I have been reading this thread for the past months and still not done, I am on page three hundred-something and it is time-consuming!!
I feel like I know all of you guys, specially Jen, VS, ABB and other veterans
This forum has helped me a lot to understand my Virgo and all of your input has been very valuable to me.
And Jenever, you are correct, many people here are not Native American, myself included.
I am originally from Eastern-Europe, moved to US 6 years ago, live in MidWest. Actually I am not very far from you, Jenever. Do you live close to the Indiana Dunes? You have mentioned the dunes many times.
We go there every summer for a weekend getaway, this is our family’s favorite spot
Having grown up in a country surrounded by the sea and spent all of my childhood summers at the beach, this is the closest I can get to reliving that feeling
I am a lot younger than you, and being a Cancer, I can relate to you a lot and it is very interesting to read
about your life and the choices you have made. I admire you deeply, mostly because you had the courage to leave a bad marriage and moved on and you are an independent and strong woman.
I hope some day I will achieve the same kind of strength and piece of mind that you seem to have.
The difference between us is that you started a family at the age when I am raising a pre-teen and have been married for 10 years. Yes, I started early. My husband is a Taurus. He is not a bad person, but we have gone through a lot, it has been a rocky road for us. He is eight years older than me and this is his second marriage, he has two teenage kids from his first marriage. His divorce and relationship with his kids and their mom is a totally separate issue and I try to stay away from it as much as I can.
Let’s just say that when we met, he lied about being divorced ( surprise-surprise, right ), he was separated, but since we met in Europe and not in US ( he is from my country, but ex-wife was American ), there was no way for me to know, I was young and naïve and trusted him blindly. Basically he ran away from his bad marriage and left his kids behind, he wanted to go back to his home country and find a new start. And he did find me. But his marriage wasn’t over, not officially and not in his mind, in his heart yes, but he had not gone through the stage of analyzing what went wrong, admitting his own mistakes, making peace with it and healing. He still hasn’t and they still fight with the ex-wife like they were still married. It is a terrible situation, specially for the kids. I have tried to do everything I can, but in the end of the day, they are not my kids and this is between them. Sry, got carried away with my past, but thought that maybe it is relevant in some way.
So on to my Virgo man.
Yes, no surprise, I am yet another Cancer woman dealing with a Virgo man.
Looks like we cancers are the main target of the Virgos
I can not deny, there is an irresistible chemistry between us and we are drawn to each-other like a moth to a flame.
But that alone will not make a relationship work.
Plus at the same time we irritate the h… out of each-other.
He has told me himself, that part of him feels so good around me and the rest is frustration.
Why would somebody want to be with a person who frustrates them? That is a question yet to be answered
I have come to realize that ours is a love-hate relationship, which is awfully immature and destructive.
I have honestly never felt this way about any man, hated them so much and at the same time unable to
let go in my heart…
He is a very typical Virgo, but of course I never knew that before.
I have only had to deal with one other Virgo, and we work together. Do I have to say that he has been trying to get to me for the past five years we have worked together? He is married and that’s where I draw the line. Plus, I have a rule about keeping work and private life separately.
Well, I am not really anybody to talk, since I am a married woman having an affair with a single guy.
At this point though the affair is over, but because my Virgo is our neighbor and lives next door, it is not so easy to put this behind me. Yes, I am in a situation that I don’t wish for anyone and have learned a huge life lesson here. The funniest thing is that I didn’t even like him two years ago when he moved next door. He is very different from anybody I have known ( anybody a fan of StarWars, then picture Ewan Mcgregor with the beard – he looks exactly like him ) Yes, he looks like a ancient Scottish warrior.
He is an exact opposite of my husband in every way.
He is very intelligent, he doesn’t care about material goods and is a functional alcoholic. Never been married, no kids, only had LDR-s. Has mommy issues, is Mr. Knowitall, very critical and picky.
