Hey there! Wow, I've just spent the last four+ hours reading this forum; truly insightful!!
I've got to tell you all that I have recently come into contact (very facetious way of putting this actually!) with a Cancer man. . . for the first time actually.
Let me share with you all just a bit about me and I would absolutely love to hear your feedback and any advice you can share with me. I am 50 years old and am an "old soul." People are shocked when I tell them my age as I can easily pass for 35 - 37. Genetics play a big part actually. In addition, I take care of myself physically and have taught aerobics for years. Please don't misunderstand me as I'm not at all arrogant or narcissistic in ANY way, believe me. I am very independent, strong-willed (Taurus - go figure!), have post graduate degrees and own my own company - I'm no dumby! I have always gotten a lot of attention from the opposite sex and usually intimidate most men, from what I'm told anyway. What I'm trying to tell you is that I've "been around the block a few times" and have a really good head on my shoulders - out of years of practice! I'm certainly not desperate nor am I lonely. Having said this . . . this Cancer man has absolutely "thrown me for a loop" and I truly do not know quite how to handle this guy.
This man contacted me on a dating site about six weeks ago telling me that he was relocating to my area. Our initial communications were via email and phone, with calls lasting up to 11+ hours no kidding! He is extremely articulate and very eloquent and can actually speak from his heart - truly amazing unlike most men! We had the amazing connection, unlike NEITHER of us had ever experienced . . . did I say that I've been around the block; yes I have! After ten days or so of talking daily for HOURS we made arrangements to actually meet in person. We were both like teenagers; the excitement and anticipation was incredible! We had fallen for eachother even before we had actually met. It's amazing as it's normally the physical chemistry that attracts us to one another intially. This was just the opposite which made our connection even more incredible in my opinion. I know myself . . . the physical attraction was and is very important to me and can/has at times "muddied the waters" if you know what I mean. When we actually came face to face, the magic was truly breathtakingly obvious - this is IT, this is the ONE! Movies are made and books are written about this! I knew that I knew that I knew and so did he. . . getting the picture?! Does any of this sound familiar?!? We had connected on not only a spiritual but an intellectual AND a physical level. We are so very much alike in so many ways; our beliefs, morals, ethics, etc. If I were a man I'd be him and if he were a woman he'd be me - we know this. He just turned 50 yesterday (this probably has someting to do with the issues!) and I turned 50 May 18th so we're not kids. We both are truly looking for the love of our lives and want to again be married some day. He has actually said that "when we're married . . ." and has all of these plans for us.
Here's where it gets interesting . . . we live about 55 miles apart. He has just relocated to the area and is literally "starting over." One of the reasons as to why he is now in the area is to be closer to his family. He has been very ill for the past year+. He has spent an enormous amount of $$ to try and determine his diagnosis with no success. He didn't want me to know this as he thought that I would not want to stick around so he withheld this from me initially. He actually told me that "I'm dying!" (are these guys hypochondriacs to a degree?!) I personally think that now that he's actually seeing the "right" doctors, his true diagnosis is right around the corner. (I believe he has Celiac Disease quite honestly after studying his symptoms and doing some online research. Over 3 million Americans have this but only 100K have actually been diagnosed - pretty interesting as it's a food allergy! Very severe as it can completely debilitate the afflicted individual!) He feels like he's a dead man walking and has basically ended this incredible connection that we have completely!! Why the heck did he even contact me if he truly thinks that he's dying?!?!? Because he loves me so much he feels that he cannot give me what I truly deserve. Doesn't matter that I have told him that I'm not going anywhere and that I would do absolutely everything and anything for him! We have only actually seen eachother a total of five times and immediately following our times together he pushes me away emotionally. He's so very insecure emotionally - I've never experienced this. This is becoming utterly exausting and yes it's only been five+ weeks so I cannot even imagine having to go through this as for the amount of time / years! that many of you have had to endure! Wow, God Bless You!
He can be fairly abrasive with his words to me, which I was actually taken back with and has said that he wants no more communication at all as "there is somebody better for me." He has also said that "I'm too intelligent and too classy of a woman to want to hang onto him - don't make a fool of myself!" and . . . "if I tried to contact him he would regret ever having met me!" Wow . . . such insecurity - is this how these guys behave AND if so how do I handle this type of behavior?!?! I have said that my heart is simply too fragile to deal with his emotions as he refuses to BELIEVE ME and BELIEVE IN ME when it comes to my feelings for him. He keeps pushing me away every time we get closer and I said at one point that if he keeps pushing me away, it's going to eventually WORK! He knows that I'm extremely independent and that I get a lot of attention from men and has mentioned this quite a bit. I have said that because of his so called lack of belief in how I feel for him there is no trust between us therefore we cannot have a truly loving relationship. Because of this I have in essence said goodbye and have wished him the very best BUT . . . my heart cannot let go (and intuitively feel that he'll be back again!)
Is this a Cancer pattern here?! Just shoot me or find me a tree and a rope (lol) as I don't know if I have the staying power for this, especially if this is going to happen time and time again!?There is absolutely no question that we have incredible feelings for eachother. I just recently met his sister whom he is very close to. He said that it was one of the most important days in his life as we would eventually be "family." I have yet to meet his parents but he has already spoken at length to them as well about me so his feelings are genuine.
I will NOT contact him even at my weakest moment (God help me!) BUT . . . should I? I know that he's going through some pretty tough stuff right now with his health as he has always been a very vibrant, energetic man and extremely successful man. Does he need to hear from me? As of now, I have sent him info regarding what I "think" his affliction is via email so that he can be tested for it. I have agreed to honor and respect the fact that he no longer wants any communication with me. I have only asked for him to share with me the diagnosis if and when he gets one as I truly care for him.
What do you guys think as I'm really new in dealing with a Cancer Man?!?!
Thank you all so very much for taking the time and I am so looking forward to hearing what you have to say!! With prayers and positive energy to you all!