Thank you for your comments. Of course my first instinct is always to leave when someone treats me badly. However, I'm starting to find that no one is perfect and it seems alot of men don't know how to love. So when does one draw the line and pick one to work on? lol There are a lot of good things about this man. Yes I'm devastated. But I do believe he cares, just maybe can't show it in ways I want him to. Yes I believe he definitely has a problem showing love. As for the attempting to cheat...other couples have gotten through this type of thing. I would really like to try and make it work with him. You asked why I would want to marry him....at this point I don't. I'm hoping to get back to where I was sure I wanted to. I think i will try for awhile. I have some counseling set up for us. I will keep you updated and please know I really appreciate be able to come here. I am new in this town and no friends to turn to except one friend who lives far away and my mother LOL

Hi guys! Unfortunately, I'm back If you remember I had a virgo guy that I became engaged to within 5 weeks. Something major happened in my life and I was looking to him for support, which I did not receive. I ended up leaving and moving about 12 hours away to a job that would help me take care of the events that happened. I left all of my belongings in his house while I was gone for 5 months. I went to thailand just before heading back to move my things out. I thought I was strong enough to stay away from him but we ended up back together. It's been three months now and I am regretting the decision I did move all my furniture home and then back again! So I am living with him again. My house is now up for sale. I have a new job where he lives that is going well. I just found out last week that a month after we got back together he sent my good friend (his best friends wife--they have been split up for six months but he still wants her back) texts asking her to have sex with him--saying he feels a connection with her and wonders what it would be like to be with her!!!! I am devastated! We have talked a bit about it. I told him I would try to put it in the past but I am having a hard time with it. My head is telling me that if he loved me he wouldn't have done that. He did give me back my engagement ring (with no date set) a month after he did that. He said he is with me because he loves me alot. I am trying to get over it. A friend of ours is getting married soon and we have been helping get the site ready. My man and I were supposed to get married last weekend from the first time the date was set. It came up that we should get married at this site at the end of the summer to which he adamantly replied NO and I am hurt by this. I figured if he was going to make it up to me and prove to me that he really does care about me this would have been the way to do it. Don't get me wrong...I don't want to push or force anyone into marriage. I have never been married and it's because that is for life to me. It doesn't feel right anymore anyways. I feel like leaving again. When he doesn't answer his phone or things like that I am having a hard time not wondering what he is doing. I think that will eventually stop. A part of me feels like I would like to give him the chance to see if things will work but a part of me feels he is going to do something to hurt me again. I am confused about how to handle all of this. You guys were all so great last time with your insights. If you have some time and some thoughts I would really appreciate you sharing them. thx.

Hi ladies! It's been three weeks with no communication with my V. I've pretty much given up hope. One thing noteworthy is his ex who he was with for 12 years left him for another man and I have often felt the rage he directs at me has more to do with her. Anyways, I'm taking a break I am going to costa rica in the morning for a month and I expect to be fully healed when I get back take care all of you. Don't let anything that they are going through reflect on you as a person because I've gotten to know all of you enough to know that we are wonderful women and everything happens for a reason! So as Jenever and I discussed taking each day as a positive adventure to grow is the best route to take...

Hans-Wolfgang? I haven't noticed any contributions from him. I guess I haven't read far enough back. It's always nice to have someone challenging you to be the best that you can be. My friend Brenda has been a constant for me through this and many other life challenges. But I try to be careful not to drain my well so to speak that is why I was so incredibly happy to find all of you ladies going through exactly the same situation. On the topic of breaking free of past patterns I agree that this is one of the huge keys to happiness and that awareness of the patterns are just the first step! It takes many years of monumental effort to make the smallest changes in ourselves. That is why I am always surprised at many womens optimism that they can "change" their man. Especially when most of the time the man doesn't even know he needs changing! This seems to especially fit for V's. They are incredibly self focused, unemotional, unempathetic, controlling, regimented etc. They have to be one of the worst signs to try and have a "relationship" with lol I really relate to your description of your challenges after your divorce. I have felt at times that people around me are worried about me "collapsing" under the pressure to reinvent myself after going from having it all-new engagement, new house, not having to work, planning a wedding etc to being "homeless" and having to work 12 hour days to pull everything together so I can move back to my property. But I choose as you chose to view it as an adventure. An opportunity to grow to relook at life and relationships. I have decided that this year I will stay single and only have male friends. I need to slow down and discover what I want MY life to loom like. Taking life day by day and living in the moment are great tools but sometimes we need to start at the end and work backwards One thing that really struck me about your post is your comment that your ex left you "alone" in your relationship. Wow. That is why I left my V and that is what I have observed as the common thread between all of us "V lovers" so if your end result is not to be there again then you should run now!! I am personally on the lookout for a libra man. They are very communicative and emotional and empathetic-- everything I believe that a good relationship needs. The end result you can up with sounds VERY complicated my girl and would need a strong "partner" a word I don't believe is in V's vocabulary!

Leogemini--I'm curious what sign is your husband?

