Being a stepparent is extremely hard. I took the challenge when my husband's daughter was 5. He loves to remind me that I'm the only mom she's ever had. She wound up in CPS care just before our wedding because the guardians her father chose for her (after his ex girlfriend--the mother--abused her) while he was on military duty abused her and the CPS worker neglected to inform him . We couldn't find her for a long time. We've been through hell with her, legally, medically, ethically, morally, etc. I wouldn't give it up for the world. It is hard to know what to do when I am watching my 18 year old stepdaughter destroy herself (she asserts her independence with drugs and prostitution while being a mental age of 10 (the state never addressed her mental issues and mandated that she be kicked out of the system -- I'm medically disabled and can't care for her on my own while he's a long haul truck driver --our only dependable source of income -- and can't take her on the road with him to care for her because she'll run off in some other state). Yet , as hard as it is for me to stepparent her, it is even harder to be a partner in her father's life because he has his strong feelings and passions, and I would never cross them, but I have to balance him to bring him back to reality to think of what's best for her instead of what FEELS right for him.

Don't look at it as turning your back. You are helping him find himself and figure out what he really wants and needs (just like you are giving yourself). When my ex and I broke up, we tried for our daughter's sake to rebuild the relationship, but we couldn't. I took the time to focus on me and on my needs, feelings, self-improvement, etc, and shut him out. The end result was that I found someone who loves me for me, has never cheated on or beaten me, and who considers my daughter to be his. She is very happy with my husband now, while she has a great relationship with my ex. If I had not released my ex to his own designs and me to mine, I would never have found this wonderful man. I think women tend to hang onto and fix relationships that are best fixed from far away. G-d bless!

I know nothing about Tarot, but I know my heart. Even if I was head over heals for someone, I would not be with him if he had at the time we met or for even a moment after we met, another partner in his life. My ex cheated on me for 10 years, and I would not want to be the "other woman" or the victim of that. If he can't be loyal to her, he won't be loyal to you. I may be his Ms. Right and we may be destined for each other, but not while someone else is around or there is a recent breakup (rebounds are horrible and short lived). Use your own best skills to make yourself happy and the right person will enter your life without that sort of baggage. If you have a specific faith, let your deity lead the way. From the deepest part of my faith, May G-d bless you, keep you happy and safe, and give you strength. Remember, you are not alone.

Wow, you people are wonderful! I just read everyone's post, and even though I went through similar hell 15 years ago and got tons of counseling and support, I feel you all provided better. You are all so lucky to have each other. Have a wonderful day.