Actually, he may have been born in Trenton, NJ but I'm prettty sure it's Philly. Anything to say about someone that was in my life born September 12, 1982 in Philadelphia, PA? I was told by Joseph Tittle some time ago that I was going to meet a man in a bar with tattoos and a son and he saw marriage in the near future. That was 2-3 yeats ago. Perhaps this hasn't happened yet or I screwed up a path somewhere along the way? Wtf is wrong with me? lol. Hoping someone has an answer forme out there cuz I've been searching within for QUITE some time and i'm not coming up with ANYTHINNNNG :0(
Best posts made by JoyousAquarius13
Latest posts made by JoyousAquarius13
RE: So confused! Not sure where I'm going right now :-/
So confused! Not sure where I'm going right now :-/
After all of the failed relationships I've experienced, I've finally met a man that treats me the way I should be treated. He's sweet, he's caring but.... as of the 31st of this month it will be a year, we live together and everything and I still can't bring myself to say "I love you" and I keep coming across sad memories of bad relationships from the past. I can't even say whether I'm in love with him or not! I have love for him but I don't believe I'm in love with him. I honestly can't put my finger on exactly HOW I feel about him. Sometimes I get so annoyed or angry over little things - or maybe they're not so little? I don't know, but when I think about my future with him, like, whether I would marry him - for once in my life I cannot picture it at all whatsoever. He's such a good man but I get so frustrated over financial reasons, pet peeves and so on. Just recently I learned that an "old flame" that I tried to work things out with in my life twice is now in a relationship with someone. I don't even know the woman, yet she commented on a facebook status of his from back in 2009 that I had commented on, almost as a direct blow to me to make it obvious that they're together. At first it seemed so childish ad I kinda laughed to myself thinking.... really? Are you threatened by me for some reason, to the point where you feel the need to "poke" at me?? HA! Then it really started to bother me. It brought back old memories, like the pain I felt when things started to really go sour, up to when I finally had just "lost it" and moved on. What if's and maybe's started to fill my head and I kept thinking to myself, why am I wasting the energy to bother thinking about this?! Ugh I don't know. I don't even know what rought me back to this forum to say anything at all, I guess I'm just waiting for someone to feel a connection to me an feel compelled to give me an answer to this junk going on in my head. I feel withdrawn, like I don't have feelings at all anymore sometimes... like I'm on autopilot. I don't know what to do with my life at all at this point. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to just know what the hell I should be doing here on this earth and who the hell is out there for me if there's someone else even out there. Have I found him? Is this the life I'm supposed to have? What cards are being dealt for me out there? When am I ever going to have a clue?? I just don't know but I'm tired of feeling a fire burning inside and not knowing which direction the wind is blowing to spread it! SO confused. If anyone out there has some sort of insight or message for me, Im here. Again!
If this helps, my bday is February 13, 1984. Born in Passaic, NJ @ 12:41 am. He was born in Philadelphia, PA, March 5, 1983. Not sure what time.
And that's another thing! I was adopted and I've finally made the decision to try to find my biological mother and I have no idea whether that's a good idea or not. Is this something I should go through with? I'm a mess. I've been battling an identity crisis for years inside but to the outside world I'm such a unique person, if I were to tell someone that I know that sometimes I don't know who I am, they'd laugh at me and never take me seriously. I feel like I'm 2 different people in 1 body. I can't seem to make my mind up about anything, ever. :0( :0(
RE: Watergirl - a continuation from our previous conversation...
P.S. Even more confusing, BOTH of these men are "unavailable" in some way. And both are Virgo men. This could also be what makes this all so confusing. jeeeeezzzz!!!!!
Watergirl - a continuation from our previous conversation...
I hope that you had a wonderful holiday filled with love, memories and wondrful times :0)
I never responded to the last thing you said to me, which was this:
We all have our obstacles to overcome as we journey down our path in life and he has to overcome this one on his own. What I mean to say is, when he is ready he will reach out for help or seek help with his addictions - all the "love" and "support" and "coddling" you want so much to give him will not get him there. It has to come from within him. Unfortunately, the person usually has to hit rock bottom first. THIS IS NOT YOUR WOUND TO HEAL. Your wound is about your own self-worth. Deep down, you think you need someone who is "broken" and you need to ask yourself why. Focus on YOU. If you truly love him then you can send him love and healing without being in contact with him and without needing anything in return. In "Eat, Love, Pray" the guy from Texas at the Ashram told the main character who was struggling with this issue that whenever a thought of this person came into her head, to "send him love and light and then DROP IT." It's good advice....