Jenever you come across as very down to earth. Knowledgeable about and comfortable with who you you are. Very present in the moment and accepting of how things are not struggling to force them into the shape you want them to be. These are all great factors in dealing with life and love as we all know how challenging it can be. I agree whole heartedly with all you said but realistically I think the chances of him leaving his wife and moving where you are with his kids couldn't be that high. Wouldn't the kids stay with her? So he would be losing everything with no promise of anything to gain. I've been here. I didn't do it either. It's like asking a tightrope walker to jump with no safety net he did say he wants family life-big for a lot of men but huge for V's I didn't hear anything about how you envision your life. Would he move closer and you would date? I hope everything works out but it sounds like you will be great even if it doesn't. I'm thinking his comment about another guy was an attempt at control. He must be feeling vulnerable. P.S. I don't think a nudge constitutes "dragging" lol throw the poor guy a bone lol

Leogemini how nice to hear you live by the water too, I'm surprised we aren't all pisces lol please try to remember that everything happens for a reason. This has happened to me before and it turned out to be a wonderful thing! I know it may not seem like it at first but when you find your mind working overtime to make you feel shame or fear just remember this too shall pass and have a glass of wine and look at the beautiful water and dream about the person you will become!

Hey Jenever, just a thought that popped into my head while reading your post. You said you got along so well and he opened up and that you have been focusing on your life. I'm sure he has felt this and when a distance comes without emotional drama I've found my V responded appropriately to it (ie how I wanted him to I am relieved to hear that he has the ability to think deeply and self reflect it's the only chance I have left that mine will accept some responsibility for what happened and take some of the blame off of me so he can trust me again. I agree that loyalty is probably more important than love. That translates into trust for them. Trust that their regimented daily routine won't be compromised. I think v's could go through a tornado without straying from getting up, setting the coffee maker, brushing their teeth, checking the mail etc lol I am wondering if jarring him out of his comfort zone into leaving his wife might have to come from you. I think you said you are a long distance relationship too aren't you? Leaving his wife would be scary enough but moving from family, friends, job etc would be too much I think. Im not sure what you want from your relationship. I know you have kids. Im not sure if you see yourself living with him or not but perhaps it's time to strike a deal. With all these realizations that other relationships aren't permanent it may take the "stain" off his reputation to leave at a similar time. Perhaps you could offer to move to where he is to get a place together? I know it took some pushing (gentle-not ultimatums) to get my V to committ. If you explain in a rational, non emotional "I can't wait forever" way he may go for it. Remember they like to be told what to do do. Tell him he has 2 weeks or a month to offer you something to hang on for-If he doesn't you still haven't lost anything but have also given him a glimpse of what you would like your future with him to look like. Good luck and keep us updated

I live in Victoria BC (on vancouver island) at the moment but usually reside in Prince George BC which is basically in the center of the province

OH! You did comment Jenever totally missed that until now lol yes shocker is a good way to describe it and slap in the face and cruel and a bunch of other not so nice words come to mind. I couldn't believe that he could do that at Christmas when he knows I have nothing and no one. I know I described him as a good man with good intentions but it appears my perception was skewed. There is a small part of me who hopes they crash and burn in short order too But I doubt that will happen as long as she isnt a complete idiot or she doesn't leave him he should be all good. I'm hoping he pisses her off and she leaves too that MIGHT help him realize he is partly to blame for us as well but it's doubtful. He is more likely to swear to bachelorhood. He definitely wants nothing to do with emotions his or anyone else's. He is trying to stuff his succeeding and it's bound to come flying out-my guess is on New Years because he has had a few angry outbursts while drinking. Miss mouth (I LOVE your nickname for her) is in for a surprise for sure. I had thoughts at first that maybe she was a family member instead but the sound of entitlement in her voice was very clear. I doubt this rebound will last as well but the possibility that I have been categorically replaced seems quite real. As you said he nay flip flop at some point but he would need to lose control of his emotions first which isn't likely to happen beyond a night of drinking. However, my goal is to heal my heart enough that if he does come around I don't waver because I don't want to go back. His family has been helping him with his vindictive behavior and things would never be the same between all of us. There us too much water under the bridge and his negative emotions would be sure to surface again and again. I want to thank you all SO MUCH for your support in sorting out my part and his part and for your kind words in my dark moments you have really made a difference in my life! Imagine that! Complete strangers in a huge world and somehow I managed to find you.

One thing all of us ladies on this post seem to be forgetting is that first and foremost our V's are men. If a man wants a woman he "takes" her. It gies back to cave man men are simple creatures. If they do not call or come around it is because they don't want to. If they feel indifferent then they are. Love does not make excuses. Hope this helps. I think all of us should band together and refuse to talk to our V's until they are willing to meet some of our needs!

Oh leogemini I feel your pain I agree with jenever that it is not good to push anything right now. I think the way with Virgo is to build on simple conversation. Talk about common things, their job etc. Just be there. But be a mystery. Be a challenge. Do not say anything about you relationship or the other girl. At least he is not livid and you can talk to him. Talk to him regularly this will help you too because part of the pain of a breakup is feeling that you can't talk to him. I wish you luck and peace of mind