growing up. I am totally out of my element by not being in my own home and as I said before am very unhappy. I have completly withdrawn from the outside world and have become very depressed and alone. I have always been a very people oriented person and hate what I have become. I have not done this intentionally it has just happened. My finances are in the worst shape they have ever been and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel in sight. I was living in another state for more than 38 years so when I returned to my childhood home all of my friends have either passed away or moved. I don't even know my next door neighbor. No, I did not expect the neighborhood to be the same but I did expect to know at least one person in town. I have tried the online dating scene and found that it is just a game for the men I have met. I'm far from an unattractive woman but I have gained weight which isn't unusual for a Cancerian especially when they are depressed. I am a very sexual and outgoing woman and miss the person I was along with the male companionship . I was a business owner for more than 18 years, so I am not a stupid or a lazy person and miss my contact with other people. I don't know how to emerse from this fog I am in and don't seem to see any resolutions in sight. I was brought up that family comes first and am trying to live up to that. I feel like I loose a little of me everyday by not doing something but I don't know what to do to fix this. Has this happened to anyone else out there so that I know I am not alone? .
RE: Cancer male has me clueless...
To the gal with Cervical cancer:
You have never told us if your Cancer is under control or how early it was detected.
Cancer is a very scary word to most people and an even scarier word to a man who is a Cancer. Cancer men are ones who never forget nor do they forgive easily. I have a feeling that your Cancer man is very scared and confused about possibly loosing another person that he loves dearly. For him the easiest way to stop this is to withdrawl from the entire personal affair. I know this may sound very hard and almost cowardly but this is a typical reaction for most, when possibly loosing a person who they care about. I am truely praying that your Cancer has been caught early and is under control. Believe me when I tell you your Cancer man is heartbroken. He is confused and afraid. Please remember that Cancer people need to retreat into their shells when they are threatened for protection. I know that you need his understanding and compassion right now but he also needs yours. You need to take care of yourself first. I'm not going to try to fill you full of false hope and tell you he will come back, if things are ment to be they are ment to be. I truely do believe you two will meet again. Good luck, my prayers are with you