As far as your guides and angels....meditation! Talk to them and ask for their help and then be open to the signs you receive.
I want to thank you for all of that. You are absolutely right, and it is good advice to be taken. To give you an update on the situation, D is now with his coworker. He IS unavailable, and it is quite possible that this is exactly why you sensed that he was, and to go even further that he could be with someone else. It is all still very confusing. I will let you in on the reason why.
I had meantioned to you before that prior to your insight on the situation, I had eliminated the man that I was seeing prior to D (whom I referred to as M) from my life. HE was the one that made me feel so inadequate - as if I was being used only to satisfy himself, and now just recently we crossed paths again and I asked him again to please stay away from me and from anyone else I am associated with. Its odd, because the way you described what you felt about D, that my angels were telling me to stay away from him, that he uses me to make himself feel better and that he is cocky and charismatic on the outside but that on the inside he has serious issues - this COMPLETELY describes what I have already and am currently realizing about M. Just as you were confused between the 2 men, I am now confused as to whether this really is D that my angels are warning against, and not D. Granted, D may have sent me that disturbing text to "F@#$ off" but it is NOTHING compared to what M did to me recently. As a matter of fact, by way of facebook status, he did EXACTLY what you said D would do - he made an extremely egotisical comment about me for everyone to see, without using my name, SOLELY for the purpose of making himself feel better about me pushing him out of my life. Now I'M confusd, bc D has NEVER done such a thing to me, he has only been on non-speaking terms with me. And the txt I wrote to him when he said F off - his friends didn't even know he even said that bc he doesn't speak of me to them, or anyone that I know of for that matter. I just don't see D as being the man that is using me to make himself feel better, and though he does have some issues, M seems to fit that bill 10 time more than D ever could. Now I'm starting to think that its M that i need to stay away from, as I strongly feel is correct at this point, rather than not having feelings for D. I obviously must move on from D either way, I care for him and must let him go and I fully intend not to continue going to the same bar for sake of seeing him, let alone him and her together, but what I'm wondering is, could it be possible that as confusing as it has been, that perhaps D actually IS the one you said would be unavailable yet later things would change and M is the one I need to stay away from and the one that may come back as a "sexual conquest"? I truly could see M doing that to me but not D. Its all VERY confusing. I don;t know which is bad and which actually is good despite the mishaps but D really seems to be MUCH less threatening to my self-worth than M. Overall, I have learned my lesson in self worth but D was not the one to teach it to me - it was deinitely M. D on the other hand, he has made me want to be the best I can be. I still truly feel that we are not together not only bc he is with someone else, but that this is the time I have been given to prepare myself to be ready in mind and soul for whomever or whatever is to come. And the summer still sticks out to me as being a monumental time, as you had said before, things would smooth out then. Any thoughts on this? I hope hings can be a little clearer. This has been so confusing. I'm concerned that I'm ruling out the wrong person in SOME way,
Pleae. take your time to get back to me. I understand that you are very busy and at times, need your rest so whenever you can get around to this it would be much appreciated.
As always, thank you so so much for all of your insight. I truly means a lot to me.
With much love,
Also, just to add - it's very hard for me letting go bc I know hes literally killing himself. He's 30 and has high blood pressure, drinks far more than he should and I know he does pills. He told me that he didn't care about himself, he'll never have enough money to travel to the places he wants to travel and do the things he wants to do so if he ever died of an overdose he would know that he died a happy man. This hurts me so badly. Besides myself, I'm telling you - hes a good man. And worth so much more. Why must he feel this way :0(
Ur absolutely right. I keep falling for men that are less than perfect bc I find happiness in helping them see themselves and what they're capable of - then they leave me high and dry. I just always feel that I'm understanding and can let my guard down far enough to say hey, I'm not perfect either. I just always feel that someday one of these men WON'T take me for granted and realize my meaning behind it - not to have them think I'm just low in self worth.
And you're right. He DOES have SERIOUS intimacy issues. He started to become more and more distant and cold the minute I showed that I liked him more than I initially acted. He was like a lovesick puppy when I was "whatever" about him. Now I'm the lovesick puppy. It makes me sick to realize how many times I've been down the same road. I really thought he was different. He's just the same guy in a different body. Shame on them for treating me the way they do - shame on me for allowing them to.
I'm going to try my best to stop caring so much as hard as it is for me. I feel like I'm giving up on something with great potential because I put so much energy into it. Maybe thats just what has been screwing me up. It still makes me SO sad. Its hard to get away from him - I see him everywhere and I can't handle his eyes on me. My heart beats soooo rapidly for him :0( I really wish he were different
Thnak you for all of your insight. I really appreciate it. You've said the same things that others on this site have said to me so it has to be a sign. Please wish me luck.