Anyway, as my husband is Taurus and very outgoing and social and him being a single guy and not having many friends here in our town, they clicked immediately and started hanging out. I wasn’t super thrilled about it, since they were always drinking, and my husband already drinks too much. At the same time I was glad he was distracted cause our marriage was not in a good place then. I didn’t want to spend time with him, cause all we did was fight, so it was kind of convenient. They got closer and my husband started inviting him to our family events and gatherings. Soon he became kind of like part of our family. So wrong in so many ways. Never have a single person get too close to your family. My husband is a little naïve in that area I guess.. So I got to know him better and kind of liked him. He is a very interesting person to talk to, his knowledge of things is amazing. But he doesn’t know a lot about real life and women and relationships obviously, which I discovered before it was too late. Fast-forward to this spring and after one fire-night when everyone had passed out, including my husband, he made a move on me. He started saying how he fell in love with my family ( he loves my daughter like his own, he says and is great with her ) and is in love with me. I was speechless. I had no idea. I didn’t think I was his type. He would give me these deep penetrating looks ( you know what I am talking about ) sometimes, but that was it. He said he has been hiding it, that he can’t let it show. Understandable, since I am his friend’s wife. Something clicked in me and we kissed, but he was pretty drunk and it was late, so I asked him to leave. Next day he acted like nothing happened, but I was like, how to be with him, what to say, right then and there, I should have distanced myself and walked away. But I couldn’t. My stomach was turning and all I could think about was him and how much I want to be with him. We were together that night again ( my husband works nights, how convenient for us, right…) talking and kissing and holding each-other. So very romantic right. It was all that I had been yearning for. He was being reserved though and we tippy-toed around each-other for almost a month before we got intimate. We were trying to be smart about it and ignore our passion, but it was not possible, it was overwhelming. We were like two fools or teenagers in love. I told him that if we do get intimate things will never be the same, that somebody will get hurt. And oh how we hurt each-other. He was hurt cause we couldn’t be together freely and had to pretend like nothing was going on in front of my husband. We imagined our future together, he said he would marry me tomorrow and raise my daughter like his own. I told him that I can’t get divorced tomorrow, that it’s a big decision and we have to get to know each-other better. I am not from here and I don’t have any family members here, I told him that no matter how bad my marriage is, this is all I got. Plus I told him that I don’t believe in jumping from one relationship to another, it does not work, it’s a rebound. He agreed that I should get a divorce for my own sake and then after I have come to terms with that and moved on and on my own, we can maybe see if we could have something. I have a long-term relationship experience and he doesn’t. At least not living together with somebody every day. So the first month was nice but very quickly he would begin to show his true colors, I always had to be the one to initiate contact. I never knew what he was thinking or if he wanted to be with me. He can be very cold and detached. He has the most confusing man I have ever been with. When we were together and comfortable with each-other, it was great, but otherwise it was so hard and painful, we couldn’t manage to switch over from being intimate and lovers into being just buddys. I was hoping we could at least be close friends but even his idea of friendship is different from mine. The last time we were intimate, everything blew up. He insulted me like no man has, basically made a comment about how I touched him down there ( sry, if it’s too personal ) and then everything blew up. I was in shock and started crying and then he started with this awful pity-party on his part. Oh, how good they are playing victims and martyrs when they realize that they hurt you or were the bad guy. I don’t have issues with sex, he obviously has. How one can live without physical contact and sex for months I don’t understand first place. He definitely has issues with intimacy and having an enjoyable sex life, he is the most insecure man I have known yet he acts like he is the man and plays tough. Oh, can’t stand it. But what can you do, that’s how they are. The blowup ended with him spilling his guts to me and trying to get my pity and when it didn’t work and I told him that it’s over, I can’t do this, you hurt me all the time, he said that he doesn’t believe I can walk out that door and leave. And I told him that yes, I can. And I walked out. After that he avoided me until we had both calmed down and had the final talk, where he said that we can be just friends and that’s it. After that surprisingly he started texting me more often and so desperately wanted to make sure that I am still in his life. I was like, what is this. I needed to keep my distance though, I was still madly in love with him and didn’t understand how he can cut me off just like with a knife, boom, done. He was being cold and hard as ice. So we tried the friend thing, but it just does not work for me. So I told him couple of weeks ago that I am done, I can’t live like this. All this time he has been saying how he is about to lose his job and has to move back home. Well, it has never happened, he still has his job and he still lives here. First he said, he is going home for Christmas, now turns out he is so busy with work, he is staying here. Since he is still friends with my husband, he still hangs around and I am forced to see him and pretend like nothing happened. One time I confronted him and said, that how can you live like this. He got mad and said, that he hurts every night when he goes to bed. That he has accepted that we will not be together and that I will not get divorced and