Dear Gem,

I totally relate....my young (1 month shy of his 26th birthday), ambitious, handsome, wise, and complete "Mama's Boy" was killed in a tragic accident on a lonely stretch of desert highway....suddenly and unbelievably I was forced to deal with not only the fact of his death, but details, people, funeral stuff, my job, his friends, both families (his father and I divorced over 10 years ago)....hussle and bussle of things to be done....but when the dust settled and the activity and people moved on....I had to make myself go on living.....and it has been 5 1/2 yrs. since that tragic night, and I still have not accepted the actual fact that he's not coming over, or gonna call me, or pop in at my job (which I couldn't continue doing due to all the physical things brought on by my mental state), or drop by with that "puppy-dog" look on his face cuz he needed money (ATM always meant Automatic Teller Mom for him). All this and soooooo very much more consume my mind and my heart has never and probably will never heal. Dear Gem, this is a condition I can honestly tell you will never get any better, it will never go away, it will only become easier to bear....in small increments, but it does become a little softer pain as time goes on, but will always be there.....will always bring sudden, unexplainable tears, but take comfort knowing you were allowed to have those precious years with him, I began to feel "honored" in a way that I was chosen, if you will, by God to be JR's mother. He will always be with me, regardless, whether in body or in spirit, but I know he is never far away...he knows how my heart aches and how badly I miss him. I wish for you peace (have faith that it will slowly come), and know that you will be in my prayers, as I know exactly what you're going through. "Time" willl not heal this wound, dear friend, so don't waste your time and energy...just accept what you can a moment at a time, if need be, and keep the faith.