P.S. How do I get in touch with my angels?? Is this possible??
I was afraid of this.
I can sense that from him myself, I KNOW he is depressed, I KNOW he has serious issues, especially since the loss of his father, and I KNOW I can't "save" him. I DO believe that to save himself it has to come from within and I've always been "that woman" that can see inside of a man and love him for the man I know he can be. This is where I get myself in trouble.
I have a belief that I can at least help him see what he has to do or see that he has a serious problem that needs to be addressed by not giving up and one day being able to tell him look, I know who you try to be on the outside and you're not fooling anyone. Its hard to explain but I've ALWAYS ended up sticking it out until one day I would stop trying and a year, 2 years later - whatever amount of time, the man ALWAYS comes back to tell me how I was right, how I was such a good woman for seeing that and how sorry they were for treating me the way they did. Its like a part of me KNOWS I'm worth SOMETHING, theres something within me that is very magnetic and very powerful I just don't know exactly what it is or how to use it without putting myself down so low. But really, I've always been that woman. And for once, I felt that this man KNOWS this about me but cannot bring himself to just face his demons and give in. It makes me so angry and so sad - he was the best man I've ever had - until he started getting so weird. At first when he broke it off with me he started becoming so shy and awkward - slowly but surely he started to come to me and say hello and goodbye. Even leaned in a kissed me one night Then one day it vanished. He's been so cold and now he completely ignores my existence..
I just don't understand why every man does this to me. I'm too wonderful of a woman to be treated nicely then just dropped the way I have been. Just when I think I've found a man that can just treat me right and keep on that way, a switch is flicked and I'm suddenly disregarded. It just doesn't make sense - there are so many women that are like me that DON'T get this kind of treatment and there are so many women that are just plain rude and undeserving and STILL get better treatment.... it makes NO sense. At all.
I've been working on myself. I'm currently trying to move out of my parent's house and going to the gym, all of that jazz. Even after all of this I just don't believe that he's going to be this way for the rest of his life. I still feel that I have the power to at least help him become aware. I just don't see us continuing to live in this parallel universe we live in forever. His sister barely knows me and still initiates conversation with me on Facebook. Asks me how I'm doing, specific things about my apartment search and things of that nature - she's actually interested in having a friend of mine do pictures for his neice's 1st birthday even. I don't understand why she and all of his friends still talk to me the way they do. Granted, I am a popular person by definition and well-liked and respected but it just baffles my mind how his own friends will leave him sitting at the bar to come and talk to me! And I would love to know why his friends make it a point to keep me aware of how badly D is doing. It makes me so so upset to hear this.
I don't care that he told me to "F off" I still can't help but think that he doesn't know how else to deal with me but to be mean. He's dated b*tches and drug addicts but then he meets me, a sweet, compassionate, understanding woman and he decides to be this mean? His friend once told me, "you know, I reeeeally don't think D knows how to deal with how cool you are about all of this. I dunno how bad his past relationships were but I do know that they were definitely less than perfect" I believe it! I feel like he doesn't want to like me bc hes too busy being so self-destructive so instead hes mean to me to ward me off. I used to point out his flaws very slightly without even meaning to - like when he was drinking one time, I said, "man, you really took that one down quick!" just being funny, I wasn't even complaining and he said "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO NEGATIVE?" WHOA there, buddy - way to act guilty of being an alcoholic.... I didn't even mean it that way.
Watergirl, I can't help but to feel that he pushes me away bc he knows I'm too good for him and he knows that I know he's a mess. I feel like he doesn't want me to be a part of his world bc he's so ashamed of it. I seriously feel that if he would just wake up and realize that I'm the type of woman he always should have been with things would be different and I'm not saying I can make him do that bc I can't. I'm powerless in this situation but my heart it still with him. He just seems like a big baby to me that in reality wants to cry on someone's shoulder - if he would let them in. And he won't. There's gotta be a way to wake him up :0(
I'm just a woman that can see through people and can give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm very forgiving, very understanding and I've been applauded for this many times in my lifetime - I can't just not be "me". This is so very hard for me not to be
P.S. I saw him at the bar tonight. I play Quizzo on Tuesdays. I used to never see him there on Tuesdays until after he ended our 2 month rendez vous. He did a lot of staring (per usual) and even watched a guy talk to me, yet not 1 word was spoken! He's a killer I tell ya...