Hello. I have seen things all my life. I have been communicating with those that have lived before me in many ways. My grandmother always said I had a veil over my face....

My husband of decades is constantly saying we don't belong together...never have, among other things he drills at me. He's right. Last night, he quietly said that I am to blame for the bad choices he has made, in so many words. It is frustratingly sad. I want so BADLY to be happy...to have someone support my dreams, if I am allowed to have them. I feel that he and I are far apart in the same house.

Circumstances kept us together but now that our kids are grown, what's the point of rehashing anything? he says... Over the decades, his abuse turned from physical to emotional including lying, becoming a porn addict, having affairs, etc. I was stuck, first with the children and the need to make them all they can be, and then because of handicaps and his attitude, isolated...We all got older and he changed and isn't THAT nuts anymore, but the sex is barely there and he seems to like it that way, leaving me to beleive he's up to his old tricks. Maybe he's just old and tired but I feel he is not in love with me any more. A counselor once said that although he truly loves his children, he is narcisistic and manipulative at times.

Despite my best efforts and lots of counseling on my part, I feel that my marriage has been an empty one in which we just go through the motions. He's seldom home anyways. His work or something or someone else has ALWAYS been the focus of his attention.

I recently saw someone very special and even tho it has been decades since we were in the same place together, we have never been apart for many years, always running into each other or calling or emailing...this time I know he was seeking me out...The most awesome thing happened between us, and this was not sexual...I could tell we both know something far deeper is happening, we just don't know how to handle it yet. We put it off for 14 years this last time....Right now, I would settle for knowing that there is love out there and that I deserve to be happy and in love the same as the next guy. I do love my husband, but I can no longer tell if it is love or pity or fear of what others would think...Help!