Thank you again Sere. This is very interesting and I am delighted that you spent the time to share your knowledge/ understanding with me. It is very helpful to get your perspective on this. I also think that I think better when communicating with another.
What you said about choice being involved makes sense to me. My own feeling about this is that there is some kind of ongoing negotiation? communication? about how a person's life can unfold. It also makes sense to me that a soul-mate can be anyone, not necessarily a lover or someone who stays a lover.
One thing puzzles me about when and how I connected with my ex, and one other man, and I wonder if you could shed any light on this.
I felt like I was being directed towards him and I'm wondering of course why and what I am meant to learn or get from this. But what I'd like to hear your thoughts on is whether or not I should obey these feelings.
I knew I was going to meet him before I met him. As I was going to meet a friend this thought of a beautiful French rugby player popped into my head and at the same time I felt this huge rush of energy, both from within, rising up, and from without rushing down into me. Having moments of prescience are not usually accompanied by this massive flows of energy for me. It was a glorious feeling. About half an hour later I'm sitting opposite this beautiful French man mentioning to another about his pro rugby days. So I feel like I was prodded towards him. As I got this massive rush of feeling around him I guessed it our connection would be as positive as the feelings guiding me to him.
So I wonder whether I should keep following what these feelings tell me to do. Most of how I receive information is through feelings, and only occasionally words so I interpret these feelings from outside as instruction, as much as my own feelings within are giving me information.
I can't say that either of these men were great to get involved with, not the worst either, but they neither of them loved me and both hurt me a bit. so now I'm thinking that I should ignore my "instructions" if I get them again, along with my own feelings, and do the exact opposite in fact. Which seems counter intuitive and strange, but if I'm being guided towards men who won't love me then I would rather do this. But if I refuse the instructions then I am I missing out on instruction? If this is instruction. Maybe it's not. So this I suppose is where I'm at now.
How should I label these feelings now and are they worth obeying? I don't trust them now. All this feeling for what was going to be a casual relationship seems like being cheated. Like getting a gloriously designed hand made invitation to what turns out to be the opening of a car park. Not that there wasn't pleasure. There was. Just not a relationship worth speaking of.