that he is happy just to be around me, that it feels like home. I want to tell him so much that I am not your family, I can’t replace a family for him and he has to move on with his life. He has told me several times that if I want him to go, I should tell him that. I have not been able to tell him that yet, but I feel that I must soon. I really want him to go ( deep inside of course I would be devastated ) cause I can not move on and put this behind me otherwise. He is not being a friend, only with my husband, he stays away, does not care what is going on in my life, he is not being a friend. I can’t help but think of him as a very selfish person who only wants things his ways and when convenient for him. I understand that I am married. And the affair was a big mistake and that he hurts too, but I am willing to be there for him and have him in my life, but he is not being there for me. I don’t want to have sex with him, I mean I do, but it’s not the most important thing. I wish we could just be friends and get to know each-other better. But I can not be freely with him, there is something that bothers me so much, he is so impersonal and cold and does not open up. Maybe that’s how men are. But he has to realize that once we grow apart and become strangers, it is truly over. You have to take care of your relationships. I have tried to tell him that, but he does not want to listen. It’s his way or no way. He has an excuse for every behavior and avoids every issue and confrontation. It is maddening. To be honest, even now writing this, I do not understand why I am still under his spell. That’s what it is. I can not stop thinking about him, obsessing about him, is it the hurt ego?? When everything tells me that he is not the right person for me and he only hurts me and is not good for me. Why do I still want him then??? Because I can’t have him??? It is crazy, I feel like I am crazy. I have been keeping my distance for the past weeks, avoiding him as much as possible. He hasn’t reached out to me. He is busy at work, but outside of work, he doesn’t have a life, his roommate travels for work and isn’t around much and since he lost his license due to DUI he can’t go anywhere and do anything except with us. I have tried to tell my husband that we don’t need to babysit him but they have their own “deal” worked out, he let’s the dogs out during the day and my husband takes him to the store to buy beer.
I have thought about it long and hard and figured that I would probably be better off without them both
They are not bad guys, they both like to cook and are generally nice people and we do have our good times together, but my inside is a mess. I hate him for coming into my life, sneaking his way in and then just walking out and leaving me hanging and to deal with all of it. I guess I can’t expect any emotional support from him but that is what I need.
Surprisingly my relationship with my husband has gotten better. It is really ironic But we still have our issues, and I feel like I am starting to finally understand what kind of a lifestyle and relationship I want.
I am tired of being the perfect wifey. I work full time, take care of the house, and all of our daughter’s school stuff and activities are on me. I don’t go anywhere, I don’t have hobbies, except reading books, so my life is about my work, house, kid, family. My husband is not very emotional, and I figured long time ago that I am just a practical trophy wife for him. I am younger than him and not bad looking and all his friends are jealous of him for having a nice pretty and young wife who also works and takes care of the house and is a good mom. Like I fulfill some kind of a role in his life. That’s what the my Virgo also told me, he calls me Cinderelly sometimes. The society that I come from is about a generation behind when it comes to gender equality. Virgo is all about that. He can’t stress that enough. I actually don’t mind cooking and cleaning and my daughter is the most important in my life., I also like my job, but what I am missing is somebody to share that with. My Virgo said that we would be good together cause he is also looking for a partner and I would be perfect. How convenient for him to have ready made family. I said that I possibly want more kids and time is running out for me, I am scared to have kids later in my thirties and also the age-difference would be too big, my daughter will be in middle school in couple of years. My Virgo regrets badly for not settling down earlier and starting a family. I know that he is jealous of our family and wants to be part of it and due to my husband’s generosity he is. Sometimes I think that his friendship with my husband is more important to him although he claims otherwise and says that the only reason he still lives here is me and my daughter. I do not believe a single word he says anymore. I believe he just wanted my attention and was lusting after me and doesn’t truly care about me… I served a certain purpose, I made him feel good about himself, I was an ego boost. It hurts to admit this and write about it but I can’t deny it. His actions confirm this. I asked him straight out if he played with me and he said no, but of course he would never admit that. He always plays the pity-game of him being the poor sufferer in this. Totally forgetting that I have feelings too here. I need to be loved also. I have told him many times that why can’t we just love each-other… why do we have to pretend between the two os us that we don’t give a crap and put up this stupid mask???? He says that if he lets his emotions go, he will destroy everything and that he can not destroy my family because of my daughter. I don’t think it is his job to worry about my daughter and he is more concerned about his own ass and tries to play the altruistic martyr. A little boy in a man’s body. That’s what those Virgos are. Cowards and without a spine. I guess that has been my biggest disappointment with him. That he was not the man I thought he was.
Sry, this was so long, and sry about any spelling mistakes, I am glad I got it out though, any input will be greatly appreciated from you ladies and please be honest, I need some outside brutal view on this and how to move forward!! Thank you